Rev Roger, Welcome to the Monkeyhouse #6: Walking With the King

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The very worst thing that can happen to you is that you actually understand what Elvis was trying to tell us.

Ho ho!  Yes, because you CAN'T understand The King until you've walked with The King, down that Lost Highway where you actually SEE what's going on and it's so fucking horrible that you have to slam pills to go to sleep and drink wads of caffeine to wake up...in some kind of hellish speedball that you are fairly certain is killing you but God please God if I have to die on the toilet please let it be while I'm upper decking the American Legion, do ya dig?

You see, Elvis knew the score...and of course I'm talking about the REAL Elvis, the FAT Elvis, who ruled Vegas and Memphis with an iron grip.  Why do you think he lost his fucking mind, posed with Nixon, and then spent the rest of his life wearing a cape?  But now I know the score, too, and you know what?  Elvis doesn't look so ridiculous anymore.  The sequins, the boots, that stupid fucking jumpsuit...they are the product of a diseased mind, and that disease is called The Truth.  Elvis KNEW The Truth, and I have BEEN TO THE MOUNTAIN, and I have SEEN what he saw, and let me tell you, brothers and sisters, The Truth is an ugly thing.

DID YOU HEAR ME?  I SAID THE TRUTH IS AN UGLY THING!  CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH?

Would you like to know The Truth?  Before you answer, bear in mind that once you KNOW it, you can't UN-KNOW it, all you can do is spend the rest of your life staring at the ceiling all damn night and trying to forget!  And even if you WANT to know the truth, you CAN'T unless you can leave your petty little biases and hopes behind, and while most people SAY they can do that, they will almost always - at least in their own minds - add little qualifiers, usually involving Bush, Obama, Pelosi, and a religion or four.  Why?  Because they're fucking MONKEYS, and they have pack mentality programs running in their heads...everyone does.  Some people know this, fewer understand it, even less can look past it, and NOBODY can turn it off.

So fuck you.  I'm not telling you the truth, you wouldn't listen anyway.  You can just put yourself into the same condition I'm in, drink coffee until your lips turn numb, pop Ambien like a crackhead, and blast A Little Less Conversation on the CD player while you careen from lane to lane at 4AM screaming and howling at the morons who are for some reason on the road at that ungodly hour.  THEN you might understand.  THEN you might see.  THEN YOU MIGHT GET AN INKLING OF WHAT THE FUCK IS REALLY GOING ON!  THEN YOU MIGHT UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE BEING FUCKED EVEN WORSE THAN YOU THOUGHT, BY HORRIBLE THINGS YOU THOUGHT WERE YOUR LEADERS!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEE!

Or Kill Me.



 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

FUCK HIM, TOO!   

TGRR,
Slamming another cappuccino and watching the the sparkly things in front of my eyes.

[Jasper]

1st things 1st:  Great rant.  I think your sermons have influenced my writing style over the years.  Even my nice essays border on polemic.  That's the highest praise I've got.

once you KNOW it, you can't UN-KNOW it, all you can do is spend the rest of your life staring at the ceiling all damn night and trying to forget!

You're not really selling it to me.  Should I even want to know?

[M. Nigel Salt]

 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

1st things 1st:  Great rant.  I think your sermons have influenced my writing style over the years.  Even my nice essays border on polemic.  That's the highest praise I've got.

once you KNOW it, you can't UN-KNOW it, all you can do is spend the rest of your life staring at the ceiling all damn night and trying to forget!

You're not really selling it to me.  Should I even want to know?

Depends.  Have you reserved a bridge to sleep under, when you can sleep at all?

[Jasper]

I guess this calls into question the wide assumption that pure truth is an inherently noble thing.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I guess this calls into question the wide assumption that pure truth is an inherently noble thing.

Noble?  No.  Ugly.  Horrible.  Absolutely essential.  The only thing worth having.

[Jasper]

I guess this calls into question the wide assumption that pure truth is an inherently noble thing.

Noble?  No.  Ugly.  Horrible.  Absolutely essential.  The only thing worth having.

The truth you speak of, as I understand it, is that life is a senseless, pointless, hateful, planet-of-the-apes crapshoot, and the only thing with meaning is other people.  The horror is that the cause of all these problems is those same people, and to understand what it is to be human is to accept that we are monstrous.

Am I getting warmer?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I guess this calls into question the wide assumption that pure truth is an inherently noble thing.

Noble?  No.  Ugly.  Horrible.  Absolutely essential.  The only thing worth having.

The truth you speak of, as I understand it, is that life is a senseless, pointless, hateful, planet-of-the-apes crapshoot, and the only thing with meaning is other people.  The horror is that the cause of all these problems is those same people, and to understand what it is to be human is to accept that we are monstrous.

Am I getting warmer?

Not horrible enough.

[Jasper]

Now I'm curious as to how bad you think it is. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Now I'm curious as to how bad you think KNOW it is. 

Fixed.

See last paragraph of rant.

If you didn't listen to Elvis and Mohommed Ali and Screaming Lord Sutch and Johnny Cash, why the hell would you listen to me?   

[Adios]

Is it the fact that we are being led around by our nose rings while totally incapable of doing anything about it?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Is it the fact that we are being led around by our nose rings while totally incapable of doing anything about it?

Nobody is incapable.  They're just lazy and tired and overwhelmed and confused.

If they were given a minute to catch their breath, they'd tar and feather everyone on Capitol Hill, and then go rampaging across the mall towards the White House, wearing Scalia's face for a hat.

Why do you think everyone is kept in a constant state of anxiety/fear/fatigue?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I can't believe my first impulse was Dennis Leary.....it should plainly have been:
we can't handle the truth!

Only if Muhommed Ali said it.  While he punched you inna face.

[Adios]

I can't believe my first impulse was Dennis Leary.....it should plainly have been:


we can't handle the truth!

My favorite actor!