Jabbered here to avoid spagging Suu's thread up any further.
I think I've spend a little too much time down the rabbit hole. It's strange down here, and it's full of Hideous Truths™ that, in retrospect, I didn't really need to know. The problem with this is that I have become, apparently, a very unlikeable person. Outside of my immediate family, I have maybe ten people that can stand my presence, and half of them are crazy or damaged in some way.
Looking back, I was probably better off making my money in Wrongfun ways, hanging out with whores and hustlers and the very dregs of society. At least I had someone to talk to, people that understood me. My people, as it were. They were shitheads, but they were there when I needed them, instead of merely expecting me to be there for them.
But the kids moved into state, and I had to become respectable, for their sake. I have to deal with teachers and college reps and a neighborhood that is full of a better class of scum. And as much fun as it is to tear into those people, I do kind of miss having more than a couple of people around me that like me.
As the man said, I can't take any more bad water, I've been poisoned from my head down to my shoes. Poisoned by exposure to Calvinists, exposure to the horrible fucks that live behind me, exposure to people who want to hear me rant, but don't particularly like to have me around otherwise. Exposure to people that want Roger on demand, who value my advice but not me, if you get what I'm saying.
Of course, I am certain that this is mostly me. I have been told, for example, that I am a very difficult person to live with, and people who are at first excited to hang out with me - or even talk with me - soon avoid me like the plague. I'm not sure what to do about that, because the day I become someone else for any reason, even for basic human contact, is the day I eat my fucking gun. And that ain't happening...I'm not done with you fucking primates yet.
So, no, things are not okay in the wastelands. Things are actually pretty fucking miserable. But they make pills for that, I have found, and the pills do okay. But I miss all the lowlifes I used to know, back when I knew how to Rock N Roll, back when the Lost Highway looked cool, when I was walking with The King. Maybe I need to get back to that, and stop relying on people who don't actually view me as a person.
Something has to be done. I refuse to live like this. I refuse to be a crying towel one day, and an unwanted annoyance the next. I refuse to be nothing more than entertainment on demand. If that's how people view me, then I shall remove the annoyance from those particular people. I am nothing if not considerate.
Let me be clear that I'm not bitching about "respect", here, or "my due", or any bullshit like that. I'm bitching that I have been reduced to an On-Demand presentation, or a monster, or some horrible thing that is best viewed from a distance...Ho ho! Look at the funny misanthrope and his funny pills and funny stories and okay, great, that's over, let's watch something else now. I have, it seems, an off button. My old associates were the scum of the Earth, really awful people in some cases, but they never aimed a remote at me when the funny ranting man ran out of rants for 10 seconds.
Something has to be done.
Or kill me.
