Author Topic: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)  (Read 66697 times)

Lies

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #45 on: March 14, 2007, 11:50:56 am »
Yeah, that's what I meant to say. My whole lifes been weird.
Now I've actually noticed.
« Last Edit: March 14, 2007, 02:38:39 pm by Lysergic »
- So the New World Order does not actually exist?
- Oh it exists, and how!
Ask the slaves whose labour built the White House;
Ask the slaves of today tied down to sweatshops and brothels to escape hunger;
Ask most women, second class citizens, in a pervasive rape culture;
Ask the non-human creatures who inhabit the planet:
whales, bears, frogs, tuna, bees, slaughtered farm animals;
Ask the natives of the Americas and Australia on whose land
you live today, on whose graves your factories, farms and neighbourhoods stand;
ask any of them this, ask them if the New World Order is true;
they'll tell you plainly: the New World Order… is you!

Triple Zero

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #46 on: March 14, 2007, 04:53:05 pm »
btw if that parable of yours was sorta autobiographical, that kinda makes it suck just a littlebit less.

it's still awful, though.
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Lies

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #47 on: March 15, 2007, 12:46:05 am »
Yeah, actually, it was sorta autobiographical.
Everything in it was true.
In a warped way.
That's what makes it really sad :(
- So the New World Order does not actually exist?
- Oh it exists, and how!
Ask the slaves whose labour built the White House;
Ask the slaves of today tied down to sweatshops and brothels to escape hunger;
Ask most women, second class citizens, in a pervasive rape culture;
Ask the non-human creatures who inhabit the planet:
whales, bears, frogs, tuna, bees, slaughtered farm animals;
Ask the natives of the Americas and Australia on whose land
you live today, on whose graves your factories, farms and neighbourhoods stand;
ask any of them this, ask them if the New World Order is true;
they'll tell you plainly: the New World Order… is you!

LHX

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #48 on: March 15, 2007, 01:05:31 am »
most autobios are teh suxxorz


if not all
neat hell

Malachite

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #49 on: March 15, 2007, 01:14:00 am »

Genocide Device

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #50 on: March 30, 2007, 04:24:45 pm »
interesting... can some one link me BIP?
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LMNO, PhD (life continues)

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #51 on: March 30, 2007, 04:25:50 pm »
Check my sig.  should be valid.

Genocide Device

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #52 on: March 31, 2007, 01:38:15 am »
cures my lack of adobi updates  :argh!:  i'll read it once my com is doen downloading
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Thurnez Isa

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Through me the way to the city of woe, Through me the way to everlasting pain, Through me the way among the lost.
Justice moved my maker on high.
Divine power made me, Wisdom supreme, and Primal love.
Before me nothing was but things eternal, and eternal I endure.
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Dante

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #54 on: March 31, 2007, 02:05:53 am »
That's right, the wiki.  Good call. 
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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #55 on: April 10, 2007, 03:09:45 am »

For clarifying certain elusive points, might I suggest a few illustrations to help.  Believe me pictures are not just for the illiterate, they do often speak volumes in bringing a verbal point to light for those who don't conceptualize via written words as well as with pictoral representations.  It would help maximize the potential for understanding, thereby drawing in a wider audience. 

BTW I just made my BIP booklet for my reading pleasure...didn't follow the instructions exactly but I gots me a booklet none-the-less.
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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #56 on: April 10, 2007, 11:52:56 am »
I'm working on a couple of gliffy images.  we'll see where it takes us.

Your Audience

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #57 on: April 16, 2007, 12:48:59 am »
I read it and it's interesting but I think it could be better.

A few basic points:

I know it's probably been harvested from lots of different sources but I think the style should be more coherent. If you're going to address the reader as 'mate' then continue doing so (or not if I were you, didn't quite ring true). Maybe give it to one person and let them re-wright it in a consistent style. The TGRR interludes are good but you're gonna need more interlude type chapters from other 'characters' or just more from his good self for balance. Short paragraphs at the end of sections of just the very best stuff would work just as well.

If it's ment to be a collection of different 'posts' on a website then make it more obvious that that's what it is. At present it's an interesting read but with no structure, therefore very little focused impact.

For more impact I would try and engage the reader in more practical endeavours. The whole sprockets and widgets thing was intriguing but sadly wasn't developed at all. Go into detail, draw a full colour map! Give suggestions on how to fuckup the Machine's basic processes in the personal sphere.

As a structure, the philosophising bits could be interspersed with the activity bits for good balance.

There's a fair bit of repetition that needs weeding out and a lot of stuff talked around from similar angles. Better to make the point and build on it than waffle around the same point (which seemed to happen in the last few sections which should have been mor sprocket and widget stuff, practical info and aplications).

I think you could wittle the whole thing down to a third of it's current size and have a much more direct impact on the reader.

A more coherent style will ensure the message doesn't become diluted.
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Triple Zero

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #58 on: April 16, 2007, 11:44:50 am »
I think you could wittle the whole thing down to a third of it's current size and have a much more direct impact on the reader.

hm, i think this is a very good point, especially thinking of attention-spans. people are more likely to read something short, and if he want to know more, they simply need a few pointers (simply www.blackironprison.com would be best, people can memorize that)

about the different sources, i think that's a good thing. if it's not clear they're different sources/writers/pieces, i agree it should be made clearer, but again it lowers the treshold for reading a piece, because it's only a few paragraphs.

practical endaevours, yes, we need more of those. always :) please suggest a few, if you've got some :)
(a collection of these also might make a good page on the wiki, to be crossreferenced with Now What Do I Do?)
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LMNO, PhD (life continues)

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Re: What is this section about (n00bs read this!)
« Reply #59 on: April 17, 2007, 12:19:56 pm »
I keep getting these urges to do a major editing job on the original BIP pamphlet, but I feel really weird about fucking around with someone else's writing.

I know it's mostly kopyleft, but still.  I'd hate to make some revisions & piss off the original author.