Author Topic: The Fearô  (Read 2920 times)

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The Fearô
« on: August 13, 2010, 06:29:49 pm »
The Fearô has a different face for everyone, but it is unmistakeable when it hits you. Something starts to creep in around the edges of your Trip, then takes it over, hits you like a steamroller, and leaves you in a place where everything is decaying, and the air has a different, greasy feel to it.

There is a lingering, all pervading smell, a little like an electrical fire, but as familiar as your own sweat. It instills a nagging feeling of extremely close danger, but never quite close enough to give you anything to work with. The quality of the light is all fucked up, the colours seem to be very flat, and thin, except for the blues, which seem to be alive and somehow have a livid violet blue/black harmonic that makes you think of the edges of a deep, badly infected wound.

You can't tell if the air is full of invisible, choking, smoke, and you feel the beginnings of a panic fluttering in your chest. You are suddenly struck by the idea that there is something very, very wrong. You stop what you are doing, and start a mental check to see if you are functioning properly. You are aware of every autonomous function, breathing, heartbeat, bloodflow, etc, and you feel as if you must somehow transfer the control to your foremind, because if you let them go back to automatic, you are likely to forget to keep them going, and die from a lazy heart, or forgetting you need to breath, and asphyxiating.

You take three or four really deep breathes in quick succesion anyway, just in case you had to, but this makes the blood rush in your ears, and your heart beat faster. Everything suddenly ramps up a notch or two. You feel, rather than hear a thundering noise in the distance, it beats like a huge, slow, deep drum, driving everything with a vast timeless beat.

The Panic in your chest gets bigger, and you feel it's fluttery fingers moving up to your throat now, the rushing in your ears is almost deafening and all your perception seems to be building, and building, trapped and looking for a way out, it feels like a tidal wave about to crash over through, and out of your head, all at the same time, (which, you notice as an afterthought, is no longer a constant, but rather ambiguous) Then the panic moves up, and across your face like a blush, and spreads around your head, you are aware of a tiny tiny little white spot, at the centre of everything.

Your bursting, panic stricken mind focuses on this aperture that suddenly unifies all creation, and the light gets bigger, and impossibly bright, just as the wave crashes over you, and it's suddenly like a thousand silent trumpets are blowing all at once, right next to your head, and the pain, and pressure is unbearable, and something has got to give in a moment, and you know that something's going to be you!

But you suddenly find some reserve of will, and start to fight it, with every drop of essence that is you. You seem to be getting away, for a second or two as well, and then whatever it was that you were, snaps away like an elastic band snaps, and you are aware of nothing but the light, no sound, or colour, or texture, just this Holocaust of light, so bright it shines right through you like a breeze cuts through the mist. Matter is suddenly gone. Does not matter, need not be.
You are a point of stillness, the fulcrum at which everything balances, and you feel an instant of relief, before The Fearô Finally hits you. Rolls over you like a wave of foul, gloopy caramel coloured  fnord  and you start to be afraid.
You thought you knew what Fear was, knew how to ride it until it dropped away to nothing much at all.

You realise that you were very wrong indeed.   This thing, The Fearô is going to ride you, consume you, digest you, and shit you out, like you were nothing! It will go on forever, and you have no hope at all of escaping it's icy clutch. You also know that deep down, you have always known this. And so it takes you.  scared

That's just the build up, but you start to get the idea. I wont elaborate any further, because of the spoilers,
but once it gets you, you will never ever be the same. Your life is bisected into two parts. Before, and After.

So now, just because you know The Fearô is there, don't let it put you off what can be a delightfully fun time. It doesn't get you every time, and it probably won't the first time. Some people never seem to get it at all.
But it doesn't pay to get complacent. It's there, it's real, and it will eventually make itself known to you. To all of us. Eventually. So good luck, and be sure to enjoy your Trip. Everything will be fine.  wink    Probably.   
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

Richter

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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2010, 07:05:38 pm »
:mittens:

I've always been convined The Fear has a more tangible, real grounding, as opposed to just being a quirk of the jaunt outside your usual reality tunnel.  Imagine being a a tall, slener watchtower.  A graceful filament wantage point of your own design.   Elegant and fragile, but pelasing for the view.  Then you look down and see the landslide tearing through town.  It's goign to fuck friends, neighbors, everythign you know and have.  Worse, you're on the goddam glass spire, and can't get town in tiem to avoid it, or warn anyone.  You are fucked, and you only know it now because you wanted to see thigns from a  bit higher up.  Welcoem to the Fear 
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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2010, 07:10:30 pm »
:mittens:

I've always been convined The Fear has a more tangible, real grounding, as opposed to just being a quirk of the jaunt outside your usual reality tunnel. 

