Author Topic: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.  (Read 4589 times)

Doktor Howl

  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 337643
  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
    • View Profile
In an effort to preserve the lore of the Late Good Reverend Roger, I will be collecting most of his drug-addled turds of wisdom.  Feel free to contribute, if I miss any.

I'll start with his standardized Ironclad Rules for Thinking for Yourself.

Rules 1-20

1.  Lots of shit happens that you aren't told about.

2.  Everything is funny when it happens to someone else.

3.  It's even funny when it happens to you.

4.  At least half of what you think you know is wrong, to one degree or another. 

5.  When evidence is presented that contradicts your worldview, maybe you should re-examine both the evidence and your worldview.

6.  Everyone is retarded some of the time.  The trick is to be retarded as seldom as is possible.

7.  When the rock hits you, holler.

8.  Jesus might provide.  You should probably take steps of your own, at least until he gets around to you.

9.  There is no such thing as "abuse of freedom".

10.  The Law should be the servant of Freedom.  If it isn't, go all Chainsaw Billy and start over.

11.  If you hate skeptics, you probably have bad ideas.

12.  Bad signal, acted upon by yourself or someone else, causes 50% of all the trouble you run into.

13.  The other 50% is caused by stupidity and bad luck.

14.  If it has to be classified or kept secret, it's wrong.

15.  Cops and other authority figures are interested in cleaning their desk, not in seeing justice done.

16.  Three phrases, when used appropriately can smooth out most altercations:  "I'm sorry", "I was wrong", and "I don't know...Let me check."

17.  Happy marriages are usually based on the ability of both people to say "I love you", when you really want to show them what's what.  This also applies to friendships.

18.  If drink or drugs unwinds the spring in your head, be sure to party alone.

19.  There's an asshole in every crowd.  If you can't tell who the asshole is, it's probably you.

20.  If there's nothing to win, don't fight.
Don't tell me what to fucking do.  In exchange, I will not tell you what to fucking do.  Note that mocking each other's actions is still permissable under this system.

Don Coyote

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 129340
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2011, 06:15:36 pm »
In an effort to preserve the lore of the Late Good Reverend Roger, I will be collecting most of his drug-addled turds of wisdom.  Feel free to contribute, if I miss any.

I'll start with his standardized Ironclad Rules for Thinking for Yourself.

Rules 1-20

1.  Lots of shit happens that you aren't told about.

2.  Everything is funny when it happens to someone else.

3.  It's even funny when it happens to you.

4.  At least half of what you think you know is wrong, to one degree or another. 

5.  When evidence is presented that contradicts your worldview, maybe you should re-examine both the evidence and your worldview.

6.  Everyone is retarded some of the time.  The trick is to be retarded as seldom as is possible.

7.  When the rock hits you, holler.

8.  Jesus might provide.  You should probably take steps of your own, at least until he gets around to you.

9.  There is no such thing as "abuse of freedom".

10.  The Law should be the servant of Freedom.  If it isn't, go all Chainsaw Billy and start over.

11.  If you hate skeptics, you probably have bad ideas.

12.  Bad signal, acted upon by yourself or someone else, causes 50% of all the trouble you run into.

13.  The other 50% is caused by stupidity and bad luck.

14.  If it has to be classified or kept secret, it's wrong.

15.  Cops and other authority figures are interested in cleaning their desk, not in seeing justice done.

16.  Three phrases, when used appropriately can smooth out most altercations:  "I'm sorry", "I was wrong", and "I don't know...Let me check."

17.  Happy marriages are usually based on the ability of both people to say "I love you", when you really want to show them what's what.  This also applies to friendships.

18.  If drink or drugs unwinds the spring in your head, be sure to party alone.

19.  There's an asshole in every crowd.  If you can't tell who the asshole is, it's probably you.

20.  If there's nothing to win, don't fight.

Printing this out.
This spot for rent

Jenne

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 79228
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #2 on: July 27, 2011, 06:16:50 pm »
Although #18 makes me a sad panda, it's ALL TRUE.  ALL SO VERY TRUE.  :mittens:

Half this shit, I had to live to be almost 40 to get.

Luna

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 103253
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2011, 06:19:47 pm »
Print it out?  The next time I get the urge to needlepoint (which could be the sixth of Never), I may start a sampler with some of these.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Doktor Howl

  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 337643
  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2011, 06:34:03 pm »
A Parable, as told by TGRR:

Five blind wise men came upon an elephant.  They were not sure what the elephant was, so they each grabbed part of the elephant, in an attempt to describe it.  The elephant, being an elephant, got pissed off and trampled all the blind wise men to death. 

The moral of this parable is this:  Don't grab dangerous animals.
Don't tell me what to fucking do.  In exchange, I will not tell you what to fucking do.  Note that mocking each other's actions is still permissable under this system.

