Author Topic: ITT: Best Posts of the Day  (Read 221008 times)

Junkenstein

  • Technically-Oriented & Horribly Mobile Crecy of Crab Lice.
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 114894
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1425 on: January 14, 2014, 02:34:39 pm »
Honestly, how obsessed are the media with Sharon's withdrawal from Gaza?  He led a life of killing, and that one decent act was demanded by international law.

I mean, Mandela picked up the gun briefly and we never heard the end of it.  Sharon worked closely with Phalangist militias who debated whether they should simply murder people, or rape them before killing them (and that is no exaggeration - they literally discussed this).  But he told settlers to withdraw from Gaza!  Man of peace!  We can't melt the metal for a Nobel Peace Prize fast enough!
What do you expect, when a president that indiscriminately murders civilians gets the peace prize, and spends his acceptance speech talking about the benefits of war?
I dunno.  I mean, when the Times did it's obit of Kurt Vonnegut, it basically spent two-thirds of the article calling him Hitler because he used an inflated Dresden death toll, before people knew David Irving was a lying twat.

I mean, by that standard, Sharon is basically Galactus.
It's like there's some sort of bias against people who are anti-violence, or something.

 :mittens:
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

  • v=1/3πr2h
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 687093
  • The sky tastes like red exuberance.
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1426 on: January 27, 2014, 05:45:42 am »
Oh, me? What do I do?

I fucking FEED you filthy swine. And most of you goddamned ratfuck bastards can't even get that right. That single most (or second most, for some folks) basic biological drive. You fuckers do things in public that you would NEVER try at home. Say shit to your server that you would NEVER say to your wife.

Or maybe you would.

Maybe you're THAT kind of guy.

Either way I'd like to go back in time and slap the tits right off of your mom so you starve to death before you grow up to be one of those assholes who goes to a restaurant and then asks for something that's not even on the menu. Or sits there at the bar drinking one of our delicious Irish-style red ales and munching on some breaded and fried chicken wings and asks if we can make a gluten-free calzone. Or waits until after EVERYONE is finished with EVERYTHING to ask the server to split the bill into separate checks for a party of 12. Or makes a reservation on a busy night and shows up 20 minutes late. Or otherwise just generally does not know how to behave and/or how not to be a complete shitneck pain in everyone's balls when they go out to eat. And for fuck's sake don't be one of those cloaca-huffers who tries to treat the employees like they're your feudal serfs. News flash, asshole: there's at least a 50% chance I make more than you do, and the full-time servers all make more than I do. You're not special because you decided to spend $50 on food and beer just like about half of, oh, FUCKING EVERYONE does once a week or so. Whooptee fuck. Should I come to your house and tell you the fuck what next time I fly on a Boeing jet and my seat isn't all that comfortable? Fuck you. I hope you choke on that burger.

:potd:
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


N E T

  • Turbo-Charged Marmoset of Inappropriate Public Displays of Horrid Affection
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 18494
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1427 on: May 10, 2014, 02:45:47 am »
Via Roger:



Stupid Imgur wasn't loading. I'm waiting for a response now.  :lulz: :lulz:
BWAHAHAHAHAH



:potd:
« Last Edit: May 10, 2014, 02:47:50 am by Net (+ 1 Hidden) »
“There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.” - M I C H E L   D E   M O N T A I G N E

Eater of Clowns

  • Deposed Mexico
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 57804
  • Limpid Lust Pariah of Foulness
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1428 on: May 10, 2014, 03:01:22 am »
Via Roger:



Stupid Imgur wasn't loading. I'm waiting for a response now.  :lulz: :lulz:
BWAHAHAHAHAH



:potd:

:spittake:

This is beautiful.
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1429 on: May 10, 2014, 03:48:53 am »
Via Roger:



Stupid Imgur wasn't loading. I'm waiting for a response now.  :lulz: :lulz:
BWAHAHAHAHAH



:potd:

:spittake:

This is beautiful.

Poison pen letters are a specialty of mine.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Reginald Ret

  • 'Miserable Atrocianthrope'
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 38806
  • Interweb Gloryhole QC Inspector #23
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1430 on: May 10, 2014, 07:04:04 pm »
I know quite a lot of christians but none of them ever says something like 'that is not very christian of you' Where do you find these people?
Lord Byron: "Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves."

Nigel saying the wisest words ever uttered: "It's just a suffix."

"The worst forum ever" "The most mediocre forum on the internet" "The dumbest forum on the internet" "The most retarded forum on the internet" "The lamest forum on the internet" "The coolest forum on the internet"

trix

  • Chevy Caprice Trunk Inspector, Dead Hooker Department™
  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 13538
  • I GIGGLE WHEN I SHOULD CRY
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1431 on: May 10, 2014, 11:07:40 pm »
I know quite a lot of christians but none of them ever says something like 'that is not very christian of you' Where do you find these people?

I get that exact quote ALL THE GODDAMN TIME.

I usually go with "Yeah but it's totally Discordian of me", but only because I lack a good clever zinger to respond to this.

