FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

[Cramulus]

I CHALLENGE ALL OF YOU SIMPERING JIZZWIT FUCKS TO AN ORANGE EATING CONTEST

YOU'RE ALL ABOUT TO GET SCHOOLED, CRAMULUS STYLE

AT ABOUT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT I STAGGERED DOWNSTAIRS AND STARTED TRASH TALKING MY ROOM MATE. I WAS LIKE, "I BET I CAN EAT MORE ORANGES THAN YOU IN A DAY."

HE WAS LIKE, "ARE WE TALKING ABOUT EATING A SICKENING AMOUNT OF ORANGES FOR NO REASON AT ALL?"

I WAS LIKE, "HELL YES THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU FUCKING ASS TURBAN. I'M GOING TO EAT SO MANY ORANGES I'LL PISS TANG ALL OVER YOUR FUCKING GRAVE."

HE WAS LIKE "IT'S ON!!!!" AND I SHAT JIZZ EVERYWHERE LIKE THERE WAS A FIRE HOSE COMING OUT OF MY ASS AND THOROUGHLY SATISFYING YOUR MOTHER. SEXUALLY.

SO THIS MORNING ON THE WAY TO WORK I BOUGHT A BAG OF GODDAMN ORANGES. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU GIANT SPINNING TURDS WHO DOES NOT TAKE UP THE CHALLENGE IS GOING TO BE ENTERED INTO THE LEDGER OF PEOPLE WHOSE EYE SOCKETS I'M GOING TO ROMANCE WITH MY ELBOW WHILE I PLAY THE MEXICAN HAT DANCE ON YOUR LAME ASS FAIL BALLS.



IT'S ON

[Cramulus]

GUESS WHO ATE AN ORANGE ALREADY?

ME

GUESS WHOSE ASS IS GETTING BANGED BY TEN NASTY GORILLAS IN THE ORANGE EATING CONTEST?

ALL OF YUO

[Cramulus]

IN OTHER NEWS YOU BLOWGOATS ALL SUCK ASS

YOU COULDN'T EAT AN ORANGE IF YOU HAD A RUNNING START.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE JURASSIC AMOUNTS OF FAIL I EXPERIENCE EVERY DAY BY POSTING HERE, JUST BUCKLE YOUR SEAT BELT AND TAKE A SHIT

[Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ]

i tried this with bananas once... apparently bananas cause constipation

[Cramulus]

HO HO HO HOLD THE PHONE

I'M ABOUT TO FINISH MY SECOND ORANGE



ALL OF YOU CAN EAT A SHIT TACO FROM GUAM FOR ALL I CARE

YOU'RE LIKE THE TACO BELL OF PRANCING FROLICKING DICKS. IF I WANTED A SINGING PHALLUS WHO SPENDS ALL DAY WEINERING ABOUT AND SLATHERING A KEYBOARD WITH BALLS I'D ORDER A CHALUPA AND CALL THE POLICE

[Cramulus]

i tried this with bananas once... apparently bananas cause constipation

DID SOMEBODY SAY, HEY FRED, I'D REALLY LOVE TO HEAR YOU REAM ON AND ON LIKE YOU'RE CONDUCTING A SCIENTIFIC FILIBUSTER TO SEE IF YOU CAN REACH FATAL LEVELS OF FAIL? NO? THEN STUFF A BUTT PLUG IN YOUR MOUTH AND CRY YOURSELF A NEW ASSHOLE.

[Richter]

CRAM IT CRAM.

ORANGES?  MORE LIKE BORANGES!
YOU CAN MOUTH MOLEST ALL THE SCREMAING FRUIT YOU LIKE.  CRAM AS MANY OF THOSE YIELDING PATHIC LIE DOWN TO GET FUCKED FRANCE-STYLE PARADISE FRUITS AS YOU LIKE.  WON'T CHANGE A THING.  MY POOP IS STRONGEST.  I'VE TAKEN 3 DUMPS TODAY.  STONE COLD SOLID FUCKERS.  EVERY BIT OF PLANT MATTER FOR 3 FURLONGS HAS WITHERED, AND SMALL CHILDREN ARE SOBBING FOR NO REASON.

