Latest revision as of 14:34, 24 November 2010

I. The Spagan Text

   Hearken, and Remember!

   In the Name of ST. GULIK, Remember!
   In the Name of CASH MONEY, Remember!
   In the Name of RICHARD NIXON, Remember!
   When on High the Heavens had not been named,
   The Earth had not been named,
   And Naught existed but the Seas of FAIL,
   The Original Gangstas,
   And FAT BLACK WOMAN, the Original Gangsta
   Who bore them all,
   Their Various Gross Fluids as One Gross Fluid.
   At this time, before the MONKEY GODS had been brought forth,
   Uncalled by Name,
   Their destinies unknown and undetermined,
   Then it was that the Gods were formed within the Original Gangstas.
   TROUSER SERPENT and BACON were brought forth and called by Name,
   And for Ages they grew in age and bearing.
   DOM and SUB were brought forth,
   And brought forth CASH MONEY
   Who begat NARRATIVE, Our Master FICTION,
   Who has no rival among the Gods.
   Remember!
   The Elder Ones came together
   They disturbed FAT BLACK WOMAN, the Original Gangsta, as they surged back and forth.
   Yea, they troubled the belly of FAT BLACK WOMAN
   By their Rebellion in the abode of Heaven.
   BACON could not lessen their clamor
   FAT BLACK WOMAN was speechless at their ways.
   Their horrible dongs were loathsome unto the Original Gangstas.

   TROUSER SERPENT rose up to slay the Elder Gods by stealth.
   With curlies and fluids TROUSER SERPENT fought,
   But was slain by the sorcery of the Elder Gods.
   And it was their first victory.
   His body was tossed in a cardboard shoe box
   In a crevice of the heavens
   Hid
   He was lain,
   But his e-mail autoresponder cried out to the Abode of Heaven.

   FAT BLACK WOMAN
   Enraged
   Filled with an Evil Motion
   Said
   Let us make Monsters
   That they may go out and do battle
   Against these Sons of Crap
   The murderous offspring who have destroyed
   A God.
   HIMIOBSU arose, She who drives the bus of existence,
   And leader of trolls like unto Our Master.
   She added goatses and longcats to the arsenals of the Original Gangstas,
   She bore Internet-Trolls
   Sharp of wit, short of attention span,
   She filled their bodies with venom and flame
   Roaring dragons she has clothed with Lulz
   He has crowned them with anonymity, making them as jackasses,
   So that he who beholds them shall perish
   And, that, with their bodies reared up
   None might ban them.
   She summoned the Viper, the Dragon, and shock porn,
   The Tub Girl, the Mad God, the two maidens and their chalice, 
   Mighty rabid Demons, Feathered-Serpents, the Goatse-Man,
   Bearing weapons that spare no one.
   Fearless in Battle,
   Charmed with the spells of ancient sorcery,
   . . . withal Eleven of this kind she brought forth
   With SKELETOR as Leader of the Minions.

   Remember!

   FICTION
   Our Master
   Fearing defeat, summoned his Son
   LULZ
   Summoned his Son
   that wascally wabbit
   Told him the Secret Name
   The Secret Number
   The Secret Spot to Piss
   Whereby he might do battle
   With the Ancient Horde
   And be victorious.

   LULZ KASHI!
   The best motherfucker ever
   Most Bad Ass God among the Gods
   Son of Song and the Satire
   Child of Horror and Mirth
   Mumbler of the Secret Name
   Muppetly Count of the Secret Number
   Vendor of the Secret Stash
   He armed himself with the CD-ROM of Power
   In a dodge challenger he went forth
   With a shouting Voice he called "Bullshit!"
   and then he pulled out a sword and went ninja turtles on their ass
   Dragons, Vipers, all fell down
   Lions, Goatse-Men, all were slain.
   The Mighty shock porn of HIMIOBSU was slain
   The Spells, the Threads, the Links were broken.
   Naught but FAT BLACK WOMAN remained.
   The Great Serpent, the Enormous Bitch
   The Snake with more snakes for teeth
   And those snakes have snakes for teeth as well
   But then those snakes actually have teeth for teeth
   And all the snakes have Crazy Eyes.
   She lunged at LULZ
   With a roar
   With awesome fight music
   She lunged.
   LULZ reflected the sun with the CD-ROM of Power
   Blinded FAT BLACK WOMAN's Crazy Eyes with rainbows
   The Monster heaved and hurr durred
   pissing poison in all directions
   Posting ancient words of Vulgarity
   Hitting the Ancient Whammy Bar
   LULZ struck again and blew
   A Farting Noise into her body
   Which filled the raging, wicked Serpent
   LULZ shot between her jaws
   The Charmed arrow of FICTION's Magick
   LULZ struck again with the DUKE NUKEM FOREVER CD-ROM and severed
   The head of FAT BLACK WOMAN from its body.

