Author Topic: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait  (Read 13974 times)

Cramulus

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23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« on: April 16, 2007, 05:01:01 pm »
23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait:


1.   If there were robots disguised as people in our midst, you probably wouldn't realize it. Some of the people around you right now might even be robots!

2.   Benjamin Franklin, one of America‚Äôs greatest presidents, wanted the national bird to be a turkey, not an eagle.

3.   Robots masquerading as human beings would have some idiosyncrasies which would allow us to distinguish them from human beings.

4.   If there were a LOT of robots in our midst, the idiosyncrasies would seem common, and thereby undetectable.

5.   In the same way that fashions catch on, some human beings would also display these robot quirks, thinking that they were normal behaviors.

6.   Item number 19 is a complete lie.

7.   Aliens who visit our planet might have trouble figuring out with whom they should make contact. They might ignore us completely! Instead, they might want to talk to important things like our cars, our corporations, or our internets.

8.   People who litter public spaces with their garbage are self-important pricks!

9.   People who lived on this planet a few hundred years age were antiquated and primitive because they believed in things like the sun moving around the earth, witchcraft, numerology, and that their outdated religion was the one true religion.

10.   If aliens visiting our planet looked like humans from the 1980s, all that crap would immediately come back in style as we tried to impress our guests. 1980s style would retroactively no longer be considered ‚Äòretro‚Äô, but ahead of its time.

11.   People who fill public spaces with their ideas are committing ideological litter!

12.   There are a group of human beings (?) who worship the recently named planetoid called Eris. They think that God is a crazy woman. Their evidence is that everything seems to be really really crazy all the time. That checks out, right?

13.   As a culture, we should be preparing for the Next Big Thing. Where do you think it's gonna come from, and what do you think it's going to be?

14.   The crazy Eris-worshippers mentioned above, called Discordians, are convinced that there are a lot of cabbages in our midst, masquerading as humans.

15.   People who live on this planet a few hundred years from now will think us antiquated and primitive for believing in things like atoms, electrons, gravity, and that any religion is the one true religion.

16.   Rather than trying to identify the cabbages, which are plentiful, Discordians try to identify the real human beings, which are increasingly rare.

17.   Human beings have some idiosyncrasies which distinguishes them from cabbages.

18.   If there were a LOT of cabbages in our midst, human idiosyncrasies would seem uncommon, weird, or strange. Some human beings would avoid displaying these quirks, thinking that they were abnormal behaviors.

19.   Item number 6 is absolutely true.

20.   One important human idiosyncrasy is the ability to think for oneself. Human beings can come up with new ideas, make their own decisions, and form their own opinions.

21.   Cabbages cannot do these things, so they borrow ideas, decisions, and opinions from the consensus. They‚Äôre hard to identify because they sound just like everybody else.

22.   If the US Constitution does not permit people to make their own decisions about their lives, it‚Äôs not worth the hemp it was written on.

23.   Even though this is all complete garbage, at least it killed some time, right?


Hey, what’s the big idea?
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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2007, 05:22:59 pm »
motherfking MITTENS :mittens:

this is awesome

also, i want MOAR :-D

i love the way you intertwined several lines of reasoning, i think it helps avoid people getting their defenses up. at least, when i hear somebody begin stating a lot of little simple "facts", i expect him to be building up to some larger statement/conclusion, and one that i might not agree with, so i get increasingly nitpicky about the little facts. he intertwining sort of helps conceal this.
(compare with schopenhauer #4, #7, #9)

i need at least two more Things, because if i'm going to print this out, i'm leaving out 2. and 22., because over here nobody cares about Benjamin Franklin or the US Constitution :)
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Cramulus

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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2007, 05:25:27 pm »
I've formatted it into a pamphlet, for ease of distribution.

Download it here.

Can someone suggest some more art or clipart or what-have-you to spice up the interior / back panel?



EDIT: added a graphic, some general cleanup and rewording.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2007, 07:32:10 pm by Professor Cramulus »

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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2007, 05:27:23 pm »
Robot conspiracy theory! New meme just occurred to me expanding on robot thing mentioned here. This has considerable potential for a parody conspiracy theory.

Outline Sketch:

Robots are synthesised at subatomic level so, by present day science* are undetectable.

Robots behave very similarly to real humans but have a much more limited range of cognitive responses. Robots behave in a very obvious 'automaton' fashion.

Estimated levels of infiltration range from one in every hundred million robots per human to one in every hundred million humans per robot

Robot origin (if existent) = unknown

Robot agenda (if any) = unknown

Threat posed by Robots + Agenda = inestimable

* implicit = robots are from the future


Anyone want to join me in a paranoid crusade to stir up bladerunneresque hysteria?
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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2007, 05:31:08 pm »
ZOMG I ALWAYS KNEW THIS WAS HAPPENING

HOW DO I KNOW YOUR NO ROBOT????

also, hasn't this already been done with lizard people and praying mantis peopple and aliens and and ? how did those crackpots do? ;-)
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Cramulus

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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2007, 06:05:36 pm »
Yeah, I wanted to try a different spin. The traditional Discordian take is that people tend to be boring, so be different. I'd like to suggest that people are the interesting ones, its just that the robots are in the majority.



My OBNOXIOUS JERK CABAL occasionally goes out in public in silly outfits to hand out pamphlet and flyers. One of our guidelines is to say something unrelated to the flyer to the people we're handing it to. 'Robots are among us' is a personal favorite.

« Last Edit: April 16, 2007, 06:23:42 pm by Professor Cramulus »

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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #6 on: April 16, 2007, 06:25:36 pm »
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
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Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it’s not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn’t matter." -- Max Tegmark

Cramulus

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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2007, 07:05:14 pm »
aaaand that's going on the wall of my cube.

and I like where this is going

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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2007, 08:47:34 pm »
23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait:




9.   People who lived on this planet a few hundred years age (ago) were antiquated and primitive because they believed in things like the sun moving around the earth, witchcraft, numerology, and that their outdated religion was the one true religion.

[/center]


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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2007, 09:53:56 pm »
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

Cramulus

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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #10 on: April 16, 2007, 10:42:17 pm »
*vigorously rubbing nipples*

omg this thread just keeps getting SEXIER

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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #11 on: April 17, 2007, 12:27:36 am »
I've formatted it into a pamphlet, for ease of distribution.

Download it here.

Can someone suggest some more art or clipart or what-have-you to spice up the interior / back panel?



EDIT: added a graphic, some general cleanup and rewording.

Downloaded, printed and folded for easy distribution to commence as soon as I leave this building.   8)
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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #12 on: April 17, 2007, 12:49:57 am »
“There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.” - M I C H E L   D E   M O N T A I G N E

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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #13 on: April 17, 2007, 05:51:38 am »
This is exactly the sort of thing we need.

EXACTLY.

Mittens to Cramulus, and the think-tank of imprisoned supergeniuses he seems to have locked in his rec room.

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Re: 23 Things to Amuse Yourself While You Wait
« Reply #14 on: April 17, 2007, 06:00:09 am »
i agree, this is the the funnest b.i.p. bandwagon i've jumped on.
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