Author Topic: Broken Time in Fat City, part I: It's What You Asked For, Why Are You Crying?  (Read 3383 times)

Doktor Howl

  • TUCSON RAIDER
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 353253
  • TUCSON RAIDER
    • View Profile
 It’s summer in Tucson again, and the rot has set in.  The City is turning baby-shit brown with dust, just another layer of filth that is slowly but surely fossilizing us all.  There’s no escaping it...This is, after all, Tucson; the City where dreams come to die.

But don’t you worry about me.  I am so raged-filled & stressed out that the lassitude cannot touch me.  My heels itch and my fists spontaneously ball up every time I slow down, and my lungs have become accustomed to not having enough air to breathe.

Even Knuckles says I’m an ornery bastard these days, but what of it?  The constant drag of my profession - the daily horror of being Doktor Howl - has turned my nerves to glass and my skin to pure iron.  If I exhaled hard enough, I could be used as a vacuum tube in one of those old radios.

But what Knuckles doesn’t understand is that this is the perfect condition to be in, for doing SCIENCE to people.  He’ll learn, though, he’ll learn.  He has the potential for being the best Igor any Scientist ever had, even if he hasn’t got a club foot and a hunchback.  He refuses to lisp, but it’s not like I’m paying him, right? 

That’s right, Knuckles, you just fetch me the raw material, and I’ll do the rest.  If it looks like I’m about to go all Chainsaw Billy, well that’s just the coffee and/or bourbon talking.  Coffee and bourbon fuel SCIENCE, and don’t let anyone tell you different.  I am, after all, a Doktor, and these are grim days.

I don’t think I need to once again go over the litany of problems from the past, present, and future that plague us...Nor do I have anything but mocking laughter for the people who demanded a police state, and are now angry & scared about it.  Learn to love the backscatter pervert machines at the airports, peasants.  Learn to love the casual beatings dished out for dancing in public, “demonstrating” at the Jefferson Memorial, and just having the wrong skin color in the wrong state.  YOU fucking howled for this shit, YOU made this bed, now YOU lie in it.  I spit on you all.

Oh, yes...You have flung yourselves back into the past, back into the days of kings (even if you call them “elected leaders”, the practical difference is nil), back into the days of the “Captains of Industry” (sometimes called “robber barons”), you have lowered your pants and shat all over every man & woman that slaved and died over the last century to give you a better life, and now you’re getting what you deserve.  Muhaha!

And you’ve brought yourself a bit of the future too, haven’t you?  Mighty strange weather this year...The same patterns that have given us such a nice mild spring have locked you all in a frozen hell turned sodden and storm-wracked.  SCIENCE warned you, but you preferred to listen to tame prostitutes with degrees - funded by big industry - who told you that everything was just fine.  SCIENCE warned you that species diversification is necessary, but that we’re losing species at an alarming rate, but you chose to listen to appeal to ridicule arguments by paid whores on AM radio.  YOU made this hell, now YOU freeze in it.

Worst of all, you have allowed yourselves to be taught that SCIENCE cannot be trusted, that you have to “think with your gut” (as one comedian once said, from the White House podium), that centuries of study can be replaced by wink from some bimbo from Alaska.

Time’s broken, and you bastards broke it.  I’m just going to spend the next few years documenting the results...Not that there’ll be anyone to read it, necessarily, but because SCIENCE demands it.  It also demands the hilarity, the laugh-until-your-guts-bleed fun that I have planned over the next few months. 

It’s just my little way of helping you enjoy all the things you pleaded for, demanded, and then finally received.

I hope you choke on it.

Okay for now.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Adios

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 96724
    • View Profile
I am choking on it you evil bastard.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 623990
  • v=1/3πr2h
    • View Profile
Oh goddamn yes!

This has a "We do what we must because we can" quality about it, too.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”



“All that goodness, with a frozen chicken in the middle.”
― Doktor Howl, 2014

The Commander

  • The Commander
  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 523
  • All agents should pass me the ketchup.
    • View Profile
    • http://www.livejournal.com/users/thecommanderdia/
I only choke when set on fire.
The Commander
DIA
Discordian Intelligence Agency

Juana Go?

