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Author Topic: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD  (Read 6686 times)

Cainad

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THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« on: June 30, 2010, 09:50:19 pm »
Fruit is fucking awesome. It's all growing on trees and shrubs and shit, and you can totally just leave a fruit-bearing plant in your backyard, never do any work (except the initial planting if you don't already have one), and BAM it'll give you a bunch of awesome fruit FOR FREE.

HOW COOL IS THAT?

If you're really hardcore, you can grow shit like cantaloupes and watermelon in a garden but that's work so screw that.



MANGOES FUCK YEAH

Eat these sweet bitches straight (gotta slice 'em up though 'cause the skin and seed are some nasty shit) or make a delicious-as-fuck mango chutney to smear all over your boring-ass chicken, and possibly you or your significant other's tits if you're into that.
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M. Nigel Salt

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2010, 10:09:25 pm »
Some of 'em are like WEEDS and once you have them they just spread everywhere, dumping delicious fruit ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. I just walked out of my house and BAM! Right in the middle of a raspberry patch. I just grabbed handfuls of those little fuckers off the bush and popped 'em right in my mouth until my belly was full.

Fucking raspberries:

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“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

Cainad

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2010, 10:12:56 pm »
Oh HELL yeah raspberries. Think I'm gonna pay whatever the hell they're charging for a tiny box of them at the store? Fuck no. Get 'em for free right off of mother nature's bountiful awesomeness.
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M. Nigel Salt

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2010, 10:18:23 pm »
Strawberries:



They grow on the motherfucking ground, like sweet little ninjas of fruity reproduction. These motherfuckers are so badass that they not only propagate by seed, but they also divide at the root, and not content with that, they ALSO send out runners to colonize nearby soil. These badass bitches would take over the world if they weren't stopped by force, and on top of that they have enlisted humankind to help them in their domination by tempting us with sweet, delicious fruit, which they will gladly produce great bounties of even in the poorest soil, with almost no maintenance (other than trying to keep them out of everywhere else in your garden).
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High Speed Proctoscope Pilot of Your Near and Painful Future.

“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

Suu

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2010, 10:35:59 pm »
Hey guise, wanna know what?

My parents have a papaya tree. MOTHERFUCKING PAPAYAS.



Ever see the fucking size of a papaya? HOLY FUCK they're like a GODDAMN rugby ball, FUCK!



And look at all those GODDAMN SEEDS. You can grow a whole GODDAMN orchard of fucking papayas with those fuckers! SHIT!

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M. Nigel Salt

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2010, 10:37:41 pm »
PAPAYAS!  :fap:
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High Speed Proctoscope Pilot of Your Near and Painful Future.

“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

Remington

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #6 on: June 30, 2010, 10:41:26 pm »
Holy motherfucking shit, Crabapple trees!



What's that, you say? You don't like crabapples?

Well FUCK YOU. This bitch puts out so many goddamn apples that you seriously don't know what to do with the motherfucking things. You'll choke to death on sour-tinged heaven, and this mean, green, botanical machine will still have enough to feed a fucking army.



You will nom, and you will fucking love it.
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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #7 on: June 30, 2010, 10:59:55 pm »
Quote from: Suu on June 30, 2010, 10:35:59 pm
Hey guise, wanna know what?

My parents have a papaya tree. MOTHERFUCKING PAPAYAS.



Ever see the fucking size of a papaya? HOLY FUCK they're like a GODDAMN rugby ball, FUCK!



And look at all those GODDAMN SEEDS. You can grow a whole GODDAMN orchard of fucking papayas with those fuckers! SHIT!



i AM SO GODDAMNED JEALOUS!

Papaya juice and spiced rum FTW!
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M. Nigel Salt

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #8 on: June 30, 2010, 11:02:29 pm »
TWO WORDS:

CRABAPPLE JELLY

FUCK YEAH!
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High Speed Proctoscope Pilot of Your Near and Painful Future.

“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

M. Nigel Salt

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2010, 11:05:11 pm »
GRAPES



YEAH THAT'S RIGHT IT'S A HUGE FUCKING PIC

BECAUSE LOOK AT THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS!

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PLANT 'EM, JUST THROW A STICK ON THE GROUND AND IN A COUPLE YEARS IT'S A 70-FOOT VINE CLIMBING TREES AND SHIT. AND THEN IN THE FALL THAT SONOFABITCH WILL PRODUCE A MILLION POUNDS OF UNCONTROLLABLE CLUSTERS OF FRUIT

YOU CAN MAKE WINE WITH THESE BITCHES, OR RAISINS, OR JELLY, OR JUST EAT 'EM FRESH OFF THE VINE LIKE GODDAMN VINE CANDY.
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High Speed Proctoscope Pilot of Your Near and Painful Future.

“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

Suu

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #10 on: June 30, 2010, 11:11:39 pm »
You see that white powdery shit?! THAT'S MOTHERFUCKING YEAST ON THOSE GRAPES!

WINE! NAO!
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Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun of Discordia, Bene Gesserit.
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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #11 on: June 30, 2010, 11:19:01 pm »
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M. Nigel Salt

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #12 on: June 30, 2010, 11:20:37 pm »
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High Speed Proctoscope Pilot of Your Near and Painful Future.

“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

M. Nigel Salt

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #13 on: June 30, 2010, 11:20:54 pm »
I am pretty sure I want to eat it, whatever the fuck it is.
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High Speed Proctoscope Pilot of Your Near and Painful Future.

“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

Richter

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Re: THE NIGEL AND CAINAD FRUIT APPRECIATION THREAD
« Reply #14 on: June 30, 2010, 11:40:32 pm »
Kumquats!
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