Author Topic: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.  (Read 526 times)

Doktor Howl

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ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« on: June 21, 2011, 05:22:55 pm »
#1 OZYCRAPULOUS

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered toilet lies, whose commode
And blasted lid, and veneer of cold and crusted poop
Tell that its sculptor well those movements read
Which yet survive, sloppped on these lifeless things,
The hand that wiped them and the anus that bled.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Doktor Howl, King of Tucson:
Look on my poop, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The loose and level turds stretch far away.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Doktor Howl

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2011, 05:26:20 pm »
#2:  The Horace Smith Version:

In Tucson's filthy silence, all alone,
Stands a gigantic turd, which far off throws
The only shadow that the Desert knows:
"I am great DOKTOR HOWL," carved in the porcelain throne,
"The King of Kings; this mighty shit shows
"The smears upon my hand." The City's gone,
Nought but the turd remaining to disclose
The site of this forgotten water closet.
We wonder, and some Hunter may express
Wonder like ours, when thro' the wilderness
Where Chicago stood, holding the septic tank in place,
He meets some feces huge, and stops to guess
What powerful but unrecorded race
Once shat in that annihilated place.

"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2011, 05:27:25 pm »
 :x Evocative.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”



“All that goodness, with a frozen chicken in the middle.”
― Doktor Howl, 2014

Doktor Howl

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2011, 05:34:38 pm »
:x Evocative.

Tomorrow, I improve Rudyard Kipling.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Idem

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2011, 05:44:31 pm »
 :argh!:

Slyph

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2011, 07:32:13 pm »
Twas Shit and the Shitty Shit did Shit and Shit upon the Shit, all Shitty where the Shits, and the Shitty Shites Outshat.

(not calling this shit, I lailed)

Doktor Howl

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #6 on: June 21, 2011, 08:42:36 pm »
Twas Shit and the Shitty Shit did Shit and Shit upon the Shit, all Shitty where the Shits, and the Shitty Shites Outshat.

(not calling this shit, I lailed)

Joke dead.  I was going to do Kipling by channeling MRH, but this post has killed any desire to do so.
« Last Edit: June 21, 2011, 08:44:18 pm by Doktor Howl »
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Eve

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #7 on: June 21, 2011, 08:49:03 pm »
You offend my poetry-loving sensibilities, sir. :horrormirth:

;) I laughed anyway.
Emotionally crippled narcissist.

Slyph

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #8 on: June 21, 2011, 09:32:30 pm »
Twas Shit and the Shitty Shit did Shit and Shit upon the Shit, all Shitty where the Shits, and the Shitty Shites Outshat.

(not calling this shit, I lailed)

Joke dead.  I was going to do Kipling by channeling MRH, but this post has killed any desire to do so.

Dim Mak motherfucker.

Doktor Howl

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #9 on: June 21, 2011, 09:33:18 pm »
Twas Shit and the Shitty Shit did Shit and Shit upon the Shit, all Shitty where the Shits, and the Shitty Shites Outshat.

(not calling this shit, I lailed)

Joke dead.  I was going to do Kipling by channeling MRH, but this post has killed any desire to do so.

Dim Mak motherfucker.

Sorry, I don't speak Belgian.  Fuck off.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Dysfunctional Cunt

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #10 on: June 21, 2011, 09:42:50 pm »
 :cry:

But I wanted to read the Rudyard Kipling....

rikki tikki tavi....

DAMN you slyph  :argh!:

Doktor Howl

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #11 on: June 21, 2011, 09:45:06 pm »
:cry:

But I wanted to read the Rudyard Kipling....

rikki tikki tavi....

DAMN you slyph  :argh!:

I was gonna do Tommy Atkins and MacDonough's Song.  I still might.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Slyph

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #12 on: June 21, 2011, 09:45:56 pm »
Well, I had a good innings. Cya folks.

Doktor Howl

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #13 on: June 21, 2011, 09:47:52 pm »
Well, I had a good innings.

What does that mean?
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Luna

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Re: ITT, I wreck classic poetry.
« Reply #14 on: June 21, 2011, 09:50:37 pm »
If it means Sylph is trying to stifle creativity around here, somebody needs to be fucked sideways, with a chainsaw.

This was awesome, Dok.
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