SIMPEL FACT:  YOUR ASS IS GONNA GET BLOWN OPEN LIKE PEELED SLICED MONKY SNACKS.  YOUR SPHINCTER IS GONNA REMIND PEOPLE OF A MERCATOR PROJECTION.  

[P3nT4gR4m]

ORANGES = FAGFOOD
CHILLIES OR GTFO!!!!!

[Cramulus]

DEAREST RICHTER

WHILE YOU MAY BE THE REIGNING CHAMPION OF TAKING NINE DUMPS FASTER THAN I CAN TAKE NINE DUMPS, THIS CONTEST IS ACTUALLY ABOUT CRAMMING YOURSELF SO FULL OF CITRUS THAT EVEN YUOR DISTENDED WRINKLY SPHINCTER CAN'T HANDLE IT. BUT I PROMISE YOU THIS, TURD QUEEN: I CAN EAT MORE ORANGES THAN YOU CAN SHIT IN A DAY.

DO YOU WANT TO STEP? THEN STEP RIGHT UP AND GET A GOOD SNIFF OF MY WINNING ASS BECAUSE IT'S THE LAST THING YOU'RE GOING TO SEE BEFORE YOU NADS ARE SURGICALLY ATTACHED TO YOUR NIPPLES AND THEN RIPPED OFF BY A TEAM OF IDIOTS SPECIALLY TRAINED IN BADLY FUCKING UP WHATEVER SURGICAL PROCEDURE I'VE CONCOCTED FOR YOUR LUMPY SMEGMA POOL OF A FACE. WE'VE BEEN MALPRACTICING ALL MORNING, DILL SMOKE.

YOURS,

CRAMULUS

[Suu]

I once did the Tropicana Run in less than 12 parsecs.

I've turned grapefruit into depth charges that have overturned motorboats in no wake zones to save the lives of Manatees.

I've played rugby with a goddamn papaya.

I have limed more Coronas from a tree in my front yard than Carter has liver pills.

I have shot kumquats into orbit using mortars on the Fourth of July.


SON, I AM THE PERSONIFICATION OF BACKYARD CITRUS UTILIZATION.


IT'S FUCKING ON!!!!! LIEK RED DAWN!

2 oranges down for breakfast, peeled by hand and everything, in 4 minutes and 6 seconds.

[bds]

WHAT THE FUCK I'VE FUCKING EATEN FIVE SHITTING ORANGES ALREADY TODAY AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE WRINKLY ORANGE LITTLE FUCKS HOLY SHITBALLS MY ENTIRE HOUSE IS COVERED IN PEELINGS AND FECAL MATTER WOW HOLY DICKS YOU'RE GOING DOWN IN A HUGE ORANGE FLAMING FUCKNUGGET BALL OF OWNED CRAM

I HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR "I FUCKING SUCK AND GOT PWND IN MY OWN ORANGE EATING COMPETITION" BADGE READY, CAUSE YOU'RE GUNNA NEED TO PIN IT TO YOUR BUTT ONCE I'M DONE WITH THIS SIXTH ORANGE


FUCKING SIX

[Cramulus]

SIX ORANGES ALREADY? I CALL BULLSHIT. BLOW MY ASS AND CALL ME QUEEN FUCK

[bds]

SIX ORANGES IN 45 MINUTES = ONE ORANGE PER 7.5 MINUTES


THAT'S FUCKING SLOW I COULD RUN A MILE QUICKER THAN THAT HOLY FUCK


FRUIT BOWL IS EMPTY NOW THOUGH, I BOW DOWN BEFORE THOSE WITH MORE CITRUS-EY FRUIT STORAGE AREAS

[Cramulus]

THREE ORANGES HAVE BEEN CONSUMED BY CRAMULUS, CHAMPION OF THE HUMAN RACE. AFTER THE FOURTH ORANGE I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO TO THE CORNER STORE AND PISTOL WHIP A BITCH. THE VITAMIN C IS TURNING MY BLOOD ORANGE LIKE A VULCAN.

[Suu]

If BDS really had 6 oranges, he's going to be peeing for the rest of the day and unable to continue. So fuck him.

3 oranges down here.