Author Topic: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)  (Read 7685 times)

Chief Uwachiquen

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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #90 on: December 24, 2009, 04:27:45 am »
What did Michael Jackson and Farra Fawcett get for Christmas?



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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #91 on: December 24, 2009, 04:31:26 am »
What was Farra Fawcett's final wish? To save the children
In Soviet Russia, sins died for Jesus.

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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #92 on: February 22, 2010, 09:24:41 pm »
Two Asians walk into a bar.
In Soviet Russia, sins died for Jesus.

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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #93 on: February 22, 2010, 09:45:26 pm »
The third ducked.
Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial increases in corpse production.

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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #94 on: February 22, 2010, 09:50:08 pm »
 :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: damn it
In Soviet Russia, sins died for Jesus.

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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #95 on: February 22, 2010, 09:53:01 pm »
That's my favorite joke of all time. I always think its best to tell after a string of bar jokes, because people are all like "wut" and then after a few minutes they're :facepalm:
Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial increases in corpse production.

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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #96 on: March 12, 2010, 06:04:21 pm »
boomp

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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #97 on: June 23, 2011, 04:12:51 pm »
Heisenberg and Schrödinger are driving in a car and they get pulled over. The police officer asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” and Heisenberg says, “Well, not really, but I can tell you exactly where I was.”

The officer thinks that this peculiar response is grounds for a search, and he finds a dead cat in the trunk, and he says, “Do you guys know that there’s a dead cat in your trunk?!” Schrödinger replies, “Um, now I do.”

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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #98 on: June 23, 2011, 04:24:02 pm »
 :|
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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #99 on: June 23, 2011, 04:28:36 pm »
Heisenberg and Schrödinger are driving in a car and they get pulled over. The police officer asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” and Heisenberg says, “Well, not really, but I can tell you exactly where I was.”

The officer thinks that this peculiar response is grounds for a search, and he finds a dead cat in the trunk, and he says, “Do you guys know that there’s a dead cat in your trunk?!” Schrödinger replies, “Um, now I do.”

:mittens:

Add to this Terry Pratchett's angry quote from Death:  "Well, is it alive or dead?  I have a schedule to keep!"
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #100 on: June 23, 2011, 04:29:14 pm »
 :lulz:

oh I'm keeping that one.
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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #101 on: June 23, 2011, 04:40:07 pm »
I just sent that to my dad.
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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #102 on: June 23, 2011, 04:53:23 pm »
 :lulz: Frankenjoke.
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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #103 on: June 23, 2011, 04:56:11 pm »
In the early 1900s, the president of America went to visit Russia. Of course, Russia was still ruled by the Czar back then, and the American President was warmly welcomed by the whole Russian royal household.
As the two leaders and their entourages were dining one day, in one of the huge dining rooms in the palace, the Americans were telling the Russians about some of the great things in their country. One of thetopics of conversaion was the Grand Canyon in Colorado. Of course, the American were quite boastful about this being the largest canyon in the world, when suddenly, from the head of the table, the Czar stood up,and made an announcement.
"In Russia," he said, "we have a canyon even bigger than your Grand Canyon!"
Now no-one was going to stand up and contradict the Czar, but of course no-one believed him either.
Finally, the American president stood up, and said "Okay. Let's see this canyon then."
So an expedition was organised. Of course, their destination was way out in the remote wilderness, and they only had horses to travel with, so the going was slow. But eventually, after several weeks gruellingjourney, they finally arrived at where the canyon was supposed to be.
But there wasn't one. Not even a little one.
And then it dawned on everyone - he had been using Czar chasm to make them look stupid.

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Re: Awful Jokes thread (Callahan Crosstime Saloon)
« Reply #104 on: June 23, 2011, 05:27:28 pm »
ah hate yew
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"