Author Topic: Half Asleep  (Read 13181 times)

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 260359
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #60 on: November 01, 2013, 07:43:02 am »
I had a particularly funny one that I shared with Villager about a year ago (so it's going to be vaguely remembered and brief).

But, I had a dream about this one former coworker who just showed up and really really wanted to do me. And I was like, "you're really hot and I would love to, but I can't." "Why not?" "I.... I don't know. I'm not supposed to have sex with you though." "Are you sure?" "Yes. Unfortunately. Can't put my finger on why, I just know I'm not supposed to." "Well... that's disappointing." "You're telling me. I just know I can't have sex with you. No idea why. But there's a really good reason for it." "Ok." and she goes away and I go dammit. Then I roll over, open my eyes and see the back of Villager's head and go, "Oh, right... that's why I caaaaIWASFUCKINGDREAMINGANDTOTALLYCOULDGOBACKGOBA CKGOBACK!!!!!!"

Didn't happen. Villager got a huge kick out of it though.
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Q. G. Pennyworth

  • Slimy Thing Who
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 84588
  • QUEEN BITCH OF FLYERS
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #61 on: November 01, 2013, 12:47:02 pm »
Your brain is a JERK  :lulz:
Overheating Pheremone Pustule of Last Saturday's Jiggle Fun| _xgeWireToEvent: Unknown extension 131, this should never happen.

Don't fucking judge me, I've got tentacles for a face.

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 260359
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #62 on: November 01, 2013, 03:51:13 pm »
Your brain is a JERK  :lulz:

 :lulz:

It's kind of a weird head to sleep in.
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 260359
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #63 on: June 05, 2014, 02:42:46 pm »
Bump for later
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 260359
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #64 on: June 06, 2014, 12:15:12 am »
I was in the house I grew up in, in the attic, midsister's old room. But it's where I live now, I live in the attic. I'm with my friend Chris. We're drinking and there's a party going on on the lower floors. Chris and I are hanging out up here so we can catch up. He goes to light a smoke, opens the window and leans out. This is making me nervous, so I turn away and try to tell him to come back in. Except that I can't. I'm suddenly unable to express words, and I sound like some sort of grunting protohuman with no verbal language. He takes this to mean that he should go out the window entirely and take a ladder up to the roof, which freaks me out more.

The landlady pulls up and parks. She's going to freak out. She does, and chases the party goers away and comes up to Chris and starts shouting at him in Portuguese. Chris, somehow, starts shouting back to her in Portuguese, she starts to chase him off too, and the only thing I can say is no. I'm trying to explain to her who he is. We get down to the road, and he drives off and she goes back into the house.

I smell something burning, like mulch on fire. Chris must have flicked his cigarette. I find an ember and spit on it to put it out, but the smell continues. I see more embers, so I spit on them too. This does not work. It makes the ember increase into a small puddle of lava. My curiosity is piqued and despite all logic telling me not to, I touch the lava, quickly. It's hot, so I pull my hand away before I'm injured. More lava bubbles up, and I step away. But now my hand is burning. I look down, and lava is spreading on my hand too. I start spitting on my hand to put it out, and rub my hand on my pants. This seems to work but now my leg is burning, and the lava is eating its way across my calf to the otherside. I freak out, thinking that I'm going to burn away, but that's not what's happening. Something different is going on. Something is changing in me. The lava disappears, my leg and hand are fine, but there is something different about me now.

I go inside, and my landlady starts hitting on me. I know now what has happened. My soul has burned away, and I am one of the Devil's agents. All will find me irresistible, because I need that in my arsenal to lead people astray. I tell my landlady to stay put, and I leave the room. And there stands the Devil. Good looking guy. Well dressed, young. Actually, you'd probably not know he was the Devil at first glance, unless you were one of the damned. He and I converse, all the while, I try to find a way to get myself out of this jam. I don't want to be a Satanist. Though, I suppose it settles whatever religious doubts I had prior to tonight. The thing is, I kinda like the Devil. He doesn't seem that bad. He's charming, and kinda funny. He does in fact seem very misunderstood. I find myself considering myself his friend. Time stopped having meaning at this point. In the space of a few mortal seconds, weeks had passed from my perspective. Demonic Standard Time, I suppose.