   And all was silent.

   Remember!

   LULZ
   Victor
   Took the Tablets of Destiny
   Unbidden
   Hung them around his neck and made woo woo noises.
   For all time, people would dedicate their quests to LULZ.
   He split the sundered FAT BLACK WOMAN in twain
   And fashioned the heavens and the earth,
   With a Gate to keep the Original Gangstas Without.
   With a Gate whose Key is hid forever
   Save to the Sons of LULZ
   Save to the Followers of Our Master
   FICTION
   (Who is also a wizard of the 33rd level).

   From the Blood of MONKEY UNCLE he fashioned Man.
   He constructed Internet forums for the Elder Gods
   Fixing their profiles as constellations
   That they may watch the Gate of PTERODACTYL HANDLER
   The Gate of FAT BLACK WOMAN they watch
   The Gate of FASHION POLICE they oversee
   The Gate whose Guardian is MICKEY MOUSE they bind.
   All the Elder Powers resist
   The Force of Deviant Artistry
   The Social Networking Sites of the Oldest Ones
   The Chans of the Primal Power
   The Mountain HURRDURR, the Serpent God
   The Mountain FFFFFFUUUUUUU, that of Magick
   The Dead KUTULUDU, Dead but Dreaming
   FAT BLACK WOMAN, Dead but Dreaming
   PTERODACTYL HANDLER, NINKASHI, Dead but Dreaming
   And shall their generation come again?????
   Nobody fuckin' knows!!!!!

   WE ARE THE LOST ONES
   From a Time before Time
   From a Land beyond Land
   From the Age when CASH MONEY walked the earth
   Giant legal entities who were killed by a comet
   We have survived the first War
   Between the Powers of the Gods
   And have seen the wrath of the Original Gangstas
   Mother Fuckers
   That shat upon the Earth
   WE ARE FROM A RACE BEYOND THE WANDERERS OF NIGHT.
   We have survived the Age when PTERODACTYL HANDLER ruled the Earth
   And his Wretched Pterodactyls destroyed out generations.
   We have survived on tops of mountains
   And hidden under rocks
   And have spoken with the n00bler races
   In allegiance and were betrayed.
   And FAT BLACK WOMAN has promised us nevermore to attack
   With water and with wind.
   But the Gods are forgetful.
   Beneath the Seas of DAYTIME TELEVISION
   Beneath the Giant Rivers of Shit
   Beneath the World lays sleeping
   The God of Anger, Dead but Dreaming
   The God of CUTHALU, Dead but Dreaming!
   The One-Eyed Sword, long and throbbing!

   He who awakens Him calls the ancient
   Vengeance of the Elder Ones
   The Seven Glorious Gods
   of the Seven Glorious Vacation Spots
   Upon himself and upon the World
   And old vengeance . . .

   Know that our years are the years of War
   Every day we must make LULZ.
   For every day that there are no LULZ
   A Life is Lost to the Outside
   Those from Outside our world
   Have built up unfunny demeanors
   To nourish the fiends of FAT BLACK WOMAN
   And the Blood of the Grayface
   Is libation unto FAT BLACK WOMAN
   Queen of Souls
   And the International House Of Pain
   And to invoke her
   The trash bag full of kittens
   Need be emptied into a fire
   The fire struck with a sword
   The sword used to spank a small child
   That hath been fathered by eleven men
   Sacrifices to HIMIOBSU
   So that the Strike ringeth out
   And call FAT BLACK WOMAN from Her slumber
   From her sleep in the Caverns
   Of the Earth.

