Author Topic: Drink it for fucking breakfast.  (Read 4412 times)

Salty

  • Anarcho-Kardashian, Prophet
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 71640
    • View Profile
Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« on: November 04, 2009, 01:06:41 am »

Don't worry.

This isn't some hippie yearning for a life subsisting on roots and hunting down herds of wild jersey cows. I don't think we should all buy Priuses (Priusi?), and use rice-based plastics to house and fuel our future fucking green megacorporations.

I want you to know that right up front when I talk about Oil.

When I say Oil, I don't just mean the oil we pump out of the ground. I mean the giant, well-lubed cog that powers our current civilization, I mean the underlying structure of our culture. The Thing that lets us root around in the filth we've piled around ourselves quite comfortably.

It's not the Oil we're addicted to, it's what the Oil gives us. Namely:  whatever we want.

And boy, do we want. We want stupidly designed and marketed vehicles that get shitty gas milage/kilometerage. We want to be comfortably stark naked inside our homes while it's -40 outside. (And who doesn't?). We want, well, I'm sure you're all more than aware of the constant sucking orifice that is our economic structure. They sell, we buy, we don't even know what the fuck we're buying anymore, BUT GOD DAMMIT WE WANT IT!

And hell, why shouldn't we? Where's the moral compass that says consume less? One that isn't, biased, impractical, fanatical and retarded, I mean. I would argue that in compulsive consumption the quality is missing, but I could argue a lot.

Now, to say that oil is Bad is missing the point. And it's inaccurate.
The black stuff in particular enables us to provide the most basic survival needs, for some, with ease.  And that has to be good because it further enables us to focus on other things. Like, say, Civil Rights. Or Miley Cyrus.

In fact, I LOVE what Oil has done for me, for all of us. In further fact, I don't have an existence that's free of it. So what the fuck would I know about anything else, amiright?

In furthest fact, I would like people to consume MORE. I want people to depend on Oil, I want them to drink it for fucking breakfast.

Because there's only so much. I have no idea when it's going to run out, no experience there. But, of course, it will.

I want that. I want us to turn the dial to 11 and soak in as much of the stuff as fast as we can.

I certainly don't want us to use less. Eventually, the rationing will be done for us, out of kindness, to be sure.

Have you ever had what you know to be the last supply of "something" and it will be awhile before you can replenish your stash? Probably you do, even if that "something" is candy. Well, you hoard what you have, and you suddenly find a wealth of will power where you had none before, and make do until you can git some more.

Except this time there won't be any more. A few last tastes before the dream comes to a crashing halt permanently.

That's no way to beat an addiction. No, there are only two ways really:

1) Work it out, therapy, find something alternative that offers the same/better fulfillment. And frankly, I think that's unlikely,

or

2) Hit rock bottom. From there you'll either find the strength and reason to get up or you'll stay there.

And besides, hitting rock bottom is easy. And fun.

All you have to do is Binge.

Binge and binge and binge.

Suck down that Oil by the throatfull. By a bigass truck with poor gas per kilo/mile. Turn on all your fucking lights and KEEP THEM ON GODAMMIT. In fact, just burn the shit in a barrel in your backyard. You will not only be Making a Difference, you will also be supporting your community by providing a heat source for the local "transients".

Write love letters on your significant's lawn with kersosene!
Learn how to swallow fire, then how to chug it!
Force others to use Oil, in whatever way you and they can!
Physically if required!

Do all this and encourage others to do the same.

Do this because if it's used up, if we're simply OUT. Well, then ingenuity should take over right? The actual NEED for progress in energy will force us to into finding/using methods that make sense, possibly even, don't require as much bloodshed.

Of course that's A) optimistic and B) leaving out something more immediately important AND unlike the ingenuity part, likely.
Namely: a world-wide shitstorm of aggression, violence, and (I can only hope) a sudden painful death of the culture Oil has given us.

What comes after will be primate behavior, to be sure. And we will most likely resurrect Oil, in style if not in substance, like so much massiah.  But that's OK. That's not the point.

