I want to thank all of you for stopping by to read this, while simultaneously cursing all those who don't. You know who you are, and one day I will hunt you down like the dogs that you are. With that out of the way, I present you with a problem:
Who does a Discordian vote for in the 08' elections?
I have long pondered this whilst I would sit around at night, nursing myself with the hardest liquor I could steal. Many blackouts and regrettable bedmates later, I believe I have found the solution:
We must elect, or at least fail miserably at electing, a Saint of the highest caliber. Since we have not given sniper rifles or machine guns sainthood, I had to pass on that. So I settled for a fictional character. Why a fictional character?
They won't raise taxes, go to war, take bathes, fund the police, lie, and all host of things that the politicos seem to get off on. All the character could do is entertain us, and if we're all being entertained, then nobody will have time for all the other generally bad shit we as a species seem to get off on.
So, who is such a suitable candidate? Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you in welcoming to the stage an Exploded Aneristic Avatar(EAAAAAAAAA) of much renown, Mr. Daniel Plainview.http://youtube.com/watch?v=k4Zi2BBQ4y8
Thank you Mr. Plainview. Now already I can hear you begin to grumble, and I am anticipating your very angry and generally moody responses to begin flying around like disorganized apes throwing shit at each other. And I can deal with that, because I'm behind this riot shield.
But, as you fling your horrible, horrible feces at me, allow me to explain my choice. Bush is an oilman, but he tries to hide it. Well, if were going to elect an oilman, can we at least have one whose ruthlessness and general inhumanity we can all laugh at?
And he has a helluva mustache. If you remember the theory of Mustachio-Evil Thermodynamics, you'll recall the bigger the mustache, the more evil the person. Ladies and gentlemen, Daniel Plainview's mustache has devoured his upper lip.
But I digress.
We live in an age of absolute and unprecedented absurdity. China is hosting the Olympics while beating monks for Eris sake, and no government has the gall to lift a finger; The economy is sinking to the bottom of the toilet, right were we left our freedoms; Most Germans don't even know who the Red Baron was!
So in this age, I think we really need to establish a litmus test, to see how crazy we can really get, how far can we jump off the edge, and is there anything on the other side? Electing Mr. Plainview is that test.
Alright then, let me just get this-yes, ok. You may now proceed with your response, though I warn you if you get to close I will use my bear mace. It weighs alot, but you don't wanna get hit by a bear in the face.