Author Topic: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion  (Read 3661 times)

Jasper

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #15 on: November 19, 2010, 03:25:48 am »
More on Microreligion 548203.

They have it that all things exist even when unobserved, because everything has SOME kind of abstruse comedy value to someone.  If it doesn't, something funny happens to it.  Unfunny things only exist for this reason.

Their deity is unnamed, and unpersonified except occasionally as a rubber chicken.  Reality only came into existence because it was funnier that way.  

Cuddlefish

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #16 on: November 19, 2010, 07:51:34 am »
As a thought experiment, I love this. Anything that can give your thought process a little bit of elasticity is a good thing.

In terms of religion, as it's generally understood and perceived, it's all anthropomorphism and projection. So let's just skip the middleman, and worship humankind.
A fisher of men, or a manner of fish?

Richter

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #17 on: November 19, 2010, 01:14:26 pm »
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion

Richter, this is perfect.

There's already iconography for this, no? am i remembering suu making a t-shirt for this? do you have any related images you can post?

Sure thing.  I've got one of the shirts somewhere IRL too. 

OLoPC has MERCH too.  This cunning MERCH has been made by Suu and is branded as a product of OLoPC. 
Her imagery for the T-shirts inspired the whole "Virgin Mary but not REALLY Virgin Mary" tie in, as well as "Watch out for new religions Day"

(Which was a wake-up call for me to be careful when bandying about clever religion names.)
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Sister Fracture

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #18 on: November 19, 2010, 11:05:49 pm »
Okay, I didn't want to post in here until I had something good, so here's the Religion of Tucson's Creation Myth.

The Creation Myth

There is a reason Tucson is a horrible place. The land itself is sentient. It is angry. It hates us all.

The land beneath Tucson was once beneath a great sea. And it slept deeply in the cool and the dark. The seas receded, and the land's dreams became broken. The sun beat down, and the land grew fitful. The wind blew across it, and the land's surface became dry. The Heat came, and the land awoke.

It was angry, for it wanted to return to the quiet and constant night it once had. New kinds of life sprung into being, and the land became angrier still. When man came to build his cities, the land was wrathful, and drove him to insanity, but man would not – could not – leave. The land wanted man to pay for the scars he had put upon it, and would not allow him to leave. It wanted him to pay.

It took his dreams and broke them, as its own dreams were once broken. It took his will and crushed it. It dangled escape in front of him, only to snatch it away at the last second. And man became lost, there in the desert, though he did not realize it. And it gave the land grim satisfaction to cause man great suffering. And man multiplied, and the land became more enraged and more delighted, had more lives to destroy.

It still yearns for sleep, the land. Until then it will take we who remain and play with us as the dog plays with the rat – shredding us to bits, leaving us when there is nothing left of us. The land is angry. It is joyful. It hates us all.


Roaring Berserkery Bunny of the North End™

A Tucsonite is like a Christian in several important ways.  For one thing, they believe what they say about their god in the most literal, straightfaced way possible.  For another, they both know their god can hear them.  The difference between the two, however, is quite vast in terms of their relationship with their god; Christians believe in His benevolence, but Tucsonites KNOW of The City's spite and hate.

Sister Fracture

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #19 on: November 19, 2010, 11:15:26 pm »
Holy days:

April - October: "Holy Hell, it's hot" day.
(more to come)

Holy(ier) places:

The Shrine of the Black Madonna, located somewhere near TCC, shown to us by Eater of Souls
The Meetrack, located at 210 W Drachmann
The Wall, located on _______ (got to check)
(more to come)
Roaring Berserkery Bunny of the North End™

A Tucsonite is like a Christian in several important ways.  For one thing, they believe what they say about their god in the most literal, straightfaced way possible.  For another, they both know their god can hear them.  The difference between the two, however, is quite vast in terms of their relationship with their god; Christians believe in His benevolence, but Tucsonites KNOW of The City's spite and hate.

