Author Topic: gnimbley loses his mind  (Read 21089 times)

Slarti

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #30 on: August 16, 2004, 04:02:07 am »
okay i'll bite. gimme a while to read it and i'll tell you what i think.

Slarti

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #31 on: August 16, 2004, 04:50:56 am »
very nice. i don't understand the metaphor in the last act but besides that i really like it.

CannedLizard

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #32 on: August 16, 2004, 05:17:31 am »
This doesn't entirely sit right with me, probably because I got used to it being a comedy. I'm not a huge fan of drama, however I am interested in where this is going. Keep it up.

Quote
[Taylor wanders around the stage, examines things, maybe peers out into the audience as if she thinks she sees something.]


Oh no you don't, get the fuck away! I finished that goddamned book and it's done! A book can't open itself! Even if it IS the Athenian Murders! GET THE FUCK AWAY!

[Lights go down, then come back up]

Quote from: Mrs. Bush
He's run off.
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namu

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #33 on: August 16, 2004, 12:20:43 pm »
I like the second act 2, gives a new insight on the audience's trial (the furies speech accusing the audience, in the first, was really nice). But somehow I miss there being the real G.W. Bush on trial, though. Except if that's just some Taylor's illusion.
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gnimbley

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #34 on: August 16, 2004, 03:53:22 pm »
Quote from: Slartibartfast
very nice. i don't understand the metaphor in the last act but besides that i really like it.


Which metaphor is that? Or are you talking about the entire second act as metaphor?

Quote from: CannedLizard
This doesn't entirely sit right with me, probably because I got used to it being a comedy. I'm not a huge fan of drama, however I am interested in where this is going. Keep it up.

Quote
[Taylor wanders around the stage, examines things, maybe peers out into the audience as if she thinks she sees something.]


Oh no you don't, get the fuck away! I finished that goddamned book and it's done! A book can't open itself! Even if it IS the Athenian Murders! GET THE FUCK AWAY!

[Lights go down, then come back up]

Quote from: Mrs. Bush
He's run off.


Act three goes back to being more of a comedy, but there were a lot of non-comedic elements in Act 1. I am not sure I get your Athenian Murders reference. Are you simulating what the audience is thinking? Eris did say she was going to play with them at the very beginning, didn't she?

Quote from: namu
I like the second act 2, gives a new insight on the audience's trial (the furies speech accusing the audience, in the first, was really nice). But somehow I miss there being the real G.W. Bush on trial, though. Except if that's just some Taylor's illusion.


How do you know that Act 2 isn't the dream and Act 1 the reality? Taylor will, near the end of Act  3, walk up to the audience and say "It's all your fault."  :twisted:

Slarti

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #35 on: August 16, 2004, 11:23:10 pm »
err yes i figured the entire second act was supposed to be a metaphor for something. i probably read too much into it.

Gimoz

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #36 on: August 19, 2004, 08:52:11 pm »
I cant wait to read the rest of it! Hooray for Gnimbley the ?ºber gnome!

gnimbley

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #37 on: August 30, 2004, 06:40:31 am »
A new copy of the play has been uploaded to my server. It is available, as usual, in pdf form by clicking on the link below. (Or any of the previous links. They are all the same.)

The new version contains the first two scenes of Act III. The first scene is very short, so I waited until I had finished scene two before I posted it. I am not happy with scene two, the interrogation part that is. But this is a first draft, so I will have to fix my problems in the rewrite.

The play in now 94 pages long. Since it takes, I figure, about a minute a page; the play is now approximately an hour and a half in length. I expect there will be at least two more scenes. I have three more people I want to testify. And then will come the cheesy ending and the audience gets to go get drunk. I expect the play to run over two hours in the first draft and to come in less than that after the rewrites.

Enjoy. Or not.

The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome

CannedLizard

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #38 on: August 30, 2004, 05:09:24 pm »
Actually, Scene II isn't that bad. It's gone back to the drama-type bits being followed by a comedy-type bit to balance it out. This time you have the monologue of the judge being offset by the usual Eris appearance. I have to admit, the whole Taylor-Bush thing (which will hopefully be improved on rewrites) is only offset by Megaera and the brilliant "Death match cage!" comment, but I guess a little drama is good, as it's setting up the ending.
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gnimbley

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« Reply #39 on: August 30, 2004, 08:16:58 pm »
Yeah. The Taylor Bush thing is there really to set other stuff up. You can tell I wasn't really into it. Maybe when I get to the end I will figure out what goes there. Sure isn't what I got.

DEATH CAGE MATCH!!!!!!!!!!  Woo Hoo!

LMNO

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #40 on: September 03, 2004, 05:59:01 pm »
I really like the first act, and parts of the 2nd & 3rd.  I wasn't too psyched about the "this is what's really going on" second act; i can see how doing this makes the Everyman American complicit in the war, something overtly stated by Louis in the 3rd act.  But i think the whole "cheating husband/9-11 mistress" thing is a bit dull.

The again, I'm not sure I can do any better.

Either way, there were parts that made me laugh out loud, so thanks.

DJRubberducky

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #41 on: September 03, 2004, 07:38:33 pm »
I think Eris's speech about "no fnords" will need a bit of a re-write, and I'm not sure I like the whole "working the word 'polemic' into the play" thing, but other than that I'm having fun.

And I'm still very much Megaera.  Angry yet easily distracted. :D

Did you have any sort of costuming ideas in mind for the Furies?  I keep having ideas that are variations on the chiton - either all black/purple, or one red/black, one black/gray, and one gray/red (stealing the colour scheme from the Roman/Celt battle scene).  And in the case of the latter, Taylor's Fury costume could be white and one of the other three colours.
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DJ's post is sort of like those pills you drop into a glass of water, and they expand into a dinosaur, or something.

Black sheep are still sheep.

LMNO

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #42 on: September 07, 2004, 01:07:19 pm »
I was thinking about the "fnords" bit, and i was wondering.. Is there any way you could have the fnords disclaimer in the program?  I understand that it's a bit contradictory to have "fnord" written down to talk about the fnords, but then again, contradiction is always fun...  I think a disclaimer on the back of the playbill announcing the lack of Fnords in the set design would be subtle, but effective.

gnimbley

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« Reply #43 on: September 07, 2004, 03:11:38 pm »
Customing, set design, program design etc. I am not making any
demands on these. I put in a suggestion about set design at the
beginning for people with a limited budget. You know, college students.
But basically, I am leaving it up to the production to work out what
they want to do with that kind of stuff.

Of course, I think I also said somewhere that you could rewrite the
dialog if you want.

Thanks for the feedback. I will keep everything in mind when I do the
first rewrite.

Oh, and Ducky... Death Cage Match!

DJRubberducky

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gnimbley loses his mind
« Reply #44 on: September 07, 2004, 04:49:48 pm »
DEATH CAGE MATCH!!!!

JERRY!  JERRY!  JERRY!  JERRY!
- DJRubberducky
Quote from: LMNO
DJ's post is sort of like those pills you drop into a glass of water, and they expand into a dinosaur, or something.

Black sheep are still sheep.