Author Topic: 23ae  (Read 15411 times)

Eater of Clowns

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #45 on: November 12, 2009, 09:42:35 pm »
I probably won't write anything particularly unique, how about an excerpt from my NaNoWriMo?  It's about a guy living in the present day who gets sick of the bullshit around him and decides to declare himself Emperor of the United States.  Working title is Norton II.

Quote from: Norton II
             With the freshness imbued by beloved rays Curtis rushed through the morning as though eating and bathing were unwanted distractions.  His announcement, crisp of dried mud and rain and numbering a hundred waited in his trunk.  Dressing in the most unassuming business casual attire he could find, complete with a lanyard for his keys and accessorized by a clipboard, he loaded the weathered stack of papers onto his person.  A pen, a staple gun, duct tape, and a thick black felt marker accompanied him.
             Curtis was a flurry that day, a storm of sharp staples and shiny tape and his edict.  He sensed telephone poles and bulletin boards as though by radar; colleges were goldmines and Boston, have to love it, is a college city.  The fervor with which he posted ran out when he saw his stack so greatly diminished after so short a time.  Three quarters through the pile, on a student activity board in Boston College, an administrative looking man walked up to him.
             "Excuse me, this board is for use by students and student businesses," he said irritably.
             "Right, well I'm a student and the papers are my business," Kurt, in exaggerated movements, stapled his sheet on top of something about guitar lessons.  His insolence was not lost; he realized after all the edicts he'd put up that day that the indoor boards were not meant for the heavy staple gun and their removal would necessitate a sizable chunk of the cork coming with it.
             "Let me see your student i.d. then," the man said impatiently.
             "Sorry, I don't have time, I need to get to class."
             "Oh?  Eleven fourteen is a strange time for class to start."
             "Actually, it's an eleven thirty class, and a sizable walk away so I need to get to it."
             "Ah, right.  Which building is that in?"
             "The, uh, English building."
             The man pointed out the window, his gesture landing a distance not two hundred yards from the door behind them.  "That English building?"
             "Oh, thank you so much for your help, I was a transfer this spring and I'm still learning my way around.  Putting these ads up must have turned me around worse than I thought.  Well, have a nice day," he strode off toward the door.
             The administrator watched him go, the series of lies running through his head.  He turned to see what it was this young man he was positive did not belong here was so eager to post.  He read the proclamation and read it again. 

Dear beloved countrymen, honorable citizens all,
 
On this day, April the fifteenth in the year two thousand and nine, I, Curtis Norton Mayhew declare myself Emperor of these United States.  I shall henceforth be known as Emperor Norton the Second, being the next in that line.
 
As Emperor of the lands, all sovereignty rests on my crown.  My coronation announcement is to follow in the weeks to come, an affair to which the current heads of state shall be invited.  I am sure to find them respectful quite as much as they are found to be respectable, their acknowledgment of this rightful throne both complete and enthusiastic.
 
The timeliness of this declaration is owed to the demand of a great many of the citizens of the United States of America, currently overburdened by the numerous crises of our time.  By the authority invested in me as Emperor I intend to address these concerns directly and efficiently, the action being not only my expressed desire but also an obligation to my people.
 
Cordially and sincerely,
Emperor Norton the Second

     His salute to the new throne was to snatch the stained paper from the board and crumple it.  Down the hallway, determinedly inspecting an advertisement for this season's new clothing line, an actual student caught the bizarre interaction.  With her phone at the ready, she caught the frustrated man in a photo at just the proper moment.  Curt noticed the girl noticing the man noticing his flier with a glance over his shoulder as he opened the door.  He stopped and turned in her direction.
             "Just saw a friend of mine, figured I would say hello since I have all this free time now," he explained to the man, walking off before a rebuttal could be formed.  He stopped before the girl, telling her, "walk with me."
             She did.  "What was that all about?"
             "I don't know," he confessed, "some guy with a lot of concern over bulletin boards.  Listen, let me see that picture."
             She showed him, the administrator sweeping his hand forward to snatch the offending paper.
             "Beautiful.  Listen, print this out and send it to the school newspaper.  They'll love it," he promised, then, noticing her trepidation, "or you could send it to me and I'll do it."
             "No, I'll take care of it," she assured, "suggested headline 'Staff Interferes with Student Activities'."
             "Oh, I love it.  What's your name, by the way?"
             "Tiffany," she told him.
             "Tiffany," he stopped and looked her in the eye earnestly, intensely, "you are now an operative under the command of Norton the Second, Emperor of the United States."
             Confusedly but not without humor she replied, dutifully, "The Emperor has my loyalty."
             He could have kissed her then, he was so happy with the turn of events.  He made a note to pick up the school paper the following day and it dawned on him.  "One more thing," he handed her one of his proclamations, then exiting the building and leaving the college behind.  An operative must be worth quite a few posters.
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the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #46 on: November 12, 2009, 09:44:00 pm »
It's about a guy living in the present day who gets sick of the bullshit around him and decides to declare himself Emperor of the United States.  Working title is Norton II.

Oh, you didn't...
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
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Eater of Clowns

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #47 on: November 12, 2009, 09:48:38 pm »
It's about a guy living in the present day who gets sick of the bullshit around him and decides to declare himself Emperor of the United States.  Working title is Norton II.

