Author Topic: RIP The Good Reverend Roger  (Read 1007 times)

Eater of Clowns

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RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« on: June 17, 2011, 06:59:05 pm »
Well, it finally happened.  The fucker has been telling us to kill him for years and someone finally did it.  And boy did they ever do it.  Of course, we couldn't be the ones that did it.  We liked the rotten bastard too much and, let's face it, we're malicious enough cunts that keeping him alive was just funnier.  Some people just don't have senses of humor though, some people just don't have the capacity for fun, and we all know The Good Reverend had a talent for finding precisely that sort.

The day started like any other for our beloved Rain God.  He woke up and considered the toilet for a proper few minutes before, in a self control derived from malice, holding it in until he could cause serious damage to not only the plumbing system but also the psyches of his co-workers.  Then he yelled at nothing for 49 seconds.  What came after I'm actually rather repulsed by so I'll just skip to the important part.

Filthy Assistant, Jim, the inept engineers and the blowhards were all in on it.  They found out what badwrong fun is, the Good Reverend way, and they wanted in.  Or so they told him.  There was a Tea Party rally in the Holy City of Tucson that day, they told him.  It was time for them to all join in and shit some deranged hate on the mouthbreathers of their town.  Look, one said, we even have these fliers.

Now ordinarily the ruse would have been seen right through, but the lot of them were convening with the Spider and TGRR was all looped out on an extra dose or eight of pills that day.  We still aren't sure if he thought he was going to stomp on some teabagger tards or ridicule some pagans in the park or go yell at the Arizona wildfires.  So they arrived, this little entourage and the rabble was, as they say, roused.  Just before the whole thing came to a close, The Reverend's crew pointed at the mic just sitting there, waiting, and said to him "Do it.  This is the time."

All fucked up he walked to that podium and he grabbed the offending mic and opened up his gullet to allow a sermon to be sung.  But something was wrong.  They weren't angry, like they should be.  They weren't listening, even, they were just standing there, eyes hungry and bodies poised.

It's been a long time since anybody was drawn and quartered but suffice it to say the act, and sight ain't pretty.  When they hooked up each of The Good Reverend Roger's limbs to the backs of four Rascal scooters I don't think any of them were prepared for the surprising amount of horse power they provide.  He was torn grotesquely in the four directions of the compass and they all cheered, however briefly that victory lasted.  But of course their subsidized mobility assistance devices were strong enough to haul a land whale, so as he came apart at the seams, all contained therein catapulted out of him with the ferocity of even his most bowl shattering poomps.

The smell was horrible.  Fresh meat isn't supposed to stink like that.  They didn't know, like we do, that he'd been rotting on the inside for quite a while.  Everything was discolored and there was far, far more fecal matter than even I am comfortable with discussing.  It shorted the Rascals and it landed in the gaping mouths of the assembled Teabaggers.  Filthy Assistant had some unidentifiable stuff strike him in the eye.  He wears a patch over it know, not for blindness, but they say he sees things out of it that he just should not.

And that was how it ended, friends.
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Doktor Howl

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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2011, 07:05:38 pm »
I, for one, will not miss him.  He was a pigfucker from the beginning, and he still owes me money.

And he had, in fact, been desceased for some time prior to The Incident, having died a rather inglorious death as a completely ironic follow up to a truly epic shit. 

Having Elvis'ed himself, though, the vultures were in fact waiting.  They dismembered his body and, God help them, they ate it.  Apparently, the smell of decomposing Asshat is not as foul as the stench that comes from between the folds of their fat in the hot Arizona sun.

And thus, the worms multiply.  There are now at minimum, 20 people infected with his horrible spirochetes, that will drive THEM mad as they drove HIM mad...And the cycle will repeat itself.  20 TGRRs, stepping from their mobility scooters and into your towns.  In another 9 years it will be 400.  9 years after that, 8000 TGRRs, standing on your porch and wondering where the bourbon is.

This is your future, because you wouldn't listen...And he's dead now, so it's TOO LATE.
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Pope Pixie Pickle

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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2011, 07:21:57 pm »
Does this mean that i get the rain Goddess powers back?

Doktor Howl

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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #3 on: June 17, 2011, 07:38:16 pm »
Does this mean that i get the rain Goddess powers back?


Yep.  The miserable bastard has been deliberately fucking with the controls, and now half the world is underwater, and the other half is on fire.
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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2011, 07:43:50 pm »
 :horrormirth:  Poor Roger. Does anyone else want to tear off Jim's eyepatch and make him watch endless hours of Glen Beck TV?
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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2011, 07:48:52 pm »
Filthy Assistant had some unidentifiable stuff strike him in the eye.  He wears a patch over it know, not for blindness, but they say he sees things out of it that he just should not.