   And none may dare entreat further
   For to invoke OLD BLACK LADY is to utter
   a bunch of creepy crap that nobody wants to hear.

II. Of the Generations of the Original Gangstas

   SWEET MERCIFUL FUCK
   The account of the generations
   Of the Original Gangstas is here rendered

   Suck and Fail that erode all things
   They are the Evil Spirits
   In the creation of CASH MONEY spawned
   A new wretched entity called
   CRUMPETS
   And the Beloved Sons of GLAM
   The Offspring of FASHION POLICE
   Ordering beer even though it is yet before the time of lunch
   They are Children of the Underworld
   Talking like pricks on high
   Making woop woop noises below
   They are the bitter venom of the Gods.
   The great whining directed from heaven
   Those are they
   The Spag, Messenger of OMGWTF
   Lord of Meh
   Those they are
   THEY ARE THE CHILDREN
   BORN OF CRUMPETS
   THAT IN THE CREATION
   OF CASH MONEY WERE SPAWNED.

   These guys can pass
   The longest walls
   The thickest walls
   The hardest walls like a flood.
   From house to house
   They ravage
   No door can shut them out
   No condom can contain them
   Through the door like snakes they slide
   Through the stretchy latex membrane they explode
   Pulling the wife from the embrace of the husband
   Yanking the child away from the computer
   Snatching at his loins with crab hands
   THEY ARE THE WARM FLUID
   THAT FALLETH ITSELF ON THE FACE OF WOMAN.

   THEY ARE GHOULS
   The spirit of the day that you spent in your underwear watching daytime television
   The spirit of the woman that hath died, weeping with some pervert suckling at the breast
   The spirit of the joke that was told so many times now you hate it fuck that joke
   The smelly spirit which was blamed on the dog
   They haunt the pay by the hour motel
   and they haunteth the coin-operated vibrating bed.
   They are Seven!
   Seven are they!
   Those Seven were born in the Mountains of MADNESS
   Called Public Schooling
   They dwell within the Dankest Edge of the Internet
   Amid the desolate places of the Earth they live
   Amid the places between
   The Places
   Unknown in heaven and in earth
   They are not in the phone books
   On Google there is no knowledge of them
   They have no name
   No e-mail address
   Not in heaven
   Nor on earth
   Nobody in your hometown has even heard of them, they're so indie and underground
   They surf over the Mountain of Sunset
   And on the Mountain of 404 they cry
   Through the Geocities they creep
   Amid the abandoned Internet forums they lie
   Nowhere are they known
   Not in heaven
   Nor in the Earth
   Are they discovered
   For their place is outside our place
   And between the ip addresses of the Earth
   They lie in wait
   Crouching for the Sacrifice
   THEY ARE JACKING OFF IN THE BUSHES OF YOUR MIND.

   Falling like rain from the sky
   Issuing like vomit from the mouth of existence
   Holy Water does not stop them
   Chainsaws do not stop them
   Silver bullets stop them, but only for a second
   They glide in at the doors like dickserpents
   They enter by the windows like the night stalker
   POP JINGLES they are, entering by the head
   CURSE WORDS they are, entering by the heart
   REALITY TV they are, entering by the passenger side door
   UNDRESSING YOUR LOVER they are, entering by the unlocked cellar
   PORNOGRAPHY they are, seizing the bowels
   FLAMMABLE they are, shit! shit!
   ORCS they are, drinking energy drinks, feeding on red skittles
   They are Seven!
   Seven are They!
   They seize all the red skittles
   From TROPICAL to ORIGINAL FLAVOR
   Yet TROPICAL knows them not
   Yet ORIGINAL FLAVOR does not know them
   They have brought down the mighty
   Of all the mighty Cities of man
   Yet man knows them not
   Yes even Pittsburgh does not know them
   They have produced an annoying buzzing tone in the the forests of the East
   And have filled the Lands of the West with sound effects from 1970s arcade games
   Yet the East knows them not
   Yet the West does not know them
   The Midwest is kind of familiar with them
   They are a hand grasping at the cookie jar of humanity
   Yet the cookie jar does not know them
   And man knows them not.
   Their words are Unwrit
   Their backstory is Unknown
   We don't know how many hit points they have
   Their habitations:
   The desolate places where people listen to dubstep or progrock
   Their habitations:
   The haunts of man where a disco ball still spins
   Their habitations:
   Not the lands here
   Nor the cities there
   But the lands between the lands
   The cities between the cities
   In spaces no man has ever scrolled past
   In THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
   The country from whence no traveler returns
   WEST BUMBLEFUCK
   You can't even get the mail delivered there
   And at EAST FUCKISTAN
   At the Old School
   At the Foundations of HIP HOP
   In the BODEGA of SERIOUS BUSINESS
   And at the Gates
   Of MICKEY MOUSE!

