Author Topic: Controlled Autism  (Read 22724 times)

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Controlled Autism
« Reply #60 on: March 07, 2008, 05:39:55 pm »
One of the benefits of epilepsy is that I have intermittent altered states in which I experience the world completely differently. I've actually, through experimentation, gotten to a point where sometimes I can enter these states by focusing on a trigger, but that's a little questionable and I rarely do it because one of the other benefits of epilepsy is memory loss.

“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Richter

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Re: Controlled Autism
« Reply #61 on: March 07, 2008, 06:48:32 pm »
Wow, I'd love to see an EEG of that...

Would you mind describing more?  Any specific way in which your perception differ, aftereffects, etc.?
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

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Jasper

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Re: Controlled Autism
« Reply #62 on: March 07, 2008, 08:21:15 pm »
Seconded, this is highly interesting.

N E T

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Re: Controlled Autism
« Reply #63 on: March 07, 2008, 11:38:28 pm »
MOAR DETAILS PLS, NIGEL!
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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Controlled Autism
« Reply #64 on: March 10, 2008, 05:52:32 am »
Well, the most typical experience (called an "aura" in medical terms, for some reason) is sort of like this:

Foreboding. Anticipation. Deja vu, or sometimes jamais vu. Earthquakes. The ambient light darkens. Everything shifts into unfamiliarity. All common things; my home, my family, flowers, clouds... all seem distinctly unusual, unfamiliar. The earth quivers, the light is gray but colors are exceptionally vivid, contrast heightened. There is unbelievable clarity; the world is a bell, or a chime. Sounds are incomprehensible without great attention, and they are clear, sharp, nearly overwhelming. Odors come from nowhere; green smells like vinegar, pink like formaldehyde. Nothing makes sense; everything makes sense, but not in the usual way. Sometimes dizziness. My body rushes. My vision becomes very specific: I am looking at only one thing at a time, and that thing is the entirety of my experience, and I am experiencing it with all my senses. The top of my head begins to tingle, feels cold. Then the release, a paralyzing moment which courses down my body from the crown of my head, and a return to normalcy, but with a lingering disorientation and sometimes (or maybe always; I have no way of knowing) memory loss. It doesn't always release, and that is what I mean when I say I can sometimes enter an altered state through focus on an obvious trigger. The drawback, of course, is when I can't avoid the progression into a full seizure, and although I do not have clonic-tonic seizures at all, ever, the memory loss from an absence seizure is not totally awesome.

I have never had an EEG done for this; my doctor actually suggested I not be formally diagnosed by a neurologist, because I am not interested in medication, there is no other treatment that can help, and it would definitely affect my insurability. I have had a number of MRIs and CT scans for other reasons, but they show nothing that could be linked to seizures, and I guess most temporal lobe epilepsy is kind of a mystery with no obvious physical cause.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Controlled Autism
« Reply #65 on: March 10, 2008, 05:53:53 am »
Oh, aftereffects; usually tiredness, loss of balance (I call it "tippiness") and a bit of a hard time assimilating my senses into something that really makes cohesive sense.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Jasper

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Re: Controlled Autism
« Reply #66 on: March 10, 2008, 06:00:24 am »
That's a trip.  I've heard of self-induced altered states, but wow.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Controlled Autism
« Reply #67 on: March 10, 2008, 06:11:23 am »
That's a trip.  I've heard of self-induced altered states, but wow.

It's usually involuntary, I've just learned that if I want to, I can induce partial seizures. I don't generally want to though.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Jasper

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Re: Controlled Autism
« Reply #68 on: March 10, 2008, 06:22:59 am »
Natch.  It sounds like it'd be scary.  Too bad it's dangerous.