It occurred to me yesterday, while I was bellowing gibberish into Alphapance's voicemail, that most of Tucson is a bad country song. It's like someone took Nashville and drained out all the George Strait and the Johnny Cash, and all that's left is wreckage and Taylor Swift.
Sure, you can still find a little Hank, if you know how and where to look, but most of The City is made out of plastic, and tries unsuccessfully to project an image of youth, vivacity, and energy...Just like Taylor Swift.
It's bad pop, and it's what's driving us all to substance abuse.
Even the pervert shops have failed us. Hydra, once a premier leather shop for degenerates, is now Hot Topic for 40 year olds. It's a shame and a disgrace, and results in the rest of us having to watch some 40-something woman trying to dress like Miley Cyrus...And nobody wants to see that.
We're basically down to three remaining centers of serious brain damage: The Meetrack (which has mended it's ways, and gotten back off the straight and narrow), The Venture Inn (which has always laughed at anyone who isn't 50+ years old and FABULOUS!), and the Bashful Bandit (A biker bar where you get stomped for NOT puking on the dance floor).
Notice a pattern here? They're all bars. To get your weird on in Tucson, it has become necessary to smash your brain flat with shitty booze, or at least to hang out with people who have. Everyone else is either dead on their feet from the sun, or so damned CHEERFUL that you have to physically restrain yourself from knocking their perfect white teeth out.
Bad country music, that's what it is. There's no appreciation for misery and failure and heartache, even though that is the foundation this city is built on (Well, besides a bunch of Apache bones.). No, it's all Cheerful™ and Young™ and/or Angsty™. If Roy Orbison were alive today, this shit would kill him.
We can't get by on this. We can't breathe this thin air, this horrible fucking slop that has replaced Filthy Joe's Porn Emporium with yet another shitty head shop on 4th Avenue. No, we are fucking SUPERIOR MUTANTS, and we need MORE. We will GET more, even if it means choking it out of the whey-faced "Good People" of Tucson.
Hank would have wanted it that way.