Well after several weeks of dilligent effort, it’s finally done.
Lesser Poop is a DIY Discordian Magazine of “Bathroom Reader” style content. Lesser Poop contains low brow humor, awful jokes, really short stories, exercises to mindfuck yourself, and much more. Most of the art is by Cramulus. Most of the text is from the principiadiscordia.com/forum community.
Intermittens #6: Lesser Poop
There is a little known sect of Islam called the Druze. They are a small group mostly located in Syria, Lebanon, Israel, and Jordan. Their faith is similar to that of other Ismaili Shi’a Islam with a little bit of Gnostic Unitarianism thrown in for good measure. What makes the Druze interesting though is the number one Pillar of their faith:
1. (Truth in words) Speak the truth to other Druze. However, lying to unbelievers to defend yourself or the community is OK.
That’s right, rule number one of Druzism is that you don’t talk about Druzism. And if you do talk about Druzism, feel free to lie through your teeth about it. This, of course, makes it completely impossible for outsiders (especially anthropologists) to study their religion. As Daniel Dennett put it in Breaking the Spell:
But if it was true, this would create a dilemma for any anthropologist: the usual method of questioning informants would be a hopeless wild-goose chase, and if he made the ultimate sacrifice and converted to Druze himself so as to gain entrance to the inner sanctum, he would have to admit that we on the outside shouldn’t believe his scholarly treatise, What the Druze Really Believe, since it was written by a devout Druze (and everybody knows that the Druze lie).
This naturally leads you to a Liars Paradox: if all Druzes lie about their religion then how do we know that they are telling the truth about their First Pillar? Maybe the Druze have become expertly adept at knowing when to tell the truth and when to tell a lie. They know to mix honest fact in with complete bullshit to constantly befuddle anyone trying to discover what they really believe.
And that seems like an admirable quality to me. Since beliefs are so immutable and silly in the first place why should we treat them so seriously? Lie about your beliefs as often as you can. Completely confuse your friends by telling them you are a Baptist Pagan. Mindfuck your family by saying that you believe every word of both The Urantia Book and Dianetics. Tell them that you believe six impossible things all at the same time! It’s not like they can prove you wrong anyways. Follow the path of apologetics everywhere by coming up with the most twist pretzel logic in the history of man. And tell them that Eris made you do it.
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Practical, outdoorsy, or frivolous,Â Instructables isÂ aÂ great siteÂ for accumulating info and ideas no matter how much of it you actually make or use.
will be the “Bathroom Reader” edition of Intermittens. It focuses on short submissions which you can enjoy during a brief
shitting sitting. It’s the perfect issue to leave in the bathrooms of coffee houses, bars, doctor’s offices, etc. NOW ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS!
Especially crude, stupid, or idiotic submissions are preferred. I am aiming for about 20-25 pages of low brow content. I may do some interviews, but I probably won’t be running longer, more serious pieces. Think about stuff which would be fun to read while you’re on the can.
In case you missed it, the title is a reference to this page of the PD: Greater Poop.
Already included: Very bad jokes. Very short stories. Exercises to mindfuck yourself.
Try out intermittens.org‘s brand new super powers by submitting stuff here. (you’ll need a login)
I’m going to endeavor to throw this thing together fairly quickly, so submit early!
also, check out Intermittens.org, our kick ass front door for the magazine.
I am not a expert at Chaos Magic. Hell, let’s face it, I downright suck at it. As a skeptic I barely believe that it exists. I personally feel that it is just a way of putting yourself in a trance like state that changes your subjective view of your surroundings. It is just an occult tradition that has no traditions. It is DIY and MYOB religion. It is the refusal to listen to anyone else when it come to what works for you.
And it almost never works for me. I’m entirely too antsy for meditation. I can’t sit still for more than a couple of minutes before my skin starts to crawl and my muscles rebel against me. Pagan rituals don’t seem to work for me either. I just can’t turn off the disbelief center in my brain. I also couldn’t do it back when I was a Christian. I’d often hear people after a service talking about how “the Holy Spirit sure moved here today” and be completely dumbstruck by the concept. It was just so foreign to me. Props or pageantry don’t seem to help either.
Having said that, there are a couple of things that do actually put me in the ultra-fine religious state of gnosis. I’ll just cover the first one in this post and talk about the others later on.
One thing that seems to work about 75% of the time for me is a simple music relaxation technique. As I’ve said before I am a very auditory learner and music can have a very strong effect on my psyche. First, I isolate myself in a distraction free room, which isn’t easy when you are married and have a 2 year old. The only equipment I need is an MP3 player and a good pair of headphones. I’m not an obsessive audiophile but good headphones are a must for this. I like hearing every single note clearly and it helps to block out any background sounds around you. I then lie as still as possible while listening to an album with an ethereal feel to it. The old standbys like “The Dark Side of the Moon” almost always work. I get chills every single time I get to “Us and Them”. I’ve also used Radiohead’s “Ok Computer” and Broken Social Scene’s “Feel Good Lost”with good results.
As with any Chaos Magic this technique doesn’t work for everyone and doesn’t work every single time. This particular technique can get me into a shallow trance-like state and positively affect my mood. However it doesn’t seem to be good for much else. I’ll get to the more powerful stuff next time around.
RADIO FREE DISCORDIA is finally launching! You can hear its birth pangs tonight at about 7 PM EST. If you’re interested in doing a show, whether it’s a one-shot or a weekly gig, contact Mourning Star, who can (often) be found in the #RFD chat room.
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