   That was the story of the Original Gangstas

   Now:
   SPIRIT OF THE AIR, STFU!
   SPIRIT OF THE EARTH, GTFO!

III. Of the Forgotten Generations of Man

   And was not Man created from the phat beats of KINGU
   Dance Commander of the Original Gangstas?
   Does not man possess in his funky spirit
   keeping the Elder Gods awake with that awful raket?
   And the blood of Man is the Blood of Vengeance
   And the fake moustache of Man is the fake moustache of Vengeance
   And the Power of Man is the Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News
   And this is Hilarious
   For, lo! The Elder Gods possess the NO U
   By which the Powers of the Original Gangstas are turned back
   But Man possesses the Sign
   And the Number
   And the Shape
   To kick out the JAMS.
   And this is the Covenant.
   Created by the Elder Gods
   From the Blood of the Original Gangstas
   Man is the Key by which
   The Gate Of MICKEY MOUSE may be flung wide
   By which the Original Gangstas
   Seek their Vengeance
   Upon the face of the Earth
   Against the Offspring of LULZ.
   For what is indie
   Came from that which is retro
   And what is oldschool
   Shall replace that which is indie
   And once again the Original Gangstas
   Shall rule upon the face of the Earth!
   And this is too the Covenant!

IV. Of the Sleep of ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA

   Yet ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA
   Rock Star of Heaven
   Bright Light of Nights
   High School Crush of the Gods
   Set her mind in that direction
   From Above she set her mind,
   To Below she set her mind
   From the Heavens she set forth
   To the Abyss
   Out of the Gates of the Living
   To enter the Gates of Death
   Out of the Lands we know
   Into the Lands we know not
   To the Land of No Return
   To the Land of Queen TEENAGE STARLET
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA, Rock Star of Heavens, she set her mind
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA, Daughter of SIN, she set forth
   To the Black Earth, the Land of CUTHA
   She set forth
   To the House of No Return she set her foot
   Upon the Road whence None Return
   She set her foot
   To the Cave, forever unlit
   Where old magazines are heaped upon the alter
   Where old tupperwares full of chinese food are the food
   Of residents clothed only in bathrobes
   To ABSU ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA set forth.
   Where sleeps the dread CUTHALU
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA set forth.

   The Watcher
   Stood fast.
   The Watcher
   FASHION POLICE
   Stood fast.
   And ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA spoke unto him

   FASHION POLICE! Serpent of the Deep!
   FASHION POLICE! Horned Serpent of the Deep!
   FASHION POLICE! Plumed Serpent of the Deep!
   Open!
   Open the Door that I may enter!
   FASHION POLICE, Spirit of the Deep, Watcher of the Gate, Remember!
   In the Name of our Father before the Flight, FICTION, Lord and Master of Magicians
   Open the Door that I may enter!
   Open
   Lest I attack the Door
   Lest I break apart its bars
   Lest I bang on it with my fists
   Lest I bust a hole through it in the exact shape of my body
   Open the Door
   Open Wide the Gate
   Lest I cause the Dead to rise!
   I will raise up the Dead!
   I will cause the Dead to rise and have sex with the living!
   Open the Door
   Lest I cause the Dead to vote out the Living in a general election!
   FASHION POLICE, Spirit of the Deep, Watcher of the Gate, Open!

