Author Topic: Diagnosis: Apathy  (Read 1013 times)

The Johnny

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Re: Diagnosis: Apathy
« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2009, 08:39:36 pm »

To me its just a Doctor bashing on Mr. Sapien.

The family part seems very projectative.

It is ambiguous metaphors for the most part, and at least for me, your keeping of ambiguity makes it a bit dull.

The Wizard

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Re: Diagnosis: Apathy
« Reply #16 on: December 03, 2009, 08:42:54 pm »
Hmm. Fair enough. Sorry you didn't like it. I kept the ambiguity because I was trying to not be obvious about my point.
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Brotep

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Re: Diagnosis: Apathy
« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2009, 09:26:10 pm »
While it's clear that the Doctor and the patient are part of the same thought process if not the same person, what is not clear is the way out.  There's the line that you have to save yourself, but also the sense that it's too late.

So I'm getting that this piece needs discussion (or elaboration) in order to be complete, since it doesn't present the reader with a way out.

The Johnny

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Re: Diagnosis: Apathy
« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2009, 09:30:37 pm »
Even do the aim of your tone seems to be a different one, id recommend you read up on Sepia's works.

Im not that good at stylistics per se, my thing is more concept.

Perhaps:

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=23103.msg784540#msg784540
« Last Edit: December 03, 2009, 09:32:16 pm by JohNyx »

The Wizard

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Re: Diagnosis: Apathy
« Reply #19 on: December 03, 2009, 10:10:17 pm »
I've read most of Sepia' stuff. It's what inspired me to do this piece. I usually write either straight fiction or a rant where I just state my idea. I think I'll need more practice in this type of writing.
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