US Department of Education
Dear Mr. LMNO;
We are writing you to inform you that it has been brought to our attention that you have been using multiple letters from the Alphabetİ without the proper applications being submitted for approval. These letters, capitol L, capitol M, capitol N and capitol O are not just there for you to toy with as you see fit. These letters are sacred and should be treated as such. Not tossed around on subversive internet sites as if they were common.
These letters sir are subject to the copywrite laws and not only have individual copywrite but group ones as well. To use these letters without the proper approval should be illegal.
As well, we have been made aware of your degenerative behavior and the fact that you play that rock and roll music in public. Not only that, but you have shown a continued play on innuendo in circumstances that are a bit sketchy. The worse however is this Mr. LMNO. We have been told, and sent pictures as evidence, that you Mr. LMNO, are a hipster.
How can you face the children at the local bus stop every morning knowing that you are misrepresenting the sanctity and virtue of our Alphabet İ. Think of the children sir. Think of them learning their letters and the trauma that they will face each time they reach the letter K. Their little faces scrunched in fear and confusion. What if they follow your wayward example and they themselves play that rock and roll or worse, become hipsters? How can you live with yourself is beyond our comprehension.
You will need to complete the following forms in order to use the capitol L, capitol M, capitol N and capitol O. Form 328B-4, Form B-52, Form FU-69, Form JK-9 parts A, B and E. In addition we will need no less than 5 character references stating that you have turned your back on your wicked ways and will represent our capitol L, capitol M, capitol N and capitol O in a manner becoming them.
We are demanding that you cease and desist immediately, if not sooner, the use of our precious capitol L, capitol M, capitol N and capitol O until such time your applications are approved. For the duration we will allow you the use of the little l, little m, little n and little o.
This is a serious matter sir, and we will be keeping tabs on the situation. It is not just everyone who is allowed the use of our capitol L, capitol M, capitol N and capitol O. Remember that.
Geraldine Q. Washerburgensen