Maybe Roger can help?  He is cleverer wordsmith than I
There's good news tonight.  And bad news.  First, the bad news: there is no good news.  Now, the good news: you don't have to listen to the bad news.
Zen Without Zen Masters

Quote from: Cain
Gender is a social construct.  As society, we get to choose your gender.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1432 on: May 11, 2014, 05:44:11 am »
I know quite a lot of christians but none of them ever says something like 'that is not very christian of you' Where do you find these people?

I get that exact quote ALL THE GODDAMN TIME.

I usually go with "Yeah but it's totally Discordian of me", but only because I lack a good clever zinger to respond to this.

Maybe Roger can help?  He is cleverer wordsmith than I

It helps knowing the bible cover-to-cover as well.  Because when people say "that is not very Christian of you", there's usually a good quote to demonstrate that the person saying that isn't very Christian.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cain

  • Alea iacta est
  • Chekha
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 105003
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1433 on: May 11, 2014, 05:56:20 pm »
When in doubt, quote 1 John 2:9:

Quote
Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness.

LuciferX

  • Metanoia
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 28062
  • fripping moncrey!
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1434 on: May 13, 2014, 07:51:57 am »
When in doubt, quote 1 John 2:9:

Quote
Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness.
True dat.  And if the hate is veiled, then, disparaging or invidious comparisons to the order of what I am not, generally, need not be addressed to yours truly.  That's just good manners  :wink:
Hic Salta?
________
Constant Eso-Opthamologist of Elicited Stopped-Clock Illusions, brings it back, or sinners just repent______

Aucoq

  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 6570
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1435 on: July 05, 2014, 09:04:27 pm »
Via Roger:



Stupid Imgur wasn't loading. I'm waiting for a response now.  :lulz: :lulz:
BWAHAHAHAHAH



:potd:

"Because if I am as ready to meet my maker when I die as I am to sew your garb at minimum wage, I shall surely go to hell."  Pure fucking genius.   :lulz:
"All of the world's leading theologists agree only on the notion that God hates no-fault insurance."

Horrid and Sticky Llama Wrangler of Last Week's Forbidden Desire.

Junkenstein

  • Technically-Oriented & Horribly Mobile Crecy of Crab Lice.
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 114894
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1436 on: July 10, 2014, 06:35:14 pm »
It means he's going to professionally generate principle-centered expertise to aid in our energistically conceptualizing team driven technology and scalable bandwidth as a service which will add value to our users by compellingly customizing real-time materials to facilitate ubiquitous content delivery.

It means that he's going to synergise existing suppliers to explore potential growth options in the consumer interface market by dynamically altering the non-live-time variable through the interactive cloud hub with a focus on interpersonal relationship building to leverage new market growth opportunities.

Holy hell look at all of the corporate power point talk going on with no graphs to give everyone better understanding of what Pope Lecherous’ alts will bring to the table.  Please allow me.

These first two graphs show the change in our stock options as well as the monthly income per user of this website.

Alright, that looks kind of bleak, but here is the REAL kicker.  These things are all about SYNERGY.  As you can see, Pope alts will really bring the heat in the SYNERGY department.

A lot of people say ”hey, what is synergy anyways”.  I’m glad you asked.
Synergy is a term invented by oil companies after they created synthetic oil.  They felt that synthetic oil was so good for energy that they coined the term to describe what a well-oiled machine their companies were, and as such, it is derived from synthetic oil energy, shortened to synergy.

Actually that whole last paragraph was bull-shit, I don’t know why I took the time to type it out.  Moving on to the final graph, you can see that the Blue dot in the orange circle is the aiming point for success.  The current aim of PD.com is the black dot.  As you can see, we are left of center.  With the help of Pope alts, we could be slightly less left of center.

Coffee and donuts are available around back.

Worth saving so it doesn't get lost in the shit flinging to come.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Pæs

  • James Bond-defying Shit-Volcano Trigger Device of the Next Armageddon.
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 38503
  • I ain't even mad.
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1437 on: July 12, 2014, 11:25:26 pm »
I have temp banned Pope Lecherous and LuciferX for racist insults aimed at another board member (Nigel), although the aiming part wasn't necessary.

The admin group will of course have to decide as a group whether or not to make the ban permanent.

I suggest an open vote, but if ANY admin is uncomfortable with this, we'll take it to PM.

Eater of Clowns

  • Deposed Mexico
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 57804
  • Limpid Lust Pariah of Foulness
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1438 on: July 28, 2014, 11:56:05 am »
While I'm not sure what it was that you appear to be so upset about

HELLO my fellow ape!!!

GREETINGS and SALUTATIONS!

I wish to capture your attention for the moment, to tell you a story. The story of trix (with pictures!):

-

-

-

Once upon a time in the jungle, there was a monkey. 

Much like many other monkeys before him, this monkey enjoyed monkey things, like crawling around on four limbs, flinging his own shit at other monkeys, and most of all, getting up on his hind legs and HOLLERIN his monkey holler.