Herbertina Merrique V

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #20 on: November 20, 2010, 10:59:55 am »
Okay, so this isn't really a religion as much as SRS SCIENCE, but it's called RETARDED DESIGN.

We've all heard the theories of intelligent design, and how irreducable complexity obviously shows us how blah blah blah whatever, and therefore, God.
This is of course entirely plausible, and the proponents of Retarded Design fully believe the Universe and life is too complex to have developed without a creator. However, why should we automatically assume the Designer is intelligent, before we have carefully observed their work to draw our conclusions?

Let's take a look around.

Okay so there are plants and trees and butterflies, with their fine-tuned cellular, um, things and stuff, all magnificent manifestations of a wonderfully precise design and I UM THERE ARE MONKEYS IN BURMA WHO SNEEZE EVERY TIME IT RAINS BECAUSE THEY GET WATER IN THEIR NOSE OR SOMETHING WHAT THE HELL IT'S A FUCKING RAINFOREST IT RAINS LIKE ALL THE TIME
And the immune system, an incredibly adaptive mechanism which WAIT I'M DESTROYING MY OWN PLATELETS BECAUSE MY BODY MISTAKES THEM FOR VIRUSES? THANKS A LOT FOR THE ITP, GOD OR WHATEVER, OKAY GOTTA GO AND BUY A FEW THOUSAND TONS OF PREDNISONE I GUESS
And just think about the entire Universe. An endless ocean of darkness, sprinkled with infinite amounts of stars and planets - oh, the possibilities! What wonders could we encounter if only YEAH IF ONLY THE OTHER SOLAR SYSTEMS WEREN'T IMPOSSIBLE TO EVER REACH BECAUSE OF AN ASSLOAD OF LIGHTYEARS BETWEEN US AND THEM AND WE CAN'T EVEN ACCELERATE TO THE SPEED OF LIGHT? SERIOUSLY, PISS OFF

So there are two options: either all of this has a perfectly valid reason, but we aren't supposed to understand it because the Designer's plans are too complicated for us, or the Designer is a complete moron who obviously has no idea how things work. We at the Super-Scientific Church of Retarded Design have decided to go for the latter.



                       O HAI GOD CURE FOR CANCER PLZ
                                                 /


                                              SRY GOTTA GO MAKE MONKEYS SNEEZE
                                                                           \


Solves the problem of evil, too. It's okay, Job! All your servants and children died and you lost all of your fortunes, but God can't really be held accountable for that. He's, um, special.
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Placid Dingo

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #21 on: November 20, 2010, 11:06:02 am »
Bravo Herbertina! I lol'd. :mittens:
If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

Jasper

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #22 on: November 20, 2010, 07:31:34 pm »
I love it!  Much more satisfying than maltheism!  :lulz:

The Right Reverend Nigel

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #23 on: November 20, 2010, 08:16:38 pm »
Okay, so this isn't really a religion as much as SRS SCIENCE, but it's called RETARDED DESIGN.

We've all heard the theories of intelligent design, and how irreducable complexity obviously shows us how blah blah blah whatever, and therefore, God.
This is of course entirely plausible, and the proponents of Retarded Design fully believe the Universe and life is too complex to have developed without a creator. However, why should we automatically assume the Designer is intelligent, before we have carefully observed their work to draw our conclusions?

Let's take a look around.