If it's inspired by a jaunt outside of your reality tunnel, it's horror. 
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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2010, 02:34:50 am »
Ahhhh, so The Fear would be from more usual sources, things you recognize enough to be afraid of  (whether cognitively or instinctually)

(Aside, still not perfectly happy with the reality tunnel term, but can't think of anything better to express the idea.)
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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2010, 12:25:48 am »
I don't understand. The Fear is something intangible, unexplainable, unpredictable? Then what, exactly, is it?

I could list the things that persistently cause me great fear in my life, yet would these constitute The Fear, since apparently we cannot know what The Fear is or what causes it? The thing is, aside from the fears that I understand, I have no other fears.
Perhaps I just haven't gotten to that age yet, you think?
not quite there yet.

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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2010, 01:25:35 am »
I don't understand. The Fear is something intangible, unexplainable, unpredictable? Then what, exactly, is it?

I could list the things that persistently cause me great fear in my life, yet would these constitute The Fear, since apparently we cannot know what The Fear is or what causes it? The thing is, aside from the fears that I understand, I have no other fears.
Perhaps I just haven't gotten to that age yet, you think?

I'm guessing from my previous readings on horrorology, that Fear is just a reaction. For example, I am intensely Melissophobic, i.e., bees, and bee like species (if it flies and has a stinger, especially if it has yellow and black stripes), I go into this weird panic mode. It doesn't matter if I intellectually know that if I leave it alone, it's not going to bother me. My brain just tells me I need to kill it or it's going to come after me. Of course, that's the worst possible thing I can do, since any other bees in the area will smell me for a bee murderer and attack me, but it doesn't matter then.

The Horror comes in when my best friend, mom, or girlfriend, drugs me and puts me in an area where I'm surrounded by bees and there is no escape without passing an active bee hive. Why would any of them do that, since they know I hate bees with a crippling phobia?

I have the same thing with heights. Change the situation from me trying to go up a flight of stairs without any walls (this actually happened today. I didn't go up.) To suddenly finding myself there. Fear is me ignoring the fact that I am going up, suddenly look down and get vertigo. Horror is me going to sleep in my bed, and then finding myself in the Top of the Hub. (Restaurant in Boston, top floor of the Prudential building. No desire to go there.)

The Fear, you understand. The Horror is the intangible, unexplainable and unpredictable because you didn't see it coming. When you're there, you don't know how it happened. It was a curve ball. And you're just stuck. You have to face it because it has been presented to you, and you totally didn't see it coming.
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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2010, 01:36:47 am »
I don't understand. The Fear is something intangible, unexplainable, unpredictable? Then what, exactly, is it?

I could list the things that persistently cause me great fear in my life, yet would these constitute The Fear, since apparently we cannot know what The Fear is or what causes it? The thing is, aside from the fears that I understand, I have no other fears.
Perhaps I just haven't gotten to that age yet, you think?

I'm guessing from my previous readings on horrorology, that Fear is just a reaction. For example, I am intensely Melissophobic, i.e., bees, and bee like species (if it flies and has a stinger, especially if it has yellow and black stripes), I go into this weird panic mode. It doesn't matter if I intellectually know that if I leave it alone, it's not going to bother me. My brain just tells me I need to kill it or it's going to come after me. Of course, that's the worst possible thing I can do, since any other bees in the area will smell me for a bee murderer and attack me, but it doesn't matter then.

The Horror comes in when my best friend, mom, or girlfriend, drugs me and puts me in an area where I'm surrounded by bees and there is no escape without passing an active bee hive. Why would any of them do that, since they know I hate bees with a crippling phobia?

I have the same thing with heights. Change the situation from me trying to go up a flight of stairs without any walls (this actually happened today. I didn't go up.) To suddenly finding myself there. Fear is me ignoring the fact that I am going up, suddenly look down and get vertigo. Horror is me going to sleep in my bed, and then finding myself in the Top of the Hub. (Restaurant in Boston, top floor of the Prudential building. No desire to go there.)

The Fear, you understand. The Horror is the intangible, unexplainable and unpredictable because you didn't see it coming. When you're there, you don't know how it happened. It was a curve ball. And you're just stuck. You have to face it because it has been presented to you, and you totally didn't see it coming.

Thanks. I understand it now somewhat.

What you've cited seems to be examples of fear, more specifically phobias, but is it The FearTM being discussed? I was under the impression that The Fear was something less subjective, more objective, and with a conspiratory feel, kind of like The MachineTM.
Or I'm just overreacting to the superscript.
not quite there yet.

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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2010, 01:49:11 am »
I don't understand. The Fear is something intangible, unexplainable, unpredictable? Then what, exactly, is it?

