Author Topic: Half Asleep  (Read 4996 times)

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Half Asleep
« on: June 04, 2010, 07:10:42 am »
The phone was ringing. I must have been asleep...

I didn't want to pick up the phone, but when you're groggy you don't really have a lot of sense.

"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Kevin?"
"mmm, yeah..." I yawned. I sat up in bed and put my glasses on.
"Good morning, sir..." I registered the English accent, with a vague alarm. My father went off to England and I haven't heard from him.
The Englishman continued, "...I'm with the British consulate." My vague alarm subsided.
"Ok"
"We're calling to inform you that due to your recent activities with the IRA, Her Majesty's Government has sentenced you to death by lethal injection, to be carried out at half twelve AM, tomorrow morning. If you do not show, you are subject to arrest."
"Oh, hmmm... well is there anyway we could not do that?"
"Terribly sorry no"
"Oh."
"The execution will take place at the consulate. Do you need directions?"
"No. I can google it."
"Right, try to come 15 minutes early. Have a lovely day."
"You too."
"Thanks."

I hung up the phone and went about my morning routine, half asleep like a zombie. I mentioned off-handedly to my roommates that they would have to find a replacement for me immediately.

Fuck it, I'll take the day off.

As the coffee worked its way in, the import of my morning phone call sunk in. I should probably put my affairs into order. I called my mom and my sisters, told them that I loved them. Called my band to let them know what was up. Called my girlfriend, who also happens to be my band's bassist. Every last one of them asked me, "Well, are you involved with the IRA?"
"No, I just go about my business, you know?"
"I think you should call them back and tell them it was a mistake."
"I already agreed to it. Bastards got me while I was half asleep."
"Well you should call them back, and tell them it was a mistake."
"No, that's too much hassle. Besides, they wouldn't buy it anyway."

I went about my business, as usual. Every so often my impending doom would dawn upon me and I'd choke up and feel a mix of emotions. Anger, frustration, sadness, regret. Whenever this happened, I would make note of the time and say to whoever was present how much time I had to live. Around lunch time this happened. "Twelve hours on the dot and I'm dead!"

It was a comfort mechanism. I'm one of those people who resorts to humor when they can't express themselves otherwise. I wasted the time away, thinking of what I should do for my last hours of life. Nothing really came to me. Too short of a notice.

Evening came, and there wasn't much time left. I went to Dorchester to see my girlfriend one last time, to have dinner and a couple of drinks with her, and have one last roll in the hay. When I met up with her we were talking about it.

"You know this doesn't make any fucking sense. I never did anything to warrant the death penalty, let alone from a foreign government. Why should I put up with this shit? Fuck it, I'm not going. They can come and get me. If I can squeeze in an extra 5 minutes all the better. Assholes probably won't even take notice, since I'm just a piece of paper."

This naturally was fuelled by a combo of whiskey and Guinness. We went back to her place and had that roll in the hay. As we were cuddling in the afterglow, I looked over at the clock, which said 12:35.

I smiled. Then I realized that the UK doesn't have the death penalty anymore.

The phone was ringing. I must have been asleep...
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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2010, 07:30:39 am »
 :mittens:

This is great.
If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

Nepos twiddletonis

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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2010, 07:40:14 am »
:mittens:

This is great.

I actually dreamt this two nights ago. Gotta say, weirdest sex dream I ever had.
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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2010, 08:30:16 am »
:mittens:

This is great.

I actually dreamt this two nights ago. Gotta say, weirdest sex dream I ever had.

You obviously never had the fisting-an-elephant-urethra dream then?  :lulz:
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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2010, 09:30:55 am »
I will now!

holy crap that was awesome though Twid
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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2010, 01:12:50 pm »
I will now!

holy crap that was awesome though Twid

Thanks NP
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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2010, 01:13:40 pm »
:mittens:

This is great.

I actually dreamt this two nights ago. Gotta say, weirdest sex dream I ever had.

You obviously never had the fisting-an-elephant-urethra dream then?  :lulz:

No, but I'll let you know when I do
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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2010, 06:30:21 pm »
Suddenly you scare me.

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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #8 on: June 04, 2010, 06:32:37 pm »
Suddenly you scare me.

