Another self-whoring. This is something that I wrote a few weeks ago while waiting for my sugar cookies to finish baking. I just managed to get it typed up yesterday:
Cookies, and why they are yummy
From the Book of Saccharus, Ch. 1, v.1-9:
I. "In the beginning, after all the boring parts of Creation had been created, God created cookies. Of many different varieties He created them. And lo, he sorted them according to their kind, and, verily, according to their kind they were sorted. The 7th and 1/2lf day.
II. "After this had come to pass, God looketh down upon His other non-cookie Creations, and saweth that not one cookie was among them, and it was not good. And so God sayeth, 'Let there be cookies,' and it was so. The cookies, once province solely of heaven, sprangeth from humans' ovens according to their different varieties, and lo they became sorted again according to their kind and, verily, according to their kind they were sorted.
III. "And behold, at this time the Evil One walketh the earth. Havoc and misdeed guideth his steps. He saweth the cookies, and saweth that they were good, and spake, 'Verily I say, these cookies are good. I lament.' And he saweth the goodness of the cookies, and he lamented."
V. "In triumph the Evil One retreateth, and nay, all seemed lost. But God, as He looketh down upon his pitiful people, who hath now dieted away all cookies, took pity on us, and sayeth, 'Verily, this is not good,' and it was not."
VI. "Thus, God spake, saying, 'Thou shalt not diet excessively,' and lo, it was so."
VII. "And then God spake again, and He sayeth, 'Thou shalt not worry about what others think of thou,' and lo, it was so."
VIII. "At last God spake His final words, and He sayeth, 'Thou shalt enjoyeth to do what thou enjoyeth to do,' and lo, it was so."
IX. And thus, the Evil One thwarted, God retreateth back unto the heavens, leaving His spirit behind in the hearts of men and cookies forever. Amen."