I could list the things that persistently cause me great fear in my life, yet would these constitute The Fear, since apparently we cannot know what The Fear is or what causes it? The thing is, aside from the fears that I understand, I have no other fears.
Perhaps I just haven't gotten to that age yet, you think?

I'm guessing from my previous readings on horrorology, that Fear is just a reaction. For example, I am intensely Melissophobic, i.e., bees, and bee like species (if it flies and has a stinger, especially if it has yellow and black stripes), I go into this weird panic mode. It doesn't matter if I intellectually know that if I leave it alone, it's not going to bother me. My brain just tells me I need to kill it or it's going to come after me. Of course, that's the worst possible thing I can do, since any other bees in the area will smell me for a bee murderer and attack me, but it doesn't matter then.

The Horror comes in when my best friend, mom, or girlfriend, drugs me and puts me in an area where I'm surrounded by bees and there is no escape without passing an active bee hive. Why would any of them do that, since they know I hate bees with a crippling phobia?

I have the same thing with heights. Change the situation from me trying to go up a flight of stairs without any walls (this actually happened today. I didn't go up.) To suddenly finding myself there. Fear is me ignoring the fact that I am going up, suddenly look down and get vertigo. Horror is me going to sleep in my bed, and then finding myself in the Top of the Hub. (Restaurant in Boston, top floor of the Prudential building. No desire to go there.)

The Fear, you understand. The Horror is the intangible, unexplainable and unpredictable because you didn't see it coming. When you're there, you don't know how it happened. It was a curve ball. And you're just stuck. You have to face it because it has been presented to you, and you totally didn't see it coming.

Thanks. I understand it now somewhat.

What you've cited seems to be examples of fear, more specifically phobias, but is it The FearTM being discussed? I was under the impression that The Fear was something less subjective, more objective, and with a conspiratory feel, kind of like The MachineTM.
Or I'm just overreacting to the superscript.

The Fear is always a subjective experience. I will always fear bees and heights (My fear of heights is very complicated, as is, also my fear of blood. I have 4 phobias, and they are all irrational, as a phobia should be). The Horror, I am guessing, is PARTIALLY subjective and PARTIALLY objective. You can feel the Horror at something that is specific to your instinctual subjective fears, but you can also feel horror towards learned, objective, societal fears.

For example, if Islamic terrorists set off a dirty bomb in the MBTA that would be an objective societal Horror. Reason being, I know a couple of Muslims and have a positive view of them, as well as the fact that Boston is not a particularly stong target for terrorism, and I rely on the MBTA for my transportation. I wouldn't see it coming. I have a positive outlook on Muslims, from a safe place that Islamic terrorists should not really have any interest in. It would shake up not only my view of Muslims, but also of my city as a relatively safe place.

Compare that to me being mugged in my girlfriend's neighborhood. It's Fear and Loathing, but not unexpected or inexplicable. It's Dorchester bordering Mattapan. I know the risks if I go down the wrong street.
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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2010, 02:06:56 am »
Yup, I see why fears would be subjective while horror is partially objective. Simply put, only horror has to do with one's worldview, and one's worldview is directly connected to and affected by the society which one lives in. Fear, on the other hand, is more instinct than acquired. Am I right?

Although the question I was asking was this: What is the difference between fears and The FearTM? Is there a difference, or is the latter just a collective term for the former?
Sorry if I wasn't clear enough before.
not quite there yet.

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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #9 on: August 16, 2010, 02:11:35 am »
Yup, I see why fears would be subjective while horror is partially objective. Simply put, only horror has to do with one's worldview, and one's worldview is directly connected to and affected by the society which one lives in. Fear, on the other hand, is more instinct than acquired. Am I right?

Although the question I was asking was this: What is the difference between fears and The FearTM? Is there a difference, or is the latter just a collective term for the former?
Sorry if I wasn't clear enough before.

Fear is "I am afraid, and it makes sense that I am afraid"
Horror is "I am afraid, and I don't know what the hell how this happened"
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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #10 on: August 16, 2010, 02:36:06 am »
But your phobia of Bees is not totally irrational. Bees can be extremely dangerous. The yellow and black stripes have evolved to mean "Danger" on an instinctive, reflexive level that you have no intellectual control over. Every mammalian species recognises the yellow/black combination as a warning not to get too close. Your Human need to intellectualise and quantify the fear you feel, creates a neurotic loop that you have no ability to sublimate. This  amplifies the danger to a disproportionate magnitude, whenever this neurotic loop finds a recognisable focus. (A Bee)

The same with a fear of heights. To fall anything more than 30ft carries a very real danger of death. Combine this with the dizzying sensation of vertigo (To which we are all susceptable), and any imprint of fear felt when exposed to heights, will be amplified. Even if there is no sense of vertigo upon subsequent exposure to heights, the mind has already imprinted the ramped up level of fear experienced on the first occasion. Associative reinforcement occurs each time this  fear is manifested. So neither of these phobias are completely irrational.