How's that?
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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #9 on: June 04, 2010, 06:33:34 pm »
The phone was ringing. I must have been asleep...

I didn't want to pick up the phone, but when you're groggy you don't really have a lot of sense.

"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Kevin?"
"mmm, yeah..." I yawned. I sat up in bed and put my glasses on.
"Good morning, sir..." I registered the English accent, with a vague alarm. My father went off to England and I haven't heard from him.
The Englishman continued, "...I'm with the British consulate." My vague alarm subsided.
"Ok"
"We're calling to inform you that due to your recent activities with the IRA, Her Majesty's Government has sentenced you to death by lethal injection, to be carried out at half twelve AM, tomorrow morning. If you do not show, you are subject to arrest."
"Oh, hmmm... well is there anyway we could not do that?"
"Terribly sorry no"
"Oh."
"The execution will take place at the consulate. Do you need directions?"
"No. I can google it."
"Right, try to come 15 minutes early. Have a lovely day."
"You too."
"Thanks."

I hung up the phone and went about my morning routine, half asleep like a zombie. I mentioned off-handedly to my roommates that they would have to find a replacement for me immediately.

Fuck it, I'll take the day off.

As the coffee worked its way in, the import of my morning phone call sunk in. I should probably put my affairs into order. I called my mom and my sisters, told them that I loved them. Called my band to let them know what was up. Called my girlfriend, who also happens to be my band's bassist. Every last one of them asked me, "Well, are you involved with the IRA?"
"No, I just go about my business, you know?"
"I think you should call them back and tell them it was a mistake."
"I already agreed to it. Bastards got me while I was half asleep."
"Well you should call them back, and tell them it was a mistake."
"No, that's too much hassle. Besides, they wouldn't buy it anyway."

I went about my business, as usual. Every so often my impending doom would dawn upon me and I'd choke up and feel a mix of emotions. Anger, frustration, sadness, regret. Whenever this happened, I would make note of the time and say to whoever was present how much time I had to live. Around lunch time this happened. "Twelve hours on the dot and I'm dead!"

It was a comfort mechanism. I'm one of those people who resorts to humor when they can't express themselves otherwise. I wasted the time away, thinking of what I should do for my last hours of life. Nothing really came to me. Too short of a notice.

Evening came, and there wasn't much time left. I went to Dorchester to see my girlfriend one last time, to have dinner and a couple of drinks with her, and have one last roll in the hay. When I met up with her we were talking about it.

"You know this doesn't make any fucking sense. I never did anything to warrant the death penalty, let alone from a foreign government. Why should I put up with this shit? Fuck it, I'm not going. They can come and get me. If I can squeeze in an extra 5 minutes all the better. Assholes probably won't even take notice, since I'm just a piece of paper."

This naturally was fuelled by a combo of whiskey and Guinness. We went back to her place and had that roll in the hay. As we were cuddling in the afterglow, I looked over at the clock, which said 12:35.

I smiled. Then I realized that the UK doesn't have the death penalty anymore.

The phone was ringing. I must have been asleep...

I never even had anything like this on acid.

Nepos twiddletonis

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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #10 on: June 04, 2010, 06:40:14 pm »
Ah, well, I get some pretty funky dreams time and again, though you do have a point, this one's a really weird one.
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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #11 on: June 05, 2010, 02:20:17 am »
I fucking love "Oh. Hmm... Is there any way we could not do that?"  Just the cozy, unalarmed, just wait and see if I give a damn tone.   :lulz:

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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #12 on: June 05, 2010, 04:13:56 am »
I fucking love "Oh. Hmm... Is there any way we could not do that?"  Just the cozy, unalarmed, just wait and see if I give a damn tone.   :lulz:

Yeah, that's why I included it here. I thought that the general concept jived with Discordia. I thought a lot about the dream and wondered what my subconscious was trying to tell me. Still not sure I have my head wrapped around it. My apparent initial non-chalantness got me thinking. Could be metaphoric that people (myself included) just kinda let stuff happen and don't really question it.
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Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2010, 08:29:51 pm »
The phone was ringing. I must have been asleep...

I didn't want to pick up the phone, but when you're groggy you don't really have a lot of sense.

