Verwirrung

Or so I hear.

Now, I didn’t know about this, which is rather surprising, since I spent some time lurking within the conspiracy genre of sites around the web. It could just be because my natural inclination is towards more political theories, or it could just be that I dont take any theories really seriously, and never paid enough attention to notice this at all.

But anyway, it seems that the recent discovery of the Planet Eris has been latched onto by conspiracy theorists as being the planet Nibiru. For those of you not up on your fringe theories (and shame on you indeed) Nibiru is supposedly a giant tenth planet that has a long elliptical orbit that takes it in and out of the solar system in a manner reminiscent of Pluto, only far more severe. Severe enough, in fact, that it somehow managed to to smash into another hypothetical planet between Mars and Jupiter, where the present day asteroid belt is. This second planet is called Tiamat, naturally after the Dragon, whereas Nibiru is assosciated with Marduk, in Sumerian mythology.

Now, part of the planet Tiamat that broke off eventually became our own dear home planet, while Nibiru continued on its merry way through the solar system. However, there is more. Nibiru is supposedly the home of an advanced race of alien beings known in the Bible as the Nephilim…or to scholars of conspiracy theory and alternative Sumerian history, the Anunnaki, made famous as the reptilian shapeshifters of the theories of David Icke (among others).

Nibiru should, allegedly, be swinging back through on another pass of this part of the solar system around…oh, 11.11 UT, December 21st, 2012. I never saw that one coming. Anyhow, when it does swing around, we should expect all sorts of crazy seismic activity and, if we’re lucky, a pole shift.

As can be seen from this particular blog entry, Eris is now considered within some conspiracy circles as being the same as Nibiru:

The real cause of climate changes, volcanoes activity, intensification of the seismic activity etc., is the planet Eris’s getting closer to our solar system, intermediary named 2003-UB-313 and known in Antiquity under various names as: Nibiru, Marduk, Nemesis, Hercolubus, The Gods Planet, the Planet of the Empire, the Planet of the Cross, the Red Planet.

So there you have it, people. Eris is going to pwn this planet good. Quite what role the reptilian shapeshifters play in this space drama remains uncertain, but I’m sure we will hear about it sooner or later.

Discordians in the Middle Ages

Discordians flourished between the fifth and fifteenth century. This was a period of great cultural, political, and economic change in Europe - change which Discordians violently shook like a collicy infant.

Discordian Writings

It it not known whether medieval Discordians were literate. They commonly wrote in the incomprehensible Zwack alphabet. Discordians held that most people, even nobles and priests, were too hunchbrained to make any sense of their baffling script. Contemporary cryptologists believe Zwack to be incomprehensible gibberish, but modern Discordians hold that these scholars are merely too hunchbrained to make sense of their baffling script.

The Inquisition

In 1478, the Spanish Inquisition was begun by King Ferdinand of Aragon and Queen Isabella of Castile. Although it was not publicly revealed until after his death, one of Ferdinand’s advisors, Peter Pie the Pious, was a Discordian saint. St. Pie pushed King Ferdinand to seek out converts from Judaism and Islam residing Spain. The inquisition was originally intended as a distraction from St. Pie’s major project, sleeping with Queen Isabella. The inquisition rapidly got out of hand as zealots began burning heretics.

Despite his success with Isabella, St. Pie was saddened by these violent developments. He made a private apology to the Discordians of Spain, but it was lost on them as they were busy being burned to death. Wracked with guilt, he fell on his sword in 1490. His final words were “Fili Prius meretrix,” or “Bros before hos”.

Discordians in Colonial America: The Witch Trials

In 1692, Discordians invented the first game of SINK when the Queche Quidditch Qabal threw Goodwife Tabatha Croft in the Connecticut river. When the local constable demanded an explanation, Rev. Sandwitch of Bologna replied that they were testing to see if she was a witch. The constable thought this was such a good idea, he brought his wife to the river and tested her for witchiness. This meme spread and evolved until all the women in town were soaking wet. Later, they were burned at the stake.

Pride, Groucho:31, 6007 YD

I found this amazing piece of Eris artwork, by Malaclypse2000 at h848604.com - The Network Buffer     

 I really cannot express how much I love this piece.

Lulz is the law, lulz under Lail.