This part is my favorite.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2011, 07:50:34 pm »
I'm glad the fucker is gone.  Death is the only place for him to hide.

You see he told us the horrible truth.  In doing so he opened my eyes to things I never wanted to see and now that I have I can't unsee them.  

It's his fault I can't go back to being a happy little monkey playing with the other monkeys at having a life.

It's his fault I see where everything in this world is going wrong and he encouraged us to find it funny.  So while the rest of the monkeys are carrying on, I'm giggling like a madwoman on meth.  

While we're at it, let's just blame him for Global Warming, the financial collapse of the planet and Justin Beiber.

Damn you Reverend, I know you're somewhere laughing your ass off because you got to ride it to the end and now we're still here on the fucking highway and there is no where for us to hide.

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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #7 on: June 17, 2011, 07:53:41 pm »
I'm glad the fucker is gone.  Death is the only place for him to hide.

You see he told us the horrible truth.  In doing so he opened my eyes to things I never wanted to see and now that I have I can't unsee them.  

It's his fault I can't go back to being a happy little monkey playing with the other monkeys at having a life.

It's his fault I see where everything in this world is going wrong and he encouraged us to find it funny.  So while the rest of the monkeys are carrying on, I'm giggling like a madwoman on meth.  

While we're at it, let's just blame him for Global Warming, the financial collapse of the planet and Justin Beiber.
Damn you Reverend, I know you're somewhere laughing your ass off because you got to ride it to the end and now we're still here on the fucking highway and there is no where for us to hide.

:mittens:
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Pope Pixie Pickle

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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #8 on: June 17, 2011, 08:01:00 pm »
Does this mean that i get the rain Goddess powers back?


Yep.  The miserable bastard has been deliberately fucking with the controls, and now half the world is underwater, and the other half is on fire.

got the powers back too late to save midsummer party, but the rest of the sumer should be ok!

Doktor Howl

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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #9 on: June 17, 2011, 08:04:49 pm »
It occurs to me that within 27 years, there will be 160,000 TGRRs.

Imagine walking into Peoria, Illinois, and EVERYONE there is TGRR, all glaring at you and shouting incomprehensibly.
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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #10 on: June 17, 2011, 08:09:01 pm »
It occurs to me that within 27 years, there will be 160,000 TGRRs.

Imagine walking into Peoria, Illinois, and EVERYONE there is TGRR, all glaring at you and shouting incomprehensibly.

 :argh!:

That is awfully close for comfort.....

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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #11 on: June 17, 2011, 08:10:20 pm »
It occurs to me that within 27 years, there will be 160,000 TGRRs.

Imagine walking into Peoria, Illinois, and EVERYONE there is TGRR, all glaring at you and shouting incomprehensibly.

 :argh!:

That is awfully close for comfort.....

Within 36 years, your city will also be TGRR, as will all of Illinois and the town of Kenosha, WI.
Don't tell me what to fucking do.  In exchange, I will not tell you what to fucking do.  Note that mocking each other's actions is still permissable under this system.

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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #12 on: June 17, 2011, 08:11:20 pm »
It occurs to me that within 27 years, there will be 160,000 TGRRs.

Imagine walking into Peoria, Illinois, and EVERYONE there is TGRR, all glaring at you and shouting incomprehensibly.

 :argh!:

That is awfully close for comfort.....

Within 36 years, your city will also be TGRR, as will all of Illinois and the town of Kenosha, WI.

Fucking figures.  :evilmad:

Eater of Clowns

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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #13 on: June 17, 2011, 08:12:11 pm »
It occurs to me that within 27 years, there will be 160,000 TGRRs.

Imagine walking into Peoria, Illinois, and EVERYONE there is TGRR, all glaring at you and shouting incomprehensibly.

:spittake:
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Re: RIP The Good Reverend Roger
« Reply #14 on: June 17, 2011, 08:12:54 pm »
It occurs to me that within 27 years, there will be 160,000 TGRRs.

Imagine walking into Peoria, Illinois, and EVERYONE there is TGRR, all glaring at you and shouting incomprehensibly.

 :argh!:

That is awfully close for comfort.....

Within 36 years, your city will also be TGRR, as will all of Illinois and the town of Kenosha, WI.

Fucking figures.  :evilmad:

9 years after that, all of North America, Europe, and Belgium.

Epidemiology is really easy if nobody's immune.
Don't tell me what to fucking do.  In exchange, I will not tell you what to fucking do.  Note that mocking each other's actions is still permissable under this system.