Author Topic: Church of the New Apostate  (Read 2409 times)

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Church of the New Apostate
« Reply #75 on: October 22, 2013, 12:09:52 am »
The back is designed to slow down the rate at which people drink straight liquor, but as far as I can tell it instead serves as something to slam while you're waiting for the bartender to notice that you're ready to order again. It's like a free extra drunk nugget.

You don't have beer backs in Arizonaland?
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”



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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Church of the New Apostate
« Reply #76 on: October 22, 2013, 02:45:27 am »
The back is designed to slow down the rate at which people drink straight liquor, but as far as I can tell it instead serves as something to slam while you're waiting for the bartender to notice that you're ready to order again. It's like a free extra drunk nugget.

You don't have beer backs in Arizonaland?

No, the words "free drink" are typically followed by "arrrrrg", here, and then by a long arc through the air in a short room.

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Don Coyote

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Re: Church of the New Apostate
« Reply #77 on: October 22, 2013, 05:25:03 am »
I feel like buying whiskey.
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Richter

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Re: Church of the New Apostate
« Reply #78 on: October 23, 2013, 01:17:57 am »
The Whiskey Rules

1.  Shots are for po'buckers in loser bars.  You put the whiskey in a tumbler and sip at it.  You get the taste, you get the burn, and you don't get wrecked unless you're patient.

2.  Chugging whiskey should be a capital offense.  Fortunately, nature designed things so that this is largely the case.

3.  Whiskey is manly in inverse proportion to its price.  Maker's Mark is average.  Below that is chest hair, above that is guys named Trevor who somehow escaped the server room.

4.  Whiskey is not designed to be mixed or adulterated with any other substance.  This includes ice.  Whiskey neat is the only way to maintain a state of grace.  Using whiskey in mixed drinks is the road to perdition.

5.  Whiskey won't cure you, but you won't care.

6.  Rye is not whiskey, no matter who says so.  Rye is a foul concoction that is fit only for cleaning engine parts and/or consumption by Canadians, who don't know any better.

7.  You will never see a Humphrey Bogart movie in which a "chaser" is involved in any way with whiskey.  This is worth mentioning, because Humphrey Bogart is the FINAL AUTHORITY on whiskey.

8.  The only non-Bogart movie that took whiskey seriously was Inglorious Bastards.

9.  Proof of whiskey's superiority is that we won the cold war against vodka-drinking Russkis.  End of story.

10.  Whiskey makes you stupid.  Of course it makes you stupid.  If you didn't want to be stupid, you wouldn't be drinking toxic liquids in the first place.  Stop being so fucking American™ and just admit that you're hammered.

- From Tucson Wisdom as written by Doctor Howl, just prior to his death.

BRILLIANT.

1.  They make shots in weird fucking flavors.  Drinking hard liquor in a way that lets you forget you're drinking hard liquor is lying to yourself.

2.  WHEN?

3.  RAH.

4.  RAH!

5.  It's "MEDICINE".  Our language does not have a sufficiently complex comprehension of "MEDICINE".  The chinese concept of "Fortune" comes close.

6.  Refer back to the server room guy trying to prove he has chest hair.

7.  See my response to #1.  If you need to drink to forget your drank you're getting something wrong.

8.  YES.

9.  Still not sure what to use vodka for other than brewing projects.  I think it's there to keep amateurs AWAY FROM MY STUFF.

10.    RRRAAHHH!




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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Church of the New Apostate
« Reply #79 on: October 28, 2013, 09:42:57 pm »
"The nail that sticks up gets the tyranids."
- Ars Richteria, footnotes.
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Richter

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Re: Church of the New Apostate
« Reply #80 on: October 28, 2013, 09:51:11 pm »
"The squeaky wheel gets rough handling to it's lugnuts with dirty power tools"
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Re: Church of the New Apostate
« Reply #81 on: April 06, 2015, 02:58:14 am »
Needs MOAR.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

LuciferX

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Re: Church of the New Apostate
« Reply #82 on: April 06, 2015, 06:50:18 am »
"T'was gaping like a pike, barbed by winged lore"
- Overheard in reading Ars Richteria, glossolalia.
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Re: Church of the New Apostate
« Reply #83 on: April 06, 2015, 09:59:27 am »
I forgot how good this thread was!
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