In fact, you could do some visualisation excercises, where you imagine being stood at the edge of a cliff. Just as you are about to topple over, a swarm of bees surround you, and grab you with their little legs, and float you gently down to the ground. Both Phobias get disempowered. Repeat as necessary. (Just a thought)

The Horror comes in when my best friend, mom, or girlfriend, drugs me and puts me in an area where I'm surrounded by bees and there is no escape without passing an active bee hive. Why would any of them do that, since they know I hate bees with a crippling phobia?
The Horror comes before the fear arrives. The knowledge that the fear will arrive, and you will be helpless, is compounded by the break in your faith and trust of the people who put you there. Why would they do that? WHY? The Earth shattering realisation that everything you knew about these people, was obviously wrong, starts a domino effect with everything else you thought you knew about the World. As these dominos fall, the Horror increases exponentially. Just knowing the fear is likely to materialise at any moment, compounds the Horror to a degree that even when the fear arrives, it is so tied into the Horror felt at the realisation you have been betrayed, that both horror and fear are all that you know. Minds can fragment irretrievably at this kind of shit. So always suspect those around you of plotting your demise, however unlikely it seems. Low level paranoia is preferrable to the alternative of Lovecraftian realisation, that you are in an existance over which you suddenly have no power at all. And danger approaches on buzzing wings to devour you.

Hope this puts your mind at rest.   :mad:
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #11 on: August 16, 2010, 02:49:37 am »
In fact, you could do some visualisation excercises, where you imagine being stood at the edge of a cliff. Just as you are about to topple over, a swarm of bees surround you, and grab you with their little legs, and float you gently down to the ground. Both Phobias get disempowered. Repeat as necessary. (Just a thought)
While I will try this visualization, it might not work very well. I've recently discovered that my fear of bees is more intense. I was out for a smoke on a porch, far enough away from the edge not to bother me. A bee came by, and my first instinct was to jump onto the ground to avoid it. Weird, huh? I would have survived the fall, but it would have sucked, and I'd be just as afraid going down, but then I would have no control over the situation.

The Horror comes in when my best friend, mom, or girlfriend, drugs me and puts me in an area where I'm surrounded by bees and there is no escape without passing an active bee hive. Why would any of them do that, since they know I hate bees with a crippling phobia?
Quote
The Horror comes before the fear arrives. The knowledge that the fear will arrive, and you will be helpless, is compounded by the break in your faith and trust of the people who put you there. Why would they do that? WHY? The Earth shattering realisation that everything you knew about these people, was obviously wrong, starts a domino effect with everything else you thought you knew about the World. As these dominos fall, the Horror increases exponentially. Just knowing the fear is likely to materialise at any moment, compounds the Horror to a degree that even when the fear arrives, it is so tied into the Horror felt at the realisation you have been betrayed, that both horror and fear are all that you know. Minds can fragment irretrievably at this kind of shit. So always suspect those around you of plotting your demise, however unlikely it seems. Low level paranoia is preferrable to the alternative of Lovecraftian realisation, that you are in an existance over which you suddenly have no power at all. And danger approaches on buzzing wings to devour you.

Hope this puts your mind at rest.   :mad:
So Horror has to do, in part, with dread... Knowing that you're about to be in a situation that will cause Fear and Loathing?
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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #12 on: August 16, 2010, 03:39:24 am »
Fear and loathing can both be constituent parts of Horror, as can dread, shame, or truth. But Horror can sustain itself without any other parts. Horror is the bucket all those other things can slosh around in. Tip those other things away, and the empty bucket is still Horror.
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #13 on: August 16, 2010, 03:43:43 am »
Fear and loathing can both be constituent parts of Horror, as can dread, shame, or truth. But Horror can sustain itself without any other parts. Horror is the bucket all those other things can slosh around in. Tip those other things away, and the empty bucket is still Horror.

I think I get it now. Thanks BB
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Re: The Fearô
« Reply #14 on: August 16, 2010, 03:59:34 am »
Fear and loathing can both be constituent parts of Horror, as can dread, shame, or truth. But Horror can sustain itself without any other parts. Horror is the bucket all those other things can slosh around in. Tip those other things away, and the empty bucket is still Horror.

I think I get it now. Thanks BB
No problem. Now, let's go and drop a shitload of acid.  :hippie:
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4