  • Hideous and Otherworldly Attack Duckling of DESPAIR
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 65322
    • View Profile
I only choke when set on fire.
:lulz:

I live someplace where I have all the opportunity in the world to conduct SCIENCE (such as I can, as I'm not quite a doktor) in a place that wants to be a City (and hates the places that are).

I should really get on that, because I had no chance to try to change this. This started before I was even politically aware, and I ought to help the people who did this choke.
“Call me sentimental, but there’s no-one in the world that I’d like to see get dysentery more than you.” — David Nicholls (One Day)

Doktor Howl

  • TUCSON RAIDER
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 353253
  • TUCSON RAIDER
    • View Profile
I only choke when set on fire.

THAT

CAN

BE

ARRANGED!
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Doktor Howl

  • TUCSON RAIDER
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 353253
  • TUCSON RAIDER
    • View Profile
I only choke when set on fire.
:lulz:

I live someplace where I have all the opportunity in the world to conduct SCIENCE (such as I can, as I'm not quite a doktor) in a place that wants to be a City (and hates the places that are).

I should really get on that, because I had no chance to try to change this. This started before I was even politically aware, and I ought to help the people who did this choke.

That's really what Doktoring is all about.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Dysfunctional Cunt

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 54764
    • View Profile
Like this one a lot!!!  I didn't realize I would enjoy watching it all cave in on them as much as I am though.

It should probably upset me more than it does, but only because I just can't seem to bring myself to give a shit about the majority of the monkeys out there making up the general population.  

So I'm not worried or scared, just laughing like a mad woman because that's all that's left we can really do.

:mittens: Dok!!


The Commander

  • The Commander
  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 523
  • All agents should pass me the ketchup.
    • View Profile
    • http://www.livejournal.com/users/thecommanderdia/
I only choke when set on fire.

THAT

CAN

BE

ARRANGED!

Oh Doktor...you sure do no the way to a girls heart. *swoon*
The Commander
DIA
Discordian Intelligence Agency

Doktor Howl

  • TUCSON RAIDER
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 353253
  • TUCSON RAIDER
    • View Profile
You forgot cookies & pie, stabbity stabbity.

Not sure why the fuck I bother, to be honest.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Dysfunctional Cunt

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 54764
    • View Profile
You forgot cookies & pie, stabbity stabbity.

Not sure why the fuck I bother, to be honest.


 :?

Doktor Howl

  • TUCSON RAIDER
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 353253
  • TUCSON RAIDER
    • View Profile
You forgot cookies & pie, stabbity stabbity.

Not sure why the fuck I bother, to be honest.


 :?

Talking about The Commander's posts.

There's nothing that fills me with hate faster than pounding out a rant NOT meant for Apple Talk, and then having some pineal fuckwit shit on it.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Dysfunctional Cunt

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 54764
    • View Profile
You forgot cookies & pie, stabbity stabbity.

Not sure why the fuck I bother, to be honest.


 :?

Talking about The Commander's posts.

There's nothing that fills me with hate faster than pounding out a rant NOT meant for Apple Talk, and then having some pineal fuckwit shit on it.

Ah yes, I understand your pain!!!  But hey, it does help your actual point in the rant right?

Doktor Howl

  • TUCSON RAIDER
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 353253
  • TUCSON RAIDER
    • View Profile
You forgot cookies & pie, stabbity stabbity.

Not sure why the fuck I bother, to be honest.


 :?

Talking about The Commander's posts.

There's nothing that fills me with hate faster than pounding out a rant NOT meant for Apple Talk, and then having some pineal fuckwit shit on it.

Ah yes, I understand your pain!!!  But hey, it does help your actual point in the rant right?

Yes, I suppose there's that.  It's still a pain in the ass, though.  I mean, it's a deliberate slap in the face.

I've given The Commander a lot of leeway, because he's one of the old school crowd, but this is the end of the fucking line.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Adios

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 96724
    • View Profile
Don't let it tank the thread, there's too much meat here.