The Devil's Discordian Dictionary (Not for comments, only for definitions)

[The Good Reverend Roger]

1.  Slack^TM: (Noun, not a fucking verb, unless you spend all Goddamned day in front of the tube, eating Cheetohs and watching the Goddamn Dukes of Hazard)  Slack is best described as "the art of enjoying the ride".  Most Discordians and Subgenii fall into one of two catagories: Rewardians and Emergentiles.

A Rewardian expects his free lunch, and will kill a motherfucker if it isn't forthcoming.  The universe OWES him, and he's damn well prepared to collect.  Couch surfing, video games, television, etc, are the favored sports of Rewardians, and if you wonder who stole your drugs, look no further.  Most Rewardians would starve to death, if not for Emergentiles (see below).

An Emergentile is one who thrives on, well, emergencies.  They are crisis junkies, and aren't happy unless they're busier than Chris Brown at a wife-beating contest.  If Rewardians would be compared to hippies (I dare you), then Emergentiles would be the Diggers (Google it, kid).

Neither Rewardians nor Emergentiles have title to "true" SlackTM, and both have different ways of falling into False Slack (doing what you THINK you're supposed to enjoy, or what they TOLD you you're supposed to enjoy, but don't).

In short, having SlackTM is to be in a state of happiness (see below).  This is impossible for common Homo Sapiens, for reasons that should be obvious.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

2.  Happiness: (Noun)  Happiness should be a fairly simple concept, but it's one that 95% of the population doesn't actually understand.  Most often confused with complacency or contentment  (see below for both), happiness is neither of these things.

Happiness is, quite simply, a state in which being alive is fun.  It is a state of actively enjoying yourself, even if you aren't doing anything.  Think back to when you were a kid, before They did all this shit to you, and remember how it felt when they let you out of school for the summer, and you were damn near fit to bust with glee at the thought of an entire endless summer stretching out ahead of you.  That's happiness.

Unfortunately, most people think that you buy happiness on easy credit terms.  They think their SUV will make them happy, or the big fucking house they have (until the ARM adjusts, at least), or the HUGE plasma screen TV that costs more than most of the humans make in their lifetime.  The fact that they spend all their time sweating the bills doesn't register as being unhappy, because they have - at least for the moment - all the things the TV said they should have.

Happiness, like Slack^TM, isn't something you can buy, and it's not something They can give you (though they can take it away, if you let them).  It's you, being glad you're you, no matter what situation you find yourself in.  As my 87 year old Uncle George says, "I'm here to have a good time, and if you're not having a good time, it's your own damn fault *cackle*".

[The Good Reverend Roger]

3.  Complacency: (Noun):  Most often confused with happiness, and closely related to False Slack, complacency is the feeling that They want you to spend most of your time in. 

Complacency is the state of feeling like everything is Okay.  When you're in this state, you don't actually want anything to be BETTER than okay, because that might remind you that some things - many things - are less than okay.

Complacency is the feeling you get when you make all your minimum payments for the month, and still have just enough money for a 30 pack of some horrible "beer" that's already been through a cow once or twice.

Complacency is the feeling you get when you get off of work in time to scurry home like a crazed weasel so you don't miss the next exciting episode of American Idol or that fucking abortion Lost.

Complacency is the enemy of happiness, because it is a state in which you are afraid to do anything different, because it might disrupt a life which, though not enjoyable, is comfortable and safe.  Unlike happiness, when you're complacent, you aren't actually having FUN.  You're treading water to avoid unpleasantness, either physical, financial, emotional, or just being knocked out of your comfort zone.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

4.  Contentment: (Noun)  Contentment is closely related to happiness, but isn't quite the same thing.  It is a transitory phase between achieving happiness and moving on to the next thing...Or between achieving happiness and sliding into complacency.

Though it can inspire happiness, contentment is by definition a sort of "resting on your laurels", and people who try to hang on to it usually find themselves treading water, as noted above.  A Subgenius or Discordian in a state of grace, however, will recognize it for it's transitory qualities, enjoy it for a short period of time, and then move on to other things.

