When you die, you‚Äôre going to regret the things you don‚Äôt do. You think you‚Äôre queer? I‚Äôm going to tell you something, we‚Äôre all queer. You think you‚Äôre a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheated on your girlfriend? You did it, live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. There‚Äôs an absolute morality? May be. And then what? If you think there is, then be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don‚Äôt think so. If you think that way, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won‚Äôt live in it. That‚Äôs me.
You ever take a dump that made you feel like you slept for twelve hours? Or a piss? A great meal fades in reflection. Everything else gains. You know why? Cause it‚Äôs only food. This shit we eat, it keeps us going. But it‚Äôs only food. The great fucks you may have had. What do you remember about them? I don‚Äôt know. For me, I‚Äôm saying, what it is, it‚Äôs not the orgasm. Her forearms on my neck, something her eyes did. There was a sound she made...or, me, lying, in the, I‚Äôll tell you: me lying in bed; the next day we go out and have fun. Then we fool around some more, my balls feel like concrete. Eh?
What I‚Äôm saying, what is our life? It‚Äôs looking forward or it‚Äôs looking back. And that‚Äôs our life. That‚Äôs it. Where is the moment? And what is it that we‚Äôre afraid of? Loss. What else? The bank closes. We get sick, my girlfriend dies in a car accident, the stock market collapsed, the house burnt down; what of these happen? None of ‚Äòem. We worry anyway. What does this mean? I‚Äôm not secure. How can I be secure? Through amassing wealth beyond all measure? No. And what‚Äôs beyond all measure? That‚Äôs a sickness. That‚Äôs a trap. There is no measure. Only greed.
How can we act? The right way, we would say, to deal with this: ‚ÄúThere is a one-in-a-million chance that so and so will happen. Fuck it, it won‚Äôt happen to me.‚Äù No. We know that is not the right way I think. We say the correct way to deal with this ‚ÄúThere is a one-in-so-and-so chance this will happen. God protect me. I am powerless, let not happen to me.‚Äù But no to that. I say, there‚Äôs something else. What is it? ‚ÄúIf it happens, AS IT MAY for that is not within our powers, I will deal with it, just as I do today with what draws my concern today.‚Äù I say this is how we must act. I do those things which seem correct to me today. I trust myself. And if security concerns me, I do that which today I think will make me secure. And every day I do that, when the day arrives that I need a reserve, (a) odds are that I have it, and (b) the true reserve is that I have the strength that I have of acting each day without fear. According to the dictates of my mind. Stocks, bonds, objects of art, friends. Now: What are they? An opportunity. To what? To make money? Perhaps. To lose money? Perhaps. To ‚Äòindulge‚Äô and to ‚Äòlearn‚Äô about ourselves? Perhaps. So fucking what? What isn‚Äôt? They‚Äôre an opportunity. That‚Äôs all. They‚Äôre an event. You walk up to a guy, he makes a call, something gets done, it doesn‚Äôt matter, ‚ÄúThere‚Äôs this person that I‚Äôd like you to meet.‚Äù What does it mean? What do you want it to mean? Money? Security? Comfort? All it is is THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO YOU. That‚Äôs all it is. How are they different? Some poor, newly married guy gets run down by a cab. Some busboy wins the lottery. All it is, it‚Äôs a carnival. What‚Äôs special, what draws us? We‚Äôre all different. We‚Äôre not the same. We are not the same.
It‚Äôs been a long week.