Okay so there are plants and trees and butterflies, with their fine-tuned cellular, um, things and stuff, all magnificent manifestations of a wonderfully precise design and I UM THERE ARE MONKEYS IN BURMA WHO SNEEZE EVERY TIME IT RAINS BECAUSE THEY GET WATER IN THEIR NOSE OR SOMETHING WHAT THE HELL IT'S A FUCKING RAINFOREST IT RAINS LIKE ALL THE TIME
And the immune system, an incredibly adaptive mechanism which WAIT I'M DESTROYING MY OWN PLATELETS BECAUSE MY BODY MISTAKES THEM FOR VIRUSES? THANKS A LOT FOR THE ITP, GOD OR WHATEVER, OKAY GOTTA GO AND BUY A FEW THOUSAND TONS OF PREDNISONE I GUESS
And just think about the entire Universe. An endless ocean of darkness, sprinkled with infinite amounts of stars and planets - oh, the possibilities! What wonders could we encounter if only YEAH IF ONLY THE OTHER SOLAR SYSTEMS WEREN'T IMPOSSIBLE TO EVER REACH BECAUSE OF AN ASSLOAD OF LIGHTYEARS BETWEEN US AND THEM AND WE CAN'T EVEN ACCELERATE TO THE SPEED OF LIGHT? SERIOUSLY, PISS OFF

So there are two options: either all of this has a perfectly valid reason, but we aren't supposed to understand it because the Designer's plans are too complicated for us, or the Designer is a complete moron who obviously has no idea how things work. We at the Super-Scientific Church of Retarded Design have decided to go for the latter.



                       O HAI GOD CURE FOR CANCER PLZ
                                                 /


                                              SRY GOTTA GO MAKE MONKEYS SNEEZE
                                                                           \


Solves the problem of evil, too. It's okay, Job! All your servants and children died and you lost all of your fortunes, but God can't really be held accountable for that. He's, um, special.

Oh my god I love this!
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

Cramulus

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #24 on: November 23, 2010, 06:23:50 pm »
from http://masksoferis.wordpress.com/2010/11/20/a-message-from-loki/


This message is brought to you through the Universal Divine All-Trickster Exchange (UDATE), which does not exist, yet.

* * *

Have you considered the Norse God Loki as your personal deity of choice? If yes, then jolly well, mead at the usual time and place, and sagas and sodomy and strap-onnery afterwards; otherwise, read on.

Loki has had a bad rap; we know. You no doubt know him as a trickster, a murderer, one that manipulates and leads people and gods alike astray. We don’t deny any of that; we merely ask you to consider this — what is so bad in all that, actually?

Loki is a trickster, a liar, a leader-to-astray; why should this concern you? None are as misguided as those that are certain; none so lost as those who know beyond all doubt and question they have the right. This is why Loki is hated; for those that hate him know by experience that one needs to mislead before one can lead, but after the second comes, the first should really be carefully forgotten. Loki is the reminder, the mocking laughter carried on the winds of change. He is he who rips cloaks aside to reveal bent dwarfs beneath the kingly silk, bearded and one-eyed and lame; he is he who wipes clean the huff-clouded mirrors of a fevered soul, of a warrior-fool of hammering blood; though woe spreads in his wake, he carries none within.

If you have ever laughed in mockery, Loki has you; if you have ever admired a quick wit that lowers the strong arm and deflates the proud snarl, Loki has you.

If you are a sour prune, Loki spits you out; but if a crooked smile ever crept up your face, Loki has you.

Have thee then some Loki for yourself in exchange.

And yet, Loki does not beg for followers. He does not hold a booth open at the Theist Fair; not even at the Dark Theist Fair, which is hardly fair at all. He is the god of corners, the god of hidden rooms; he is the god of forest-whispers, the god met on the twisting path through the wood. He is the god met in disguise; the shape shifter and the sex changer, the liar-in-shapes as he is the liar-in-words; he is the god that came down as all the others stayed up building heavens and hells. (Or million-mile Rainbow Bridges and halls for a million drunken Norsemen; gods just have no eye for the subtle and understated.)

For this reason lesser gods have called Loki a Satan, a devil; an enemy of the people; this is a most hurtful truth. Though the bent little monks that gave the name did not know this, the word ha-Satan means nothing but “the Accuser” — and to any would-be tyrant all accusers and nonconformists are Satans in the later sense of the word. As the Norse gods had reacted to Loki with spittle and shaken hammers, so the Christian God of self-flagellating Constantinople and Rome called him evil for standing outside his crown-system of good and evil. And yet Loki has no hooves, no horns; no, he is a god in golden and green finery, glorious and beautiful, and his horns are merely those golden spikes that adorn his helm. Though he accuses, he does not judge; though he accepts worship, he does not demand it; though he tackles, he does not kick the one that is down — in this all he differs from Odin the All-Tedious, “Big Hammer” Thor, “Sonny” Jesus and all the later tyrants and would-be lords.

