Author Topic: RIP Cain  (Read 357 times)

Eater of Clowns

  • Deposed Mexico
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 49757
  • Limpid Lust Pariah of Foulness
    • View Profile
RIP Cain
« on: May 16, 2011, 05:07:01 pm »
It is my sad duty to reports upon the death of a board regular, the political savvy legend Cain.  He passed away quietly in his sleep at the ripe old age of 27.

Friends and family close to the young man were asked about the circumstances of his death, described by the coroner as "perfectly clear and ordinary."  Nearly unanimously they spoke of a long standing, unspecified medical condition that struck its final blow as he lay in a restful evening in a quiet, secluded, cash-only motel.  They would look about hurriedly as though expecting unwelcome guests and urgently repeated that this was a family matter that was best not looked into by other parties.  When asked if the police were involved, they vehemently assured me that no, such a thing was left to a higher power.  I had no previous knowledge of Cain's associates being such spiritual folk.

Known for his in depth analysis of current events, Cain's online persona became even more secretive and erratic as of late.  He was noted for being absent for weeks, months at a time, then updating on a number of websites with a rapid fire series of pieces.  Several of them mentioned...REDACTED...  Curiously, a wildly different IP address was used for each of these occasions, and then for no longer than a day at a time.  It would seem his final days were filled with the world traveling and hunger for culture that would fit such a figure.

I prompted local doctor...REDACTED...for his opinion on the death of such a healthy young man.  He insisted, repeatedly, that this sort of thing was...REDACTED...a clear case of "an...er...spontaneous cerebral embolism" before hastily shutting the door.

We'll miss Cain, of course, not only for the insight he provides into our complex web of a world but for the humor and wit he shared with us all.  Memorial arrangements will be at the...REDACTED...and his assets.  Refreshments are to follow provided by an anonymous well wisher.
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

  • Dirtbag
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 35308
    • View Profile
Re: RIP Cain
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2011, 05:08:57 pm »
I shall miss him.  He once made Blair cry.

But I imagine singing "Danny Boy" at the royal wedding was just pushing things too far.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

Adios

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 96724
    • View Profile
Re: RIP Cain
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2011, 07:45:48 pm »
I don't believe it. Cain would never pass away quietly, With his last breath he would have hit the send button, resulting in immediate and total world chaos.

Dysnomia

  • window evolutionary biologist
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 47885
  • vibrating love waif of Eris
    • View Profile
Re: RIP Cain
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2011, 02:58:54 am »
GODDAMNIT why did you bastards kill him?  I know it was you!
It's all fun and games, till someone gets herpes.

http://cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/122010/mow-the-lawn.gif

Richter

  • Razor-Sharp Rattan Surgical Tool Sharpener™
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 100386
  • Right Coast Deacon of Self-Contamination
    • View Profile
Re: RIP Cain
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2011, 03:06:29 am »
Too convenient.  It's only safe to assume if you THINK he's dead that he's just up to something now.
Hork Barf Spit
Friendly Neighborhood Mentat
Slacker, Warrior Poet, Pervert.
Non-stop Disco.

Tiddleywomp Cockletit

  • La Mano Famosa del Infierno
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 151970
  • Interweb Horrormonkey of Love
    • View Profile
Re: RIP Cain
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2011, 07:09:31 am »
Cain has only taken a leave of absence in order to secure total world domination. You'll see I'm right when the Royals start trolling TCC.
Scantily-Clad Inspector of Gigantic and Unnecessary Cashews, Texas Division