Contentment is the feeling you have right after a particularly good session of sex (even if it's with other people).  It is the feeling you get when you complete a difficult task, or finally get a date with the person you think you want to be with (See "Love", below).

An example of contentment gone sour is the jock who still identifies himself with his high school football triumphs, when he's 40 years old, or the former beauty who still tries to look coquettish, long after it becomes grotesque.

The real hazard of contentment is this:  As you get older, your definition of fun will change, whether or not you care to admit it.  A happy person will roll with these changes, and adapt and grow, and the "content" or complacent person will turn into one of those ridiculous club creepers, still hanging out in dance clubs at age 35, trying to score with 22 year olds, and totally oblivious to how ridiculous he looks, or to the fact that he really isn't enjoying himself.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

5.  False Slack: (Noun)  False Slack is the "fun" They tell you to have, so that you don't go find fun of your own that doesn't line their pockets, or keep you in the nice, safe little box they have so graciously prepared for you.

It would be futile to try to list every type of False Slack, but a few examples may serve to illustrate the concept:

1.  Drinking because your friends drink, or because you "can't have fun without a buzz."

2.  Smoking weed so you can spout all the Stoner Cultural memes, rather than for medicinal purposes...or because you LIKE to.  If you feel the need to evangelize about it, or unceasingly yell "401, SMOKE EVERY DAY", then it's False Slack.

3.  Suffering through sports events on TV, so you'll know what the morons around the water cooler are jabbering about on Monday morning.

4.  Working yourself to death so you can have "The American Dream" of the white picket fence, two cars, and the "dream home" that you didn't actually WANT and can't really AFFORD, but that you were told you SHOULD want.

5.  Getting a degree in a field you hate, because "that's where the jobs are".  Hint:  If you can't stand it in school, you're going to be miserable while actually doing it for your whole life.

In short, False Slack is what They try to get you to do, so you don't indulge in real Slack™.  It's doing what you think you SHOULD enjoy, instead of doing what you actually DO enjoy.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

6.  Or Kill Me: (Directive)  Or Kill Me is an old concept, first spouted by Saint Patrick Henry back in the year dot...Though he worded it, "Give me liberty, or give me death".  It is a means of saying "This is what I aim to say and/or do.  You'll have to kill me to get me to stop."

It is the only attitude for an actual biped to have, when dealing with one's principles and/or Saturday Night™ (see below).

See?  That's a lot simpler than most people were thinking, all these years.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

7.  Saturday Night^TM (Noun, Verb)  Saturday Night^TM isn't, despite appearances, a day of the week.  It is instead the ability or the opportunity to have a good time, whenever that time happens to be.

The term comes from the film Air America, in which Mel Gibson's character explains that civilizations can be graded on their Saturday nights...New York, for example, has a hell of a Saturday night, but North Korea probably has a really shitty one.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

8.  Love: (Noun, Verb):  Almost universally misused, love is the state of being or the action of caring in a positive manner about someone or something more than you care about yourself. 

You love your spouse (I hope), and you love you kids, but I'm reasonably certain you don't actually love a TV show (I hope) or a favorite food.

Obviously, there's no harm in a little hyperbole, though, and it would be pedantic to correct someone for saying "I LOVE THIS DECADE!" or "I LOVE NOT HAVING THE CLAP ANYMORE".

The opposite of love isn't hate (see below), interestingly enough, but rather indifference.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

9.  Hate: (Noun, Verb)  Hate is simply the emotion or action of disliking or detesting something or someone enough that you'll go out of your way to do damage, either physically, emotionally, or in terms of reputation.

Hate is often maligned as a "bad" emotion, which is of course ridiculous.  It is simply one emotion among the gamut of human feelings, and in some cases can be quite appropriate.

For example, I hate Nazis.  Period.  I am comfortable with this.  I also hate anyone or anything that tries to restrict my personal liberty, no matter how trifling that restriction may be.  I could list everything I hate, but the list would be too fucking long.  The beauty of the 21st Century is how many things you can hate, and be right in doing so.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

10.  The Lost Highway: (Noun)  The Lost Highway is a metaphor for that place in your head where you go when you realize that your belief system has put you hopelessly out of touch with the vast majority of domesticated primates on the planet.

