Author Topic: 2016 News, from our random temporal download packet sniffer (beta)  (Read 599 times)

BadBeast

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85% of  US Children show at least half a dozen behavioural markers for psychopathy, Nobel winning Psychologist Dr Lulzy McCuntbubble revealed this morning.  He said, of the secret tests whose results came out last week,  "Half of the children diagnosed will be medicated with Adderal, according to accepted ADHD protocols. The other half are to be enrolled in behavioural realignment centres, to undergo new 'Positive re-imprinting sessions' (Beta) to minimise the impact of their 'Dystopic parental engrams'.

The Investors will sanction the whole program as "Conducive to maximising potential erg quotient per unit processed". Then the whole team  get jobs in Pharmaceutical research. Military Applications of boundary re-alignment therapy., or some other fucked up way to abuse every neuro reprogramming bio-aug compound they find.

Not as a ladder to help us climb out of the psycho septic environment we seem to have been slopping around in forever, but to tunnel deeper into the stinking  turdstack of tradition, patriotism, and daily def-con updates after every weather report. The bastards. 

In Financial News tonight, Share prices in FucktechCorps have increased by a record 3300% in the last hour, despite their hostile takeover bid for SmithKlineBeecham collapsing earlier this morning. A spokesman for the Federal Wall St Reserve Stock Executive,  said the Markets this morning were "Ready for another good skullfuck".

In other News tonight, blah blah blah blah Eurofap blah bukkake wibble Angela Merkle egg on face.
£ Sterling blah blah burble gurp full of win.

Austroslavinian Insurgents invade France over imagined Nazi taunts .
France welcomes new administration with Gallic shrugs. Then blames Britain's "Soap Embargo" for the systematic breakdown of personal hygiene standards from Paris to Provence last year.

Britain's Foreign Secretary Howard Marks described the accusations yesterday as a "Load of old whiny bollocks".

Another 3000 Americans were Jailed yesterday for refusing to pay President Phelps' controversial Rapture Tax, bringing the total to 3,750,912 this year alone. Phelps has an unprecedented 100% backing from Congress, for a progressive new series of Interment programs to pick up the slack in the Prison system. Vice President Arpaio vowed yesterday to "Get the rest o' them Tax evading bastards safely locked away before next year's Tuscon Olympics".

Luckily, Mexico's successful bid for the menial labouring jobs means the newly formed Arizona Beachfront Olympic Complex can be built without cutting into the State Internment Budget.

Israel said yesterday that there would be no Enquiry into the Extra Judiciary Killing of Tony Blair by Mossad Agents last March. The evidence he was due to give in his Trial for alleged involvement in an Eastern European Paedophile / Downs syndrome sex trafficking ring will now not be heard, and the collapse of the other 92 cases that hinged upon Blair's vital testimony is expected to be announced later today.

In the Former Chinese territories yesterday, it was reported that . . . . . . . . . .  well, who the fuck cares?  Now, a word from The Lifestyle and Nutrition Agency about new Federal food sanctions.  Don't touch that dial . . .. .  :hanging:   
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

Your Mom

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Re: 2016 News, from our random temporal download packet sniffer (beta)
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2011, 12:57:33 am »
Won't you be surprised to read this in five years and realize that reality is much, much worse than you predicted?
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

The Suu

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Re: 2016 News, from our random temporal download packet sniffer (beta)
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2011, 01:12:10 am »
The Rapture tax paragraph made me  :horrormirth:, but I totally laughed my ass off.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

BadBeast

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Re: 2016 News, from our random temporal download packet sniffer (beta)
« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2011, 04:43:40 am »
Won't you be surprised to read this in five years and realize that reality is much, much worse than you predicted?
I know. I'm just hoping that there might be a little nugget of light hearted future relief, laughing at the naive humour these predictions will hopefully still have. 

So in five years, if this thread fails to deliver any relief at all, I shall know it's time to announce ther death of hope.     
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

Your Mom

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Re: 2016 News, from our random temporal download packet sniffer (beta)
« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2011, 04:50:41 am »
Won't you be surprised to read this in five years and realize that reality is much, much worse than you predicted?
I know. I'm just hoping that there might be a little nugget of light hearted future relief, laughing at the naive humour these predictions will hopefully still have. 

So in five years, if this thread fails to deliver any relief at all, I shall know it's time to announce ther death of hope.     

Man I hope. really really. Hope.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

BadBeast

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Re: 2016 News, from our random temporal download packet sniffer (beta)
« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2011, 04:57:57 am »
We are sorry to announce that Hope™ was found collapsed with breathing difficulties last night in the back of a London Cab. Paramedics were called, but Hope™ was pronounced dead at the scene, at 11.23pm.
Hope™'s Guardian, Miss Pandora said, between sobs,
"Hope™ always got a Cab home on the weekends, but she always managed to respirate properly up until now"  

Miss Pandora's partner Epimetheus, said "I wish I'd had the foresight to warn her of the dangers associated with respiratory failure. Then maybe she'd still be alive."    
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

BadBeast

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Re: 2016 News, from our random temporal download packet sniffer (beta)
« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2011, 05:03:21 am »
Late breaking. Upon further examination, it was found that Hope™ was in fact alive and well, and had just been holding her breath. For the attention. She has been grounded for 2 weeks, and had her leg slapped for causing the despair and misery suffered by millions in her absence.
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

BadBeast

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Re: 2016 News, from our random temporal download packet sniffer (beta)
« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2011, 09:14:41 am »
Gossip. As I write this post, I am being fellated by an A List Hollywood Actress. Obviously I wouldn't be so indiscrete as to name her, but she could suck a golf ball through 30 feet of garden hosepipe.
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

BadBeast

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Re: 2016 News, from our random temporal download packet sniffer (beta)
« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2011, 09:48:05 am »
Genito Urethra experts yesterday announced that this Christmas, Gonorrhea has knocked Chlamydia off the coveted top spot for the first time since 2012. Chlamydia, (now at #8) has shown a definite drop in popularity this year, and is now 2 places behind the normally less popular Syphillis, which has climbed from last years #15, right up to #6 this year.

Fellatio Gravelpit, spokesman for the Purification of Orifices, Cracks, and Knob Slops (Or P.O.C.K.S)
gave us this statement. "People seem to have gone for more traditional infections this year" As he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Both me and the Wife have gone for Crabs for a change" he said.

"We like the subtly interactive dynamic you get from parasites" said Mrs Slurpy Gravelpit. "You just don't get that with bacterial sepsis" She added wistfully. 
Anyway, here's this year's Top Ten rundown.

#1/  Gonorrhea
#2/ Trichmoniasis
#3/ Vaginitus
#4/ Genito Herpex Simplex ii
#5/ Crabs
#6/ Syphillis
#7/ NSU
#8/ Chlamydia
#9/ Molluscum Contagiosum
#10/Human Pappilomo Virus

"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

BadBeast

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Re: 2016 News, from our random temporal download packet sniffer (beta)
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2011, 10:27:18 am »
China's almost extinct Giant Panda, isn't in fact a Panda at all, according to the latest speculation from our Conservation Team. Scientists now believe that these Bear like black and white Bamboo munching Behemoths, are actually a special kind of Bear, called a "Panda".
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4