INTERMITTENS 8: Self Reliance

[Effigy_Power]

I'll probably have a little fake-mercial for you as well. Can't say quite yet if it's working out. You'll know before the weekend.

[M. Nigel Salt]

Here ya go:

[Ratssinis]

Here ya go:

I like how 'Cows' is the only thing circled.

[Effigy_Power]

I love the high position of Astroglide ^_^
That's the right way to go by your priorities!

[Xila31]

Hi Effigy! Nice to see you. 

[Guy Incognito]

That's truly everything a person needs.  In fact that's a pretty good list of things to just keep lying around the house

[Dimocritus]

Figured I'd give this a shot. I'm not sure on how I feel about this myself, but, hey, it was worth a shot. If you feel like it's almost there, let me now what I should fix up.

What it Means to be a Self-Reliant American in 2010-20XX

or

Why the Youth is Doomed

I know what to do in any given situation. I am completely idependant and self reliant. Some people say that I wouldn't last any more than thirty-two seconds during the "Zombie Apocolypse" (whatever that means), but I'm a full eighteen years old now, and you know what? That makes me an adult. And we all know that adults are all in complete control of their lives. You can't tell me anything that I don't already know, and like I said, I know what it means to be self-reliant. For instance: When I'm hungry, I drive to the closest TGI Fridays and order my fave, Jack Daniels Chicken strips (Nom Nom, lolol). If I'm really starving, and I'm too weak to drive, I just order pizza or chinese, and it's there in a flash! Some people ask what I would do if, say, my car broke down, but seriously, they must be either busting my balls or just downright incompetant. I trust my mechanic to fix my car, and I drop it off there all by myself.

These same people, though, are really persistant. They asked me what I would do if my clothes got ripped or torn, how would I protect myself from the enviroment? These guys are soooo dumb lol. I'd go to Old Navy and get new clothes! And I doubt there's anything some stupid zombie could do about it. After that, these people asked me "what if there are no more Old Navy's?" (as if that could ever happen) I just said "Hollister!" while stuffing my face with an Auntie Anne's specialty pretzel (I swear to God, I don't now what I would do without pretzels! I think I might die!)

I think after that, they started to get angry. I think they started to feel dumb for asking so many stupid questions, because they started asking me what I would do if I were in immediate physical danger. Well, funny joke on them, I called the cops! Everyone knows that you're supposed to call the police when you're in danger! Now these dumb people won't bother me any more and I can spend my time being self-reliant, right in front of my T.V.set. Just as soon as my mom finishes making dinner...

[Jasper]

I want to KILL the kid in that story!

In other words,

[Cainad]

Figured I'd give this a shot. I'm not sure on how I feel about this myself, but, hey, it was worth a shot. If you feel like it's almost there, let me now what I should fix up.

What it Means to be a Self-Reliant American in 2010-20XX

or

Why the Youth is Doomed

I know what to do in any given situation. I am completely idependant and self reliant. Some people say that I wouldn't last any more than thirty-two seconds during the "Zombie Apocolypse" (whatever that means), but I'm a full eighteen years old now, and you know what? That makes me an adult. And we all know that adults are all in complete control of their lives. You can't tell me anything that I don't already know, and like I said, I know what it means to be self-reliant. For instance: When I'm hungry, I drive to the closest TGI Fridays and order my fave, Jack Daniels Chicken strips (Nom Nom, lolol). If I'm really starving, and I'm too weak to drive, I just order pizza or chinese, and it's there in a flash! Some people ask what I would do if, say, my car broke down, but seriously, they must be either busting my balls or just downright incompetant. I trust my mechanic to fix my car, and I drop it off there all by myself.

These same people, though, are really persistant. They asked me what I would do if my clothes got ripped or torn, how would I protect myself from the enviroment? These guys are soooo dumb lol. I'd go to Old Navy and get new clothes! And I doubt there's anything some stupid zombie could do about it. After that, these people asked me "what if there are no more Old Navy's?" (as if that could ever happen) I just said "Hollister!" while stuffing my face with an Auntie Anne's specialty pretzel (I swear to God, I don't now what I would do without pretzels! I think I might die!)

I think after that, they started to get angry. I think they started to feel dumb for asking so many stupid questions, because they started asking me what I would do if I were in immediate physical danger. Well, funny joke on them, I called the cops! Everyone knows that you're supposed to call the police when you're in danger! Now these dumb people won't bother me any more and I can spend my time being self-reliant, right in front of my T.V.set. Just as soon as my mom finishes making dinner...

  +

[Xila31]

I wish I could remember the full conversation I had with the girls that work at Target, which ended in them being shocked someone didn't have a cell phone. I think they would get alone nicely with the guy in your story.

[The Wizard]

What it Means to be a Self-Reliant American in 2010-20XX
or
Why the Youth is Doomed

I know what to do in any given situation. I am completely idependant and self reliant. Some people say that I wouldn't last any more than thirty-two seconds during the "Zombie Apocolypse" (whatever that means), but I'm a full eighteen years old now, and you know what? That makes me an adult. And we all know that adults are all in complete control of their lives. You can't tell me anything that I don't already know, and like I said, I know what it means to be self-reliant. For instance: When I'm hungry, I drive to the closest TGI Fridays and order my fave, Jack Daniels Chicken strips (Nom Nom, lolol). If I'm really starving, and I'm too weak to drive, I just order pizza or chinese, and it's there in a flash! Some people ask what I would do if, say, my car broke down, but seriously, they must be either busting my balls or just downright incompetant. I trust my mechanic to fix my car, and I drop it off there all by myself.

These same people, though, are really persistant. They asked me what I would do if my clothes got ripped or torn, how would I protect myself from the enviroment? These guys are soooo dumb lol. I'd go to Old Navy and get new clothes! And I doubt there's anything some stupid zombie could do about it. After that, these people asked me "what if there are no more Old Navy's?" (as if that could ever happen) I just said "Hollister!" while stuffing my face with an Auntie Anne's specialty pretzel (I swear to God, I don't now what I would do without pretzels! I think I might die!)

I think after that, they started to get angry. I think they started to feel dumb for asking so many stupid questions, because they started asking me what I would do if I were in immediate physical danger. Well, funny joke on them, I called the cops! Everyone knows that you're supposed to call the police when you're in danger! Now these dumb people won't bother me any more and I can spend my time being self-reliant, right in front of my T.V.set. Just as soon as my mom finishes making dinner...

Oh god damn. I know this person. Six of him.

[Dimocritus]

Oh god damn. I know this person. Six of him.

That's it? They're everywhere over here...

[Phosphatidylserine]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/__XCWUd8FFjQ/S1cRcvvDW2I/AAAAAAAAI24/hsVAEAjV8sA/s1600-h/A-Bomb.jpg
If someone can edit/clone this (I might later) it would fit in well. I'm not too sure about copyright issues, though.

[Guy Incognito]

I like it, but unless we can know for sure that it isn't copyrighted then I don't think we ought to use it.
Perhaps a parody?

[Phosphatidylserine]

A parody works.