   FASHION POLICE
   The Great Serpent
   Coiled back on itself
   And answered
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA
   Lady
   Rock Star among the Gods
   I go before my Mistress
   TEENAGE STARLET
   Before the famous teenager
   I will announce Thee.

   And FASHION POLICE
   Horned Serpent
   Approached the Lady TEENAGE STARLET
   And said:
   Behold, ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA, Thy Crazy Aunt
   Rock Star among the Gods
   Stands before the Gate!
   Daughter of SIN, Mistress of FICTION, High School Crush of the GODS,
   She waits.

   And TEENAGE STARLET was pale with fear.
   The Dark Waters stirred.

   Go, Watcher of the Gate.
   Go, FASHION POLICE, Watcher of the Gate,
   Open the Door to ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA
   And treat Her as we said we would
   like a million years ago.

   And FASHION POLICE loosed the bolt from the hatch
   And Darkness fell upon ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA
   The Dark Waters rose and carried the Goddess of Chaos
   To the Realms of the Night.
   And the Serpent spoke:
   Enter
   Rock Star of Heaven of the Great Above
   That KUR may rejoice
   That CUTHA may give praise
   That KUTU may smile.
   Enter
   That KUTULU may be pleased at Thy presence

   And ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA entered.

   And there are Seven gates and Seven Decrees.

   At the First Gate

   FASHION POLICE removed the Wig
   The Great Mop of Her head he took away
   And ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA asked
   Why, Serpent, has thou removed my First Jewel?
   And the Serpent answered
   Thus is, the Covenant of Old, set down before Time,
   The Rules of the Lady of KUTU.
   Enter the First Gate.

   And the Second Gate

   FASHION POLICE removed the Phone
   The Golden Apple he took away
   And ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA asked
   Why, ASSHOLE, have thou removed my Second Jewel?
   And THAT ASSHOLE answered
   Thus it is, the Covenant of Old, set down before Time
   The Decrees of the Lady of KUTU.
   Enter the Second Gate.

   At the Third Gate

   FASHION POLICE removed the Flask
   The booze laden flask hidden in her shirt he took away
   And ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA asked
   Why, Gatekeeper, has thou removed my Third Jewel?
   And the Gatekeeper answered
   Thus it is, the Covenant of Old, set down before Time,
   The Decrees of the Lady of KUTU
   Enter the Third Gate.

   At the Fourth Gate

   FASHION POLICE removed the Rack
   The Boobs Themselves he took away
   And ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA asked
   Why, Guardian of the Outer, has thou removed my Bangin Rack?
   And the Guardian answered
   Thus it is, the Covenant of Old, set down before Time,
   The Rules of the Lady of KUTU.
   Enter the Fourth Gate.

   At the Fifth Gate

   FASHION POLICE removed the Belt
   The Cool Belt from the 1980s around her hips he took away
   And ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA asked
   Why, Watcher of the Forbidden Entrance, hast thou removed my Fifth Jewel?
   And the Watcher answered
   Thus it is, the Covenant of Old, set down before Time,
   The Rules of the Lady of KUTUK.
   Enter the Fifth Gate.

   At the Sixth Gate

   FASHION POLICE removed the Shoes
   The Funky Shoes upon her feet
   with little ducks on them
   And ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA asked
   Why, FASHION POLICE, hast thou removed my Sixth Jewel?
   And FASHION POLICE answered
   Thus it is, the ancient Covenant, set down before Time,
   The Decrees of Lady of KUTU.
   Enter the Sixth Gate.

   At the Seventh Gate
 
   FASHION POLICE removed the Jewels
   The Clothing of ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA he took away.
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA, without protection, without safety,
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA, without talisman or amulet, asked
   Why, Messenger of the Original Gangstas, hast thou removed my Seventh Jewel?
   And the Messenger of the Original Gangstas replied
   Thus it is, the Covenant of Old, set down before Time,
   The Rules of the Lady of KUTU.
   Enter the Seventh Gate and behold the Nether World.

