Author Topic: #'s on the Teaparty  (Read 6278 times)

Don Coyote

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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #60 on: October 16, 2010, 01:28:20 am »
But Tony Blair is genetically programmed to be subservient to the American President.

If Tony Blair WAS the American President, it would be like the whole world divided by zero.
And I wasted beer because of that. :lulz:

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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #61 on: October 16, 2010, 12:52:37 pm »
he has my support

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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #62 on: October 16, 2010, 08:23:36 pm »
 :horrormirth:

I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.

HERE IS MY PLATFORM:
 
(1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can.
 
(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to  straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports.
We will use the 'Wal-Mart's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'
 
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.
 
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
 
(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state.  If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.


(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.
 
(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.
 
(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences.  If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
 
(9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
 
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.
 
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.
 
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.
 
Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get.  Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.
                 God Bless America !!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  Bill Cosby!!!!!!!!

Sir Fronkensteen, The Hawk

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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #63 on: October 16, 2010, 08:39:08 pm »
:horrormirth:

I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.

HERE IS MY PLATFORM:
 
(1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can.
 
(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to  straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports.
We will use the 'Wal-Mart's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'
 
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.
 
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
 
(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state.  If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.


(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.
 
(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.
 
(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences.  If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
 
(9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
 
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.
 
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.
 
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.
 
Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get.  Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.
                 God Bless America !!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  Bill Cosby!!!!!!!!

:mittens:

1, 5, 6 and 9 are my favorites

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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #64 on: October 16, 2010, 08:44:24 pm »
Circulating online, a 'presidential platform' attributed to purported write-in candidate Bill Cosby. (Yes, that Bill Cosby.)

Description: Email joke / Hoax
Circulating since: July 2008
Status: Falsely attributed to Bill Cosby

http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/billcosby/a/cosby_write_in.htm

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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #65 on: October 16, 2010, 08:47:27 pm »
Please, please tell me that's satire. You lost me at #1. The US doesn't have an official language, so first you'd have to pass that bill. It's been tried, but it turns out that most Americans aren't actually clinging that tightly to xenophobic ignorance, thank all that's holy. I could dismantle every other point on the list, but it would take more time than I have right now.

The rest is a Tea Partier's wet dream.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #66 on: October 16, 2010, 08:47:58 pm »
Circulating online, a 'presidential platform' attributed to purported write-in candidate Bill Cosby. (Yes, that Bill Cosby.)

Description: Email joke / Hoax
Circulating since: July 2008
Status: Falsely attributed to Bill Cosby

http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/billcosby/a/cosby_write_in.htm

OH THANK GOD. For a minute I was completely frightened.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #67 on: October 16, 2010, 08:50:40 pm »
 :lulz:

Kai

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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #68 on: October 16, 2010, 09:01:17 pm »
The only problem I see is whether or not those are percentages of population, or percentages of people who actually vote; and it appears that Tea Party members are more likely to vote.

The average percentage of eligible voters who actually cast a ballot during midterm elections is about 37%. Now, the math on this makes my head hurt, so I'm going to make a rough example:

100 eligible voters, with 10 tea partiers.
Only 30 people vote, but that contains all 10 teabaggers, leaving 20 non-bags.
As typical, the non-baggers are roughly equal, so 10 vote D, 10 vote R.
Whichever way the baggers vote, wins the election.


It's a goddamn bayesian reasoning problem.  :horrormirth:
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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #69 on: October 16, 2010, 09:36:12 pm »
Circulating online, a 'presidential platform' attributed to purported write-in candidate Bill Cosby. (Yes, that Bill Cosby.)

Description: Email joke / Hoax
Circulating since: July 2008
Status: Falsely attributed to Bill Cosby

http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/billcosby/a/cosby_write_in.htm

OH THANK GOD. For a minute I was completely frightened.

Yeah, it took me about 3 seconds of reading that to start frothing rabidly. But I already hate Bill Cosby so I guess it's OK.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

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Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #70 on: October 16, 2010, 11:54:22 pm »
 :lulz:

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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #71 on: October 17, 2010, 01:02:44 am »
HUH,

          i like that whole thing.
"a good fight justifies any cause"

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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #72 on: October 17, 2010, 01:15:08 am »
HUH,

          i like that whole thing.

OK

         #'s 1, 6 & 9 aren't important to me. the rest i like. #8 with a little fine tuning and #4 i would change to 'active', because i'd cold turkey the world and actually bring all troops back to the u.s. from everywhere. except antarctica.
"a good fight justifies any cause"

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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #73 on: October 17, 2010, 01:51:19 am »
HUH,

          i like that whole thing.

Yes, but you're a philosophy major, which means you don't really understand politics.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: #'s on the Teaparty
« Reply #74 on: October 17, 2010, 01:56:20 am »
No imports or exports for a year?  That's a brilliant idea.  Because, you see, the US Strategic Oil Reserve stands at 724 million barrels.  Which sounds a lot, but is only 34 days worth of oil at current consumption levels. 

PURE.  ECONOMIC.  GENIUS.