The point is, I want to be there, to see the Cog shudder and hitch and finally take it last cancerous turn. Not because I'm a sadist, but because I hate to see a friend suffer. Okay, that wasn't exactly honest. I do want to see it suffer, but just a little.







Hah, wrote this, felt good about it. Re-read it, then remembered: Nukes.
Hurrr.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

  • v=1/3πr2h
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 687093
  • The sky tastes like red exuberance.
    • View Profile
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2009, 01:29:24 am »
I liked it, though. Well done, new guy.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Cramulus

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 130599
    • View Profile
    • Cramul.us
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2009, 01:44:05 am »





This rant will be yoinked for the eventual PALIN 2012 campaign.

because let's not fuck around - we want apocalypse, and we want it now!

The Johnny

  • did nots
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 41296
    • View Profile
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2009, 02:08:52 am »

When oil is done...

Coal would be their answer.

Which is as i understand, very much more polluting.

Salty

  • Anarcho-Kardashian, Prophet
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 71640
    • View Profile
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2009, 12:28:50 am »
I liked it, though. Well done, new guy.


 :)
Thanks.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #5 on: November 05, 2009, 05:33:14 pm »
Stop writing amazing shit.  It makes it really hard to hate you.  :crankey:

TGRR
WILL hate you anyfuckingway, but hates all this extra effort.  FFS.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Triple Zero

  • DO NOT ABUSE EXCEPT FOR URGENT FURNITURE MOVING EMERGENCIES
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 80835
  • Horrible and Sexy Queen of Cheese
    • View Profile
    • Random BIP
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #6 on: November 05, 2009, 07:14:01 pm »

When oil is done...

Coal would be their answer.

Which is as i understand, very much more polluting.

really? i thought they were making plans for nuclear.

which is a much better option IMO.

sure it has it's problems, but by now we don't really have a choice anymore and those things don't explode that often.
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

LMNO

  • Lubricated and Rabid Lungfish of Impending Sexdoom™
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 87074
  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
    • View Profile
    • Earfatigue Productions: When it has to sound like you give a shit.
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #7 on: November 05, 2009, 07:16:04 pm »
Can't we just harness TGRR's rage?

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Horrible Bastard
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 36736
    • View Profile
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #8 on: November 05, 2009, 07:24:05 pm »
Can't we just harness TGRR's rage?

Get your own bag.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

the other anonymous

  • Pink spraypaint
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 3559
    • View Profile
    • http://toa267.deviantart.com/
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #9 on: November 05, 2009, 09:19:09 pm »
I AM A BAG YUO MAY GET ME

Salty

  • Anarcho-Kardashian, Prophet
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 71640
    • View Profile
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #10 on: November 05, 2009, 11:32:25 pm »

When oil is done...

Coal would be their answer.

Which is as i understand, very much more polluting.

When we go from this:



To this:


People are going to be pissed.

Also, it's sort of hard to send coal 1000+ miles through a pipe.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Salty

  • Anarcho-Kardashian, Prophet
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 71640
    • View Profile
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #11 on: November 05, 2009, 11:34:10 pm »
Gyaa! To big.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Salty

  • Anarcho-Kardashian, Prophet
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 71640
    • View Profile
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #12 on: November 05, 2009, 11:36:17 pm »
Stop writing amazing shit.  It makes it really hard to hate you.  :crankey:

TGRR
WILL hate you anyfuckingway, but hates all this extra effort.  FFS.
:oops:

I'm sure I've got something rattling around that will feed the hate.

Honest.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Cainad (dec.)

  • Houseplant Supreme
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 93147
  • The Emperor's Hairy Right Hand
    • View Profile
    • Internet Forum Safari
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #13 on: November 06, 2009, 12:22:19 am »
This rant will be yoinked for the eventual PALIN 2012 campaign.

because let's not fuck around - we want apocalypse, and we want it now!

Yeah, when are we gonna get on that?

Rumckle

  • Made damn sure he
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 24739
  • Roaring bowel of the Discordiosphere
    • View Profile
Re: Drink it for fucking breakfast.
« Reply #14 on: November 06, 2009, 12:40:25 am »
2013
It's not trolling, it's just satire.