   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA had descended to the Land of KUR
   To the Depths of CUTHA she went down.
   Having lost her Seven Talisman of the Upper Worlds
   Having lost her Seven Powers of the Land of the Living
   Without Food of Life or Water of Life
   She appeared before TEENAGE STARLET, Mistress of Death.
   TEENAGE STARLET flipped out and screamed at Her presence.

   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA raised up Her arm.
   TEENAGE STARLET summoned NAMMTAR
   The Magician NAMMTAR
   Saying these words she spoke to him
   Go! Imprison her!
   Bind her in Darkness!
   Chain her in the Sea below the Seas!
   Release against her the Seven JEW BANKERS!
   Release against her the Zillion Demons!
   Against her eyes, the demons of the eyes!
   Against her boobs, the demons of the boobs!
   Against her face, facial demons!
   Against her feet, the demons of the feet!
   Against her badonkadonk, the demons of the badonkadonk!
   Against her entire body, the demons the KUR!

   And the demons tore at her, from every side.

   And the JEWISH BANKERS, Dread Judges
   Seven Lords of the Underworld
   Drew Around Her
   Faceless Gods of ABSU
   They stared
   Fixed her with the Eye of Death
   Withe the Glance of Death
   They killed her
   And hung her like a corpse like a pinata
   The zillion demons tearing her limbs from her sides
   Her eyes from her head
   Her ears from her skull.

   TEENAGE STARLET rejoiced.
   Blind AZAG-THOTH rejoiced
   MICKEY MOUSE rejoiced
   ISHNIGGARRABABABAB rejoiced
   KUTULU rejoiced
   The MASKIM gave praise to the Queen of Death
   The GIGIM gave praise to TEENAGE STARLET, Queen of Death.

   And the Elder Ones were rent with fear.

   Our Father FICTION
   Lord of Magick
   Receiving word by NINSHUBUR
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA's servant NINSHUBUR
   He hears of ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA's Sleep
   In the House of Death
   He hears how GOZER THE GOZERIAN has been
   Opened
   How the Face of Abyss
   Opened wide its mouth
   And swallowed the Rock Star of Heaven
   Tosser of the Golden Apple
   And FICTION summoned forth academic books
   And FICTION summoned forth porno magazines
   And from the books and from the porno
   ANKI fashioned two Elementals
   He fashioned the KURGARRU, spirit of Order,
   He fashioned the KALATURRU, spirit of Chaos,
   To the KURGARRU he gave the Food of Life
   To the KALATURRU he gave the Water of Life
   And to these images he spoke aloud
   Arise, KALATURRU, Spirit of Fap
   Arise, and set thy feet to that Gate GOZER THE GOZERIAN
   To the Gate of the Underworld
   The Land of No Return
   Set thine eyes
   The Seven Gates shall open for thee
   No spell shall keep thee out
   For my Number is upon you.
   Take the bag of the Food of Life
   Take the bag of the Water of Life
   And TEENAGE STARLET shall not raise her arm against you
   TEENAGE STARLET SHALL HAVE NO POWER OVER YOU.

   Find the corpse of PUBLIC DISCOURSE
   Find the corpse of ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA our Queen
   And sprinkle the Food of Life, Sixty Times
   And sprinkle the Water of Life, Sixty Times
   Sixty Times the Food of Life and the Water of Life
   Sprinkle upon her body
   And truly
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA will rise.

   With giant wings
   And awesome power chords
   The two elementals flew to that Gate
   Invisible
   FASHION POLICE saw them not
   Invisible
   They passes the Seven Watchers
   With haste they entered the Palace of Death
   And they beheld several terrible sights.

