Quotes of the Moment II

[Net]

"I JUST WANT IPHONE 5! APPLE, YOU MAKE US WAIT IN LINE OUTSIDE STORE LIKE FOR FREE BREAD!"

Yes, yes. The corporate thugs from Apple are forcing you to by this unnecessary thing right now as if it were the Soviet Union and you were in line for something you actually needed. Those evil, evil bastards.

Here's a thought. Maybe just fucking wait or be happy with the phone you have now. My phone's a $20 piece of shit from MetroPCS. Why'd I get it and why do I still have it? It does what I need it to, and it cost $20.


 

Right? It made my day. The fact that the guy seemed to be Eastern European made me think it was a well played troll.

[Cain]

I find my son's verbal inventiveness a perpetual source of marvel and delight.

This is the boy who gets routinely booted from Minecraft and WOW servers for sidling up to other players and softly saying "I love you".

That's better than me, for sure.  My best quote from a gaming experience is "oh fuck, how the hell do you kill this thing?  Shit shit...oh, shooting it in the head seems to work."

Yes, you heard it here first: shooting things in the head kills them.  When they have a head, that is.  This fancy N7 1337 spec ops death-dealing assassin of thousands rank isn't just for show, you know?

[El Twid]

Today has one of those moments when you realize that you're older than you think you are because suddenly you're comfortable making certain kinds of jokes with your youngest sibling:

Twid:  I dunno [Twidcousin], I think your branch has the right idea. Don't know if you're a UU yourself, but I'll probably become one myself before I die so the Papists don't bury me. (No offense, Twidsister)
Twidsister: -had to google paptist-
Twid: There's a whole bunch of other insulting terms for Catholics. If you look into Irish history, you'll find a bunch. Popery. Popishness.
Twidsister: POPISHNESS OMG
Twid: Hopefully you googled Papist and not paptist. Paptist might bring up something else that I've never experienced.
Twidsister: ur right srry 4 the missspelling -TS

For those who may not know or have forgotten, there is a 15 year age difference between me and Twidsister (2 year difference between me and Midsister)

[Net]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You and the stranger both like Internet.

Stranger: internet's ok

Stranger: ohai

You: You like to make internets?

Stranger: i have almost no experience

You: How many internets you make?

Stranger: tcp/ip nets are alright

Stranger: i manage to make two a day

Stranger: depending on the size

Stranger: mostly they are 9 inch internets

You: Do you search the deep webs?

Stranger: i have no idea of the onion protocol

You: How you know I type "onion" and erase in browser?

Stranger: well

Stranger: mmh

Stranger: twas a guess

You: What wrong with your exit nodes?

Stranger: i really gotta head out now. i iz scared

Stranger: toodles man! <3

You: Okie dokie!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[Cain]

It's a little before midnight on Friday, September 2nd, and I'm sitting in a hotel bar in Houston. Somewhere to the southeast, the worst natural disaster in American history is unfolding in  the darkness, with an entire city shrouded in death, panic and disease ─and here we are, a bunch of half-drunk, affluent white people quaffing eleven-dollar foreign beers and planning what appears to be a paramilitary mission to rescue two cats and a maid in the wreckage of New Orleans.

I'm in the lounge of the Four Seasons with Sean Penn and other assorted media creatures, debating the merits of rescuing animals instead of humans in a disaster area. To my left is the eminent historian Douglas Brinkley, a friendly academic whose careful diction reminds me of Bob Woodward's. Brinkley is my contact in Houston. He's friends with Penn, and when he evacuated his home in New Orleans earlier in the week, heleft his cats and his maid behind in the flood zone. Now he and Penn are talking about commandeering private jets, helicopters and weapons for a grand mission into hell that begins tomorrow.

I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

[M. Nigel Salt]

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You and the stranger both like Internet.

Stranger: internet's ok

Stranger: ohai

You: You like to make internets?

Stranger: i have almost no experience

You: How many internets you make?

Stranger: tcp/ip nets are alright

Stranger: i manage to make two a day

Stranger: depending on the size

Stranger: mostly they are 9 inch internets

You: Do you search the deep webs?

Stranger: i have no idea of the onion protocol

You: How you know I type "onion" and erase in browser?

Stranger: well

Stranger: mmh

Stranger: twas a guess

You: What wrong with your exit nodes?

Stranger: i really gotta head out now. i iz scared

Stranger: toodles man! <3

You: Okie dokie!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Whaaaaaaaa

[M. Nigel Salt]

It's a little before midnight on Friday, September 2nd, and I'm sitting in a hotel bar in Houston. Somewhere to the southeast, the worst natural disaster in American history is unfolding in  the darkness, with an entire city shrouded in death, panic and disease ─and here we are, a bunch of half-drunk, affluent white people quaffing eleven-dollar foreign beers and planning what appears to be a paramilitary mission to rescue two cats and a maid in the wreckage of New Orleans.