 :showus:

One day, this monkey started to realize he was different from the other monkeys.  He looked around and many of the other monkeys seemed to be content simply flinging shit and crawling around and hollerin, but this monkey was no longer so satisfied.  This monkey wanted to see if there wasn't more out there than shit-flinging and hollerin.  In fact, having realized that shit-flinging and hollerin weren't as great as he used to think, he started to look down on the other monkeys that hadn't come to his conclusion.  After all, didn't this realization make him smarter than the other monkeys?  Isn't it better to be smarter?

 :winner:

So this monkey started to believe himself better than other monkeys, and set off to find out if there wasn't a better place for him than the jungle.

Now, let me interrupt this story to point out two things this monkey had missed, in his assumptions.

1: His part of the jungle contained few monkeys, so it's not a good indication of the intelligence of monkeys in general.  The smartest monkey in one group could easily be the dumbest in another.

2: It's entirely possible other monkeys had already thought out his train of thought long before, and decided in the end that shit-flinging and hollerin were, after all, worthwhile life choices.  And those hypothetical monkeys are not wrong.

Anyway back to the story.

So this monkey left his tiny jungle and entered the World-At-Large.  Leaving behind his monkey name, he dubbed the nickname "trix", and set off to find some meaning in a suddenly much larger world.  Now, the monkey understood that the world he had just entered was much larger and much more diverse than anything he had previously encountered, but he did not follow that train of thought to the point where he'd have realized this meant he was no longer the Smartest Gorilla In The Room (SGITR).

One day while wandering, this monkey came across a very unusual tribe of monkeys he did not recognize.  These monkeys were unlike anything he had ever seen.  Not only did they have a very different take on shit-flinging and hollerin that he found refreshing, but these monkeys appeared to be much more intelligent than his old tribe, and thus, in his mind, finally a tribe worth joining!

 :lambs:

There were things the monkey did not understand about this new tribe, however.  For one, they preferred to stand on their hind legs, even when not hollerin!!  Another thing, they had shaved off most of their monkey fur and developed a rather clever set of ways they communicate with each other.  A standard that was very effective in their particular community at allowing intelligent discussion with minimal derailment into monkey noises and shit flinging. The monkey also discovered that this new tribe set a higher standard for monkeys, and wouldn't be likely to accept him just based on his word that he wasn't like those lesser monkeys.

At this point, our monkey friend could have simply introduced himself, said hello, and began to absorb the culture and social cues of this new tribe, so that his inclusion could happen with maximum smoothness and minimal whacking with the stick.  But this particular monkey had already discovered he was smarter than other monkeys, goddamnit, and these new monkeys were going to LEARN IT.  So he did the only thing you can really expect a monkey to do, when faced with a challenge like this.

He took a big, smelly, huge shit, targeted one the most vocal, active, respected members of the tribe, and flung it with all his might.

Then, as the tribe charged, he dug his heels in deep and flung shit after shit at everyone in sight, because he was smarter than other monkeys and was going to WIN DAMNIT.

 :supertard:

...

Years later, we have this same monkey.  He really hasn't changed all that much.  He still loves to fling shit sometimes, loves to holler when he thinks he should holler, and every now and then will drop down on all fours and crawl around in the dirt because he wants to.  However, the tribe is far less hostile to him, and he can effectively communicate and learn from them now.  What changed?  Well, first and foremost, the monkey finally figured out he was in a different room than the one he started in, and he was no longer the smartest ape.  In fact, he wasn't even in the top ten percent.  Hell, he probably wasn't even above average.

It took a long time for this to sink in for this particular monkey, having always been praised and expected to be the smartest, back in his own jungle.  It still causes friction and shit-flinging at times... But again, the major difference is that the monkey can communicate with this tribe that he respects and admires, and is able to put aside his own ego to adopt some humility (which, amazingly, is actually a virtue here) and learn from all the resources, knowledge, experience, and intelligence present in this community.

I hope you learn quicker than this monkey, as it was not a fun road to go down.  Read up on the SGiTR for more.

Also I'm very stoned right now so this might have been worded terribly.

Anyway I guess my point is, if the story wasn't clear, that much of what you write has the smell of an elitist SGiTR syndrome.  This rubs many people the wrong way.  Then you throw in some random pinealism, which this board is particularly sensitive to, and which does not help anything.

In short,
 :notnice:



-
This has been another PNWR (post-not-worth-reading) by the trix.


(Edited to fix typos and wording a bit)
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Telarus

  • Fictional Ego
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 12309
  • Ratcheting Metallic Sex Doll of The End Times
    • View Profile
Re: ITT: Best Posts of the Day
« Reply #1439 on: August 17, 2014, 05:53:10 pm »
:mittens:
Telarus, KSC,
.__.  Keeper of the Contradictory Cephalopod, Zenarchist Swordsman,
(0o)  Tender to the Edible Zen Garden, Ratcheting Metallic Sex Doll of The End Times,
/||\   Episkopos of the Amorphous Dreams Cabal

Join the Doll Underground! Experience the Phantasmagorical Safari!