A remnant of my humanity manages reassert itself, and I start to chase him off. He finds it amusing and starts laughing. It's not a maniacal laugh or an evil laugh, but the laugh of a close friend thinking you're having a bit of fun. But it is working. He begins retreating. I muster up a bit of strength to begin a prayer. He's still finding this playful, and in that moment it seems like the Devil really doesn't fully understand who he is. He really does think this is all some sort of fun cosmic game. He's... childlike. The prayer gets caught, like how I forgot how to speak earlier. I switch to Hebrew, "baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu, Melech ha-Olam..." and the Devil turns into a pigeon. I'm human again. A shout, "Get outta here!" and stomp in a manner that would frighten a pigeon, and the Devil flew out the door.

I jump up to a start, realizing that I must have been asleep, but there's saliva on my pillow, like I had been spitting.
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

N E T

  • Turbo-Charged Marmoset of Inappropriate Public Displays of Horrid Affection
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 18531
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #65 on: June 06, 2014, 02:00:33 am »
Hey that reminds me! I still have that copy of Roger's comic if you have changed your mind about my offer.

It's just a pair of very official-looking certificates that you'd sign with an included calligraphy pen in blood of course, that's all.

I tell you what, if I resell your soul I'll even give you 23% of the proceeds.
“There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.” - M I C H E L   D E   M O N T A I G N E

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 260359
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #66 on: June 06, 2014, 02:05:07 am »
Hey that reminds me! I still have that copy of Roger's comic if you have changed your mind about my offer.

It's just a pair of very official-looking certificates that you'd sign with an included calligraphy pen in blood of course, that's all.

I tell you what, if I resell your soul I'll even give you 23% of the proceeds.

Does it have to be my blood?
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 260359
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #67 on: June 06, 2014, 05:09:11 am »
My subconscious seems to have a thing about Satan, incidentally. That probably bears reflection.
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 260359
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #68 on: June 06, 2014, 05:15:50 am »
Judging from my dreams, spaced though they are, toggling between sympathy (and maybe even admiration) and revulsion for a complex psychological symbol, that, due to its cultural (and sub-cultural, as both a former Catholic and a Metalhead) baggage is probably impossible to suss out completely.
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

N E T

  • Turbo-Charged Marmoset of Inappropriate Public Displays of Horrid Affection
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 18531
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #69 on: June 06, 2014, 07:25:00 am »
Hey that reminds me! I still have that copy of Roger's comic if you have changed your mind about my offer.

It's just a pair of very official-looking certificates that you'd sign with an included calligraphy pen in blood of course, that's all.

I tell you what, if I resell your soul I'll even give you 23% of the proceeds.

Does it have to be my blood?

Yes.

You'd probably want to let it dry and then iron it to sterilize it for the mail.

How about you get a 23% cut for every resale of your soul for perpetuity?
“There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.” - M I C H E L   D E   M O N T A I G N E

Nephew Twiddleton

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 260359
  • DEATH METAL ENGLISH
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #70 on: June 06, 2014, 07:33:16 am »
Hey that reminds me! I still have that copy of Roger's comic if you have changed your mind about my offer.

It's just a pair of very official-looking certificates that you'd sign with an included calligraphy pen in blood of course, that's all.

I tell you what, if I resell your soul I'll even give you 23% of the proceeds.

Does it have to be my blood?

Yes.

You'd probably want to let it dry and then iron it to sterilize it for the mail.

How about you get a 23% cut for every resale of your soul for perpetuity?

Lava?
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

N E T

  • Turbo-Charged Marmoset of Inappropriate Public Displays of Horrid Affection
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 18531
    • View Profile
Re: Half Asleep
« Reply #71 on: June 06, 2014, 07:50:52 am »
Hey that reminds me! I still have that copy of Roger's comic if you have changed your mind about my offer.

It's just a pair of very official-looking certificates that you'd sign with an included calligraphy pen in blood of course, that's all.

I tell you what, if I resell your soul I'll even give you 23% of the proceeds.

Does it have to be my blood?

Yes.

You'd probably want to let it dry and then iron it to sterilize it for the mail.

How about you get a 23% cut for every resale of your soul for perpetuity?

Lava?

I can custom design a lava motif into the certificate.

What's a little spooky though, is that I've always really liked pigeons for no particular reason...
“There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.” - M I C H E L   D E   M O N T A I G N E