Follow Loki, dear reader, for this is his promise: “I will not be your light, nor your darkness. I will not save you, nor condemn you. One day I will be behind you; I will laugh with you, and I will laugh at you. I will make and destroy; I will be your eye, and the object of your seeing; all sights but blindness I will give to you before the end. And when on the beach of life that other set of tracks goes away, I will be gone to get some mead for you. I am Loki, Farbauti’s son, wildfire son of lightning-bolt, god and giant, liar murderer and thief, and the most honest god you will ever meet.”

Cramulus

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #25 on: November 24, 2010, 03:44:22 am »
to be expanded:

The Sitcom Cult

Sitcom characters are the true vessels of the collective unconscious. The solutions to all of life's problems may be found by channeling the wisdom of sitcom characters.




The Full House is a metaphor for the self. Danny Tanner contains the ego, superego, and id (often manifested as his evil alter ego "Manny" Tanner). Joey and Jessie represent the twin cultural influences of humor and coolness. And DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle, the three children, embody the archetypal first, middle, and youngest child personalities as well as the maiden mother and crone. The show explores various mythological dramas and parables framed in the theater of american suburban life in the 90s.

Cramulus

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #26 on: November 24, 2010, 03:46:01 am »

Cramulus

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #27 on: November 24, 2010, 03:51:27 am »
Cat Worship

Cats are divine vessels which must be worshiped and adored by humans. To be in the good graces of a cat is the most holy and enlightened of states. Cat worship is at least 5000 years old.


http://www.pictures-of-cats.org/cat-worship.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_worship#Cats

The Wizard

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #28 on: November 24, 2010, 04:03:36 am »
Mercenary Agnosticism

Selling your prayers to the highest bidder.

Just a basic thought. Will try to think up something a bit more substantial later.
Insanity we trust.

Cramulus

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Re: GASM: Invent Your Own Microreligion
« Reply #29 on: November 24, 2010, 04:45:59 am »
(note: scroll down a few posts for an updated version of this intro)


Introduction



Dear Explorer:

Religious Freedom is our greatest right. You've been sitting by the sidelines watching as other people act like maniacs in the name of something that probably isn't true. And doesn't it look they're having a blast? Why let them have all the fun?

We live in a postmodern world, one dominated by multiple narratives. Many of these greater narratives - such as science, religion, and orthodox consumerism - are internally consistent, self-reinforcing, and mutually exclusive. Most individuals operate under the jurisdiction of a reality tunnel, a set of beliefs and attitudes which filter incoming information to create a coherent worldview. But why limit oneself to a single reality tunnel? We purport to offer you a glimpse at both madness and enlightenment. This book will guide you through an experiment in belief that will leave you simultaneously bewildered and fascinated. You won't know what's to believe, AND YOU'LL LOVE IT.

Every few days, roll on the Religion Randomizer to pick a new reality tunnel. Read the entry for that tunnel and imagine that it is true. And not just true, but the best description of the universe -- with powerful implications for how you should behave on a day to day, minute to minute basis.

Our advice is to select a focus: an object, symbol, mantra, alarm, or other reminder of your new short-term world view. At least five times per day, meditate on your focus and get back into the headspace in which your new religion is True. Embrace it. Wallow in it. Think derivative thoughts. Let it steer your actions. Enjoy it while it lasts. In a few days, you'll roll again and you'll be somebody new.


We have the freedom to believe things that are completely wrong. I say don't just think about it! Try it out, see how it feels, cast it aside later.
« Last Edit: November 24, 2010, 02:31:50 pm by Cramulus »