   The demons of all the Abyss lay there
   Dead but Dreaming, passing around a joint
   Of the House of Death
   Faceless and terrible
   The JEWISH BANKERS stared out
   Blind and Mad AZAG-THOTH reared up
   The Ass of the Throne opened
   The Dark Waters stirred
   The Gates of Lapis Lazuli glistened
   In the darkness
   Unseen Monsters
   Spawned at the Dawn of Ages
   Spawned in the Battle of LULZ and SERIOUS BUSINESS
   Spawned in HUBUR
   With the Sign of HUBUR
   Lead by KINGU . . .

   With haste they fled
   Through the Palace of Death
   Stopping only at the corpse of ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA

   The Beautiful Queen
   Rock Star of the Gods
   Lady of all artists and scientists and madmen
   Bright Shining One of the Heavens
   Beloved of FICTION
   Lay hung and bleeding
   From a thousand fatal wounds.

   TEENAGE STARLET
   Sensing their presence
   Cried out.

   KUGAARU
   Armed with Order
   Looked upon the Lady of Discord
   with his Million Answers

   KALATURRU
   Armed with Chaos
   Looked upon Eris Esoteric
   With the Million Questions.

   And TEENAGE STARLET
   Mighty in CUTHA
   Turned her face

   Upon the corpse of PUBLIC DISCOURSE
   Sixty times they sprinkled
   The Water of Life of FICTION
   Upon the corpse of ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA
   Sixty times they sprinkled
   The Food of Life of FICTION

   Upon the corpse
   Hung from a stake
   They directed the Spirit of Life
   PUBLIC DISCOURSE AROSE.

   The Dark Waters trembled and roiled.

   AZAG-THOTH screamed upon his throne
   CUTHALU lurched forth from his sleep
   ISHNIGARRABABABABA fled the Palace of Death
   MICKEY MOUSE trembled in fear and hate
   The JEW BANKERS fled their thrones
   The Ass upon the Throne took flight
   TEENAGE STARLET roared and summoned NAMMTAR
   The Magician NAMMRAR she called
   But not for pursuit
   But for protection.

   PUBLIC DISCOURSE ascended from the Underworld.

   With the winged elementals she fled the Gates
   Of GOZER THE GOZERIAN and NETI she fled
   And verily
   The Dead fled ahead of her.

   When through the First Gate they fled
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA took back her hot clothes.

   When through the Second Gate they fled
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA took back her duck shoes.

   When through the Third Gate they fled
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA took back her gaudy 80s belt.

   When through the Fourth Gate they fled
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA took back her boobs.

   When through the Fifth Gate they fled
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA took back her hidden flask.

   When through the Sixth Gate they fled
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA took back her golden apple.

   When through the Seventh Gate they fled
   ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA took back her wig.

   And the Demons rose
   And the Spirits of the Dead
   And went with her out of the Gates
   Looking neither right nor left
   Walking in front and behind
   They went with ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA from the Gate of GOZER THE GOZERIAN
   Out of the Netherworld they accompanied her
   And TEENAGE STARLET
   Scorned Queen of the Abyss Wherein All Are Drowned Pronounced a Curse
   Solemn and Powerful
   Against the Queen of Limbo Peak
   And NAMMTAR gave it form.

   When the Lover of ERIS NANCY DISCORDIA
   Beloved of the Queen of Heaven
   Goes down before me
   Goes through the Gate of GOZER THE GOZERIAN
   To the House of Death
   When with him the wailing people come
   The weeping woman and the wailing man
   When DUMUZI is slain and buried
   MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INCENSE!

V

   Stoop not down, therefore,
   Unto the Darkly Shining World
   Where the CASH MONEY lies in Dark Waters
   And CUTHALU sleeps and dreams

   Stoop not down, therefore,
   For an Abyss lies beneath the World
   Reached by a descending Ladder
   That hath Seven Steps
   Reached by a descending Pathway
   That hath Seven Gates
   And therein is established
   The Throne
   Of an Evil and Fatal Force.
   For from the Cavities of the World
   Leaps forth the Evil Demon
   The Evil God
   The Evil Monkey
   The Evil Lizard
   The Evil Penis
   The Evil Devil
   The Evil Internet
   Showing no true Signs
   Unto mortal Man.
   AND THE DEAD WILL RISE AND SMELL THE INCENSE!