The term was invented by Hank Williams Sr, when he realized that his exploration of the human condition had alienated him.  He could speak to millions with his music, but he couldn't actually communicate the things he'd learned, to people who hadn't been where he'd been, or seen what he'd seen...So he killed himself, more or less by accident, with booze and pills.

And he is by no means the only victim of The Lost Highway.  Van Gogh, Elvis, Curly, Gandhi, Payne, my old friend Larry Wells, and many others have joined the wreckage on the left shoulder, and their bones bleach in the sun. 

The Lost Highway is a lonely place, you see, because most people don't want to know the truth (see below), and that loneliness will fucking kill you if you let it.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

11.  The Truth: (Noun)  This is possibly the most important concept in this list.  Truth is often mistaken for religioun, philosophy, or principles.  This, of course, is incorrect.

Truth is, in the plainest terms, the way things really are, as opposed to the way we'd like things to be.  The truth can change with conditions (ie, it's true that the sky is clear here today, but that may not be true tomorrow), or even with perspective (a simple lesson in relativity will demonstrate that), but it is not subject to opinion or wishful thinking or even the strident demands of those in authority.

Needless to say, telling the truth will not make you popular at parties, because most peoples' most closely held beliefs are not based on truth.  In fact, there isn't a single political philosophy that is based on truth, nor any religions (at least, not that can be proven).  Communism doesn't work, no matter how badly you want it to.  Neither does laissez faire capitalism, anarchy, or anything else that deviates from the primate pack mentality (Constitutional monarchy does just fine, as does a democracy/republic so long as there is a president/prime minister/whatever to represent the alpha of the pack).  The reason for this is that the truth is that we are primates, and we act like primates, so - at least in a group of any size - we need alphas, and the rules that they enforce.

Sometimes it's not always desirable to TELL the truth ("My, what an ugly bride"), but it is always desirable to see and understand it, unless you're the kind of person who likes walking around cacti with a blindfold on.

In short, the truth is the way things are, whether or not you like it or care to see it.  You can often get away with ignoring it, but eventually, you're gonna get bit.

The truth is a horrible thing.  It isn't always noble, it's rarely pleasing, and it can sometimes even drive you mad.  But it is the only thing worth having.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

12.  Paranoia: (Noun)  The condition of being in possession of all the facts.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

13.  Pink:  (Noun, Adjective)  Derivative from Black slang for White people (Pinkboy), in Discordian/Subgenius terms, a Pinkboy is someone who tries as hard as possible to be as "normal" or as "cool" as he or she can.

A Pink isn't just your suburban jackass who wastes his life trying to acquire the status symbols that say "you made it", or the no-fun freaks who think that dancing leads to eternal damnation.  No, you also have to include the guy who spends 3 hours in front of a mirror cultivating that "I don't care what you think" look, or laughs at all the geeks who aren't wearing all black and mascara, just like all of their friends.

The Church of the Subgenius defines a Pinkboy who is aware of his condition and likes it as a "glorp", for reasons unknown.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

14.  Po'Bucker:  Another derivative from Black slang, "poor buckra".  Buckra originally meant "devil" but came into popular parlance during slavery days as "white devil", particularly with respect to overseers.  The poorer Whites were more abusive to Blacks than the richer ones, who could afford to crap on White people.

In Discordian/Subgenius terms, Po'Buckers are your standard low brow cretins of any race.  They despise "book learning" as somehow being contrary to "common sense", and are indeed proud of their hard-earned ignorance.

They can usually be found at Tea Party rallies, Nascar events, or on the end stool of any loser bar in America.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

15.  Pee-Stained Dentures: (Noun, adjective) The sad condition or act of demanding "respect" (homage) from people who have been in a subculture or area less time than the person afflicted.

The term comes from incessant heckling recieved by Ivan Stang on usenet (alt.slack) when he suddenly decided that he preferred to be a tragic old hipster who was too good to talk to the unwashed masses.

A good many people, myself included (2005 still makes me cringe), have fallen into this trap.  Unfortunately, the afflicted rarely realize their condition, but fortunately it seems to be temporary among Discordians, who are particularly good at deflating oversized egos, and unstuffing shirts.