"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Kevin?"
"mmm, yeah..." I yawned. I sat up in bed and put my glasses on.
"Good morning, sir..." I registered the English accent, with a vague alarm. My father went off to England and I haven't heard from him.
The Englishman continued, "...I'm with the British consulate." My vague alarm subsided.
"Ok"
"We're calling to inform you that due to your recent activities with the IRA, Her Majesty's Government has sentenced you to death by lethal injection, to be carried out at half twelve AM, tomorrow morning. If you do not show, you are subject to arrest."
"Oh, hmmm... well is there anyway we could not do that?"
"Terribly sorry no"
"Oh."
"The execution will take place at the consulate. Do you need directions?"
"No. I can google it."
"Right, try to come 15 minutes early. Have a lovely day."
"You too."
"Thanks."

I hung up the phone and went about my morning routine, half asleep like a zombie. I mentioned off-handedly to my roommates that they would have to find a replacement for me immediately.

Fuck it, I'll take the day off.

As the coffee worked its way in, the import of my morning phone call sunk in. I should probably put my affairs into order. I called my mom and my sisters, told them that I loved them. Called my band to let them know what was up. Called my girlfriend, who also happens to be my band's bassist. Every last one of them asked me, "Well, are you involved with the IRA?"
"No, I just go about my business, you know?"
"I think you should call them back and tell them it was a mistake."
"I already agreed to it. Bastards got me while I was half asleep."
"Well you should call them back, and tell them it was a mistake."
"No, that's too much hassle. Besides, they wouldn't buy it anyway."

I went about my business, as usual. Every so often my impending doom would dawn upon me and I'd choke up and feel a mix of emotions. Anger, frustration, sadness, regret. Whenever this happened, I would make note of the time and say to whoever was present how much time I had to live. Around lunch time this happened. "Twelve hours on the dot and I'm dead!"

It was a comfort mechanism. I'm one of those people who resorts to humor when they can't express themselves otherwise. I wasted the time away, thinking of what I should do for my last hours of life. Nothing really came to me. Too short of a notice.

Evening came, and there wasn't much time left. I went to Dorchester to see my girlfriend one last time, to have dinner and a couple of drinks with her, and have one last roll in the hay. When I met up with her we were talking about it.

"You know this doesn't make any fucking sense. I never did anything to warrant the death penalty, let alone from a foreign government. Why should I put up with this shit? Fuck it, I'm not going. They can come and get me. If I can squeeze in an extra 5 minutes all the better. Assholes probably won't even take notice, since I'm just a piece of paper."

This naturally was fuelled by a combo of whiskey and Guinness. We went back to her place and had that roll in the hay. As we were cuddling in the afterglow, I looked over at the clock, which said 12:35.

I smiled. Then I realized that the UK doesn't have the death penalty anymore.

The phone was ringing. I must have been asleep...

I've seen some imaginative and devious ways to coax a shag out of someone, but Dude, when she realises it was all just a ploy to get some gratuitous, bittersweet sleep sex with her you're going to wish that the phonecall was for real.
But hats off to you, it was very artfully done, and thoroughly entertaining. 

So how come whenever I have sex dreams, they're always about sex. Get's a bit tedious, banging your nail into the same old dream all the time, night after night.  Maybe I just need a bit of "strange".   
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Nepos twiddletonis

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Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #14 on: June 11, 2010, 03:20:16 am »
I've seen some imaginative and devious ways to coax a shag out of someone, but Dude, when she realises it was all just a ploy to get some gratuitous, bittersweet sleep sex with her you're going to wish that the phonecall was for real.
But hats off to you, it was very artfully done, and thoroughly entertaining. 

So how come whenever I have sex dreams, they're always about sex. Get's a bit tedious, banging your nail into the same old dream all the time, night after night.  Maybe I just need a bit of "strange".   

I must have had just the right combination of events and conversations of the previous day plus other stuff on my mind for this dream. No clue. Thought it was pretty cool though, but I was very confused when I was actually transitioning to a waking state. The only bit about this that was added was that the phone wasn't ringing when I woke up for real. I thought it would be cool to have the end mirror the beginning. But thanks man, good to know that some of my weird dreams are worth sharing.
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