Author Topic: Ask Bella  (Read 66074 times)

Bella

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Ask Bella
« on: December 24, 2003, 06:07:26 am »
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hmm.... Ask Bella..... I think we might have a good new section here, should she be willing. What say you Bella, ready to prove that you are more twisted than Dear Abby could ever imagine?

Yup......Although I must say that it will be a challenge as Dear Abby has,
in my opinion given some shamefully twisted advice herself over the years.

Post your questions here, dear ones, and I will answer them......or not.

*Bella blends a fresh margarita and sits back to gleefully contemplate all the lovely mischief this column might cause*
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

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« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2003, 06:25:29 am »
Dear Bella
it hurts now when I pee and have sex

should I really worry?

Bella

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« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2003, 08:31:15 am »
Here's my answer to your first letter in the other thread:

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Dear Owchy!!!!

You poor thing.
This is indeed a serious problem....
I'll have to search through all my books, consult my familiar spirits,
and do a lot of trance work to find the answer for you.
It shouldn't take more than three or four days.

In the meantime, whatever you do, don't pee."

Or have sex. :(


PS: If this is for real, then get thee to a doctor.
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

Irreverend Hugh, KSC

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« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2003, 10:47:58 am »
Dear Bella,

There is this woman I know who has tried messing me about by not returning something that belongs to me. It was a deal that went bad. I am sorely tempted to use magical operations to get said thing returned to me and maybe to show her a little lesson in respect and honesty.

What do you think?
"Time for the tin-foil hats, girls and boys!"

B23.77

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« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2003, 08:37:36 pm »
Dear Bella,

In a similar incident, a woman I used to work with borrowed 85 dollars from me one day when I was drinking with her and appears to have no intention of paying it back.  How would I go about using magic to get the money back and/or turn her into a goon?  Any ideas?

Horab Fibslager

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« Reply #5 on: December 25, 2003, 12:12:43 am »
Dear Bella,

an Afrikan voodoo witch doctor has threatened to make my penis disapear if i don't pay him 37 million dollars by next equinox.  see your guestbook od doom for mroe details. help!
Hell is other people.

Irreverend Hugh, KSC

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« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2003, 01:52:21 am »
Dear Bella,

I have begun magical operations against the above-mentioned woman that involves her use of my property (as of yet unreturned). Sorry I was not able to wait for your response.
"Time for the tin-foil hats, girls and boys!"

Bella

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« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2003, 02:02:52 am »
Quote from: St. Hugh, KSC
Dear Bella,

I have begun magical operations against the above-mentioned woman that involves her use of my property (as of yet unreturned). Sorry I was not able to wait for your response.


I understand. My response was going to be:

"Why in the world would you hesitate to give into temptation....I never do. Let her have it."
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

Bella

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« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2003, 02:07:55 am »
Quote from: Zeb
Dear Bella,

In a similar incident, a woman I used to work with borrowed 85 dollars from me one day when I was drinking with her and appears to have no intention of paying it back.  How would I go about using magic to get the money back and/or turn her into a goon?  Any ideas?


Are you familiar with the ways of magic? If not, I suggest you visit this site and send her an anonymous voodoo doll curse.
But hurry, because they're going out of business on the 31st.
http://www.pinstruck.com/

If you do know about magic, then send her bad dreams until she pays up.
I'll be happy to haunt her dreams as queen of the zombies and terrorize her for you: :twisted:
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

Bella

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« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2003, 02:14:52 am »
Quote from: Horab Fibslager is Dead
Dear Bella,

an Afrikan voodoo witch doctor has threatened to make my penis disapear if i don't pay him 37 million dollars by next equinox.  see your guestbook od doom for mroe details. help!


Wow! That was quite a sad story you left in my guest book of doom :shock:  Just shocking that he would make a such a horrible threat against your privates. I suggest two possible courses of action, Horab.

1. First, go out and purchase for yourself the best chastity belt that     money can buy. Wear it at all times. Give the key to a trusted female to keep, as she has no penis for the witchdoctor to threaten - hence she will be immune to his extortion tactics.

2. Immediately set up a printing press and whip up 37,000,000 tons of flax script in the basement of your home. Bury the witchdoctor under this shitload of money and go on about your business.
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

Malaul

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« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2003, 04:29:49 am »
OH MY GODS!!!

::GASP::

Bella I found this on my BF desk

HE KNOWS!!!
what am I donna do???!!!!


Coito ergo sum
O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.  --Comedian Chris Rock

Bella

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« Reply #11 on: December 27, 2003, 04:44:03 am »
Gasp!  I have that same book sitting here in front of me right now, Malaul.
I've been studying it - looking for weak spots and suggest you do the same. Take his book.....hide it and read it in secret.

I also suggest you watch the BF carefully......watch him from the corners of your eyes, so he doesn't notice. Move your stash of fresh body parts out of the frige and wipe the graveyard mud from your feet before entering the house, etc. Hyper-vigilance is the key word.

If all else fails......well you are an assassin, dear one, and wouldn't he be a lovely source of fresh parts?
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

Malaul

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« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2003, 06:22:22 am »
read it in secret
check
remove body parts
check
find meat map of human body to use as template on BF
check
Coito ergo sum
O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.  --Comedian Chris Rock

Bella

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« Reply #13 on: December 27, 2003, 06:38:00 am »
That's my girl :twisted:
just like in a dream
you'll open your mouth to scream
and you won't make a sound

you can't believe your eyes
you can't believe your ears
you can't believe your friends
you can't believe you're here

Horab Fibslager

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« Reply #14 on: December 27, 2003, 01:20:19 pm »
MY GENITALS ARE NOT A SUBJECT OF CONVERSATION






of course unless they're really they're really tha tinteresting(and you knwo they are...












































ok i'm drunk disregard this as therandom drunken/shitfaced hiorab post. never seen one before? the horror!  yall are lucky! very lucky! most ppl die instantly at the sight of em!  or something...
Hell is other people.