I'm in the lounge of the Four Seasons with Sean Penn and other assorted media creatures, debating the merits of rescuing animals instead of humans in a disaster area. To my left is the eminent historian Douglas Brinkley, a friendly academic whose careful diction reminds me of Bob Woodward's. Brinkley is my contact in Houston. He's friends with Penn, and when he evacuated his home in New Orleans earlier in the week, heleft his cats and his maid behind in the flood zone. Now he and Penn are talking about commandeering private jets, helicopters and weapons for a grand mission into hell that begins tomorrow.

I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

Wowwww

[Lenin McCarthy]

From the Russian civil war after the revolution there is an account of how the noble-hearted participants treated their prisoners: they took a prisoner and ripped up his stomach a little, so they got hold of his small intestine. They nailed it to a tree, and with glowing bayonets - that they heated in a small bonfire they had set up solely for this purpose -, with these glowing bayonets they forced the prisoner to run around the tree until his small intestine, and at best a bit of his colon was wound onto the tree like thread on a spool.
Then the prisoner was left lying by his guts until he expired in the fresh forest air.

I have a presentaton about Jens Bjørneboe at school tomorrow, and I'm considering reading this excerpt out loud but not sure if appropriate.

[Juana Go?]

…Do you like your classmates and teacher? If so, I recommend against it.

[Lenin McCarthy]

…Do you like your classmates and teacher? If so, I recommend against it.

That's what I thought, so I dropped it.

[El Twid]

So, I'm talking to my cousin on FB:

Her:
In other tales of family fucked uppery, Kathie and Marie want to bring Nana to see [Cousin in rehab] at the rehab center. This is not the best laid plan.

Me:
I.... WHAT?! Do they have Alzheimer's too?

Her:
Maybe their master plan is to leave her there? Even if she wad mentally sound, the facility is a rough place to be. Lots of yelling and swearing and chaos. It would do more harm than good.it is just another example of that generation ignoring the needs of our generation. I know how [cousin] feels about the extended family and this is a bad idea.

Her:
You know, if we were southern, this would just be another day. But, we are yankees and really need to get our shit together.

[Luna]

So, I'm talking to my cousin on FB:

Her:
In other tales of family fucked uppery, Kathie and Marie want to bring Nana to see [Cousin in rehab] at the rehab center. This is not the best laid plan.

Me:
I.... WHAT?! Do they have Alzheimer's too?

Her:
Maybe their master plan is to leave her there? Even if she wad mentally sound, the facility is a rough place to be. Lots of yelling and swearing and chaos. It would do more harm than good.it is just another example of that generation ignoring the needs of our generation. I know how [cousin] feels about the extended family and this is a bad idea.

Her:
You know, if we were southern, this would just be another day. But, we are yankees and really need to get our shit together.

Maybe Kathie and Marie should speak with Nana's doctor regarding how she might react to exposure to rehab.  Maybe see if there's anything they need to do to prepare for the trip (and give the doctor the chance to rip them new orifices).

[El Twid]

So, I'm talking to my cousin on FB:

Her:
In other tales of family fucked uppery, Kathie and Marie want to bring Nana to see [Cousin in rehab] at the rehab center. This is not the best laid plan.

Me:
I.... WHAT?! Do they have Alzheimer's too?

Her:
Maybe their master plan is to leave her there? Even if she wad mentally sound, the facility is a rough place to be. Lots of yelling and swearing and chaos. It would do more harm than good.it is just another example of that generation ignoring the needs of our generation. I know how [cousin] feels about the extended family and this is a bad idea.

Her:
You know, if we were southern, this would just be another day. But, we are yankees and really need to get our shit together.

Maybe Kathie and Marie should speak with Nana's doctor regarding how she might react to exposure to rehab.  Maybe see if there's anything they need to do to prepare for the trip (and give the doctor the chance to rip them new orifices).

My other aunt talked them out of it.

But yeah. Let's take a demented elderly woman to go visit a recovering junkie. Clearly we're firing on all cyclinders here.

[Cain]

Without a doubt, the best quote from the entire Baldurs Gate series:

Okay, I've just about had my FILL of riddle-asking, quest-assigning, insult throwing, pun hurling, hostage taking, iron mongering, smart arsed fools, freaks and felons that continually test my will, mettle, strength and above all patience!  If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick, or I'm going to take a large, blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the Nine Hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd!  Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!

CHARNAME is a touchy bastard.

[El Twid]

Without a doubt, the best quote from the entire Baldurs Gate series:

Okay, I've just about had my FILL of riddle-asking, quest-assigning, insult throwing, pun hurling, hostage taking, iron mongering, smart arsed fools, freaks and felons that continually test my will, mettle, strength and above all patience!  If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick, or I'm going to take a large, blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the Nine Hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd!  Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!

CHARNAME is a touchy bastard.