Oh, you didn't...

Didn't what?
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

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the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #48 on: November 12, 2009, 09:49:29 pm »
It's about a guy living in the present day who gets sick of the bullshit around him and decides to declare himself Emperor of the United States.  Working title is Norton II.

Oh, you didn't...

Didn't what?

I think I'll just call you Rupert Giles II.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eater of Clowns

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #49 on: November 12, 2009, 09:53:55 pm »
I had to google it.  The guy from Buffy?
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Cramulus

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #50 on: November 12, 2009, 09:55:20 pm »
Hoops, Enki, Roger, your username and password have been PM'd to you. Enjoy!


Before we fill up the place with the New Face of Chaos, I want to remind people that the intent is to keep the place alive (by some measure), and show other people why Eris really is the faith of choice for this decade.

The site's layout is pretty whack - There's no way to scroll back and see older posts. So if we post 10 entries in one day, the last 5 will be visible on the front page, and the other 5 will probably just sink into the archive with the other noise. So let's try not to move too fast. We'll burn ourselves out anyway.


Those of you that don't want an account, but can think of some stuff which should go on 23ae, please feel free to post it ITT! Or if you just want to hold it here before you post it, that's cool too. X-posting images, thread topics, or other content from PD is totally legit.. (sort of like Manta Obscura's Insightful Post Dump)

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #51 on: November 12, 2009, 10:01:05 pm »
The site's layout is pretty whack - There's no way to scroll back and see older posts. So if we post 10 entries in one day, the last 5 will be visible on the front page, and the other 5 will probably just sink into the archive with the other noise. So let's try not to move too fast. We'll burn ourselves out anyway.

Aw crap.  Anything I write is gonna get buried by Enki.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #52 on: November 12, 2009, 10:02:01 pm »
I had to google it.  The guy from Buffy?

Previous user here.  Aka "Eric".  Declared himself Norton II.

Why does everyone insist on pissing on the memory of Joshua Norton?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #53 on: November 12, 2009, 10:06:08 pm »
Yeah, my bets are on Enki posting a bunch of nothing just to see his name on the monitor.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #54 on: November 12, 2009, 10:08:58 pm »
Yeah, my bets are on Enki posting a bunch of nothing just to see his name on the monitor.

I'm gonna try it, but if that's the case...
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Chief Uwachiquen

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #55 on: November 12, 2009, 10:13:31 pm »
Yo, cram. Hook a brotha up!

Eater of Clowns

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #56 on: November 12, 2009, 10:20:26 pm »
I had to google it.  The guy from Buffy?

Previous user here.  Aka "Eric".  Declared himself Norton II.

Why does everyone insist on pissing on the memory of Joshua Norton?

I just figured the Christians had so much success doing the same to Jesus that I'd give it a shot, Roger.   :roll:
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

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the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #57 on: November 12, 2009, 10:22:07 pm »
I had to google it.  The guy from Buffy?

Previous user here.  Aka "Eric".  Declared himself Norton II.

Why does everyone insist on pissing on the memory of Joshua Norton?

I just figured the Christians had so much success doing the same to Jesus that I'd give it a shot, Roger.   :roll:

Yeah, well, don't let me stop you.  Why NOT stomp all over his memory?  Knock yourself out.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Eater of Clowns

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #58 on: November 12, 2009, 10:29:10 pm »
I had to google it.  The guy from Buffy?

Previous user here.  Aka "Eric".  Declared himself Norton II.

Why does everyone insist on pissing on the memory of Joshua Norton?

I just figured the Christians had so much success doing the same to Jesus that I'd give it a shot, Roger.   :roll:

Yeah, well, don't let me stop you.  Why NOT stomp all over his memory?  Knock yourself out.

So far I haven't paralleled any events in Norton's life, referred to the original one other than in name, or even give it much of an effect on the narrative at all.  The whole thing would work the same if he declared himself minister of his own religion or the reincarnation of Lewis Carrol.  I liked the idea of it being a tribute to a pretty amazing story, and given that it's a personal project I don't see what the problem is.

Then again, you made up your mind already and I might as well be arguing in favor of torturing puppies.
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

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the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: 23ae
« Reply #59 on: November 12, 2009, 10:31:13 pm »
I had to google it.  The guy from Buffy?

Previous user here.  Aka "Eric".  Declared himself Norton II.

Why does everyone insist on pissing on the memory of Joshua Norton?

I just figured the Christians had so much success doing the same to Jesus that I'd give it a shot, Roger.   :roll:

Yeah, well, don't let me stop you.  Why NOT stomp all over his memory?  Knock yourself out.

So far I haven't paralleled any events in Norton's life, referred to the original one other than in name, or even give it much of an effect on the narrative at all.  The whole thing would work the same if he declared himself minister of his own religion or the reincarnation of Lewis Carrol.  I liked the idea of it being a tribute to a pretty amazing story, and given that it's a personal project I don't see what the problem is.

Then again, you made up your mind already and I might as well be arguing in favor of torturing puppies.

Then why use the name?  Honestly curious, here.  People who don't know about Joshua Norton won't get it, and people who do will just roll their eyes and hit the scroll button.

Seriously.  It's been tried. 

But, hey, it's your rant. 
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.