Doktor Howl

  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 337643
  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2011, 06:40:50 pm »
TGRR came across a wise man in the street.  The wise man said unto TGRR, "Only by eliminating desire can you attain enlightenment".  TGRR did respond, "And what does enlightenment actually do for me?", whereupon the wise man grew angry, and lost his satori.

When asked why he had vexed the wise man so, TGRR replied, "Enlightenment and $2 will get you a cup of coffee at McDonalds."

Don't tell me what to fucking do.  In exchange, I will not tell you what to fucking do.  Note that mocking each other's actions is still permissable under this system.

Freeky Queen of DERP

  • Out of order: Please notify The Mgt.
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 175266
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2011, 06:43:30 pm »
:spittake:

RICE UP MY FUCKING NOSE! FROM THE BACK!
Motorized Clutchless Love Augur of Last Night's Faux Pas

Nigel

  • in my oonlz
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 586274
  • v=1/3πr2h
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2011, 06:47:34 pm »
THIS IS FUCKING RAD. :mittens:
Tiny and Terrible Strap-On Fuckhorde of Tonight's Wrong Turn.

“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

Doktor Howl

  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 337643
  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2011, 07:02:41 pm »
Rules 21-40

21.  You should never act on incomplete information unless you happen to be on fire.

22.  Don't allow your opponent to frame the debate.

23.  Don't allow your opponent to trick you into competing on his terms.

24.  Crapping on your congressman's office steps is 20 times more effective than 1000 letters.  But it can get you arrested, so do it way late at night.

25.  If the rules look impossible, take some time to examine what the rules don't cover.

26.  Being polite costs you nothing, but it can occasionally be fatal.

27.  Artillery always has the right of way.  

28.  Speak softly, and hire a guy with a really big stick.

29.  Slow down and get done faster.

30.  Measure twice, cut once ("I've cut it three times and it's still too fucking short!").

31.  Unless you are paid to validate other peoples' failure, don't.

32.  When considering the tale of the ant and the grasshopper, remember that the grasshopper can always eat the ant.

33.  As information technology improves, people get dumber.  This is established fact.

34.  Rudyard Kipling was right most of the time.

35.  Martin Luther King Jr was more free while in the Birmingham Jail than most people will ever be in their own homes.

36.  It's still better not to be in jail, though.

37.  The only defense against fascism is laughter.  Or a big army.  Try the first, but rely on the second.

38.  90% of people will do whatever the fuck they're told to do by a police officer, no matter how silly or inappropriate.

39.  "Getting a friend's attention" by shitting on them gets you the attention, but not the friend.

40.  Making enemies for no reason is stupid.  Don't be stupid.
Don't tell me what to fucking do.  In exchange, I will not tell you what to fucking do.  Note that mocking each other's actions is still permissable under this system.

Cramulus

  • Mods
  • Deserved It
  • ***
  • Posts: 127982
    • View Profile
    • Cramul.us
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2011, 07:15:05 pm »
:mittens: a handy reference

Agree with every single one. I especially love #9 -- there's no such thing as "Abuse of Freedom".

Can you elaborate on #14? "If it has to be classified or kept secret, it's wrong"

Doktor Howl

  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 337643
  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2011, 07:21:04 pm »
:mittens: a handy reference

Agree with every single one. I especially love #9 -- there's no such thing as "Abuse of Freedom".

Can you elaborate on #14? "If it has to be classified or kept secret, it's wrong"

Ever see someone make a big secret out of something they're proud of doing? 

At the goverment level, they say "National Security" which, roughly translated, means "Shut up and sit down."

If they weren't up to some fishy shit, they wouldn't say that.
Don't tell me what to fucking do.  In exchange, I will not tell you what to fucking do.  Note that mocking each other's actions is still permissable under this system.

Jenne

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 79228
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2011, 08:06:24 pm »
Quote
34.  Rudyard Kipling was right most of the time.

:x

Love the extended version!

Triple Zero

  • DO NOT ABUSE EXCEPT FOR URGENT FURNITURE MOVING EMERGENCIES
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 80835
  • Horrible and Sexy Queen of Cheese
    • View Profile
    • Random BIP
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #12 on: July 28, 2011, 12:22:38 am »
I don't understand #8, but I absolutely 169% agree with and love #16 :)
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Jenne

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 79228
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #13 on: July 28, 2011, 12:46:07 am »
@Trip: there's a sentiment amongst the "holy" Jebus-followers that "God will provide." this is a certain lackadaisicality that breeds enormously to little good effect here in US and A

*GrumpButt*

  • Outlandish
  • ***
  • Posts: 9924
  • Glorious Sinner of Contagion
    • View Profile
Re: The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.
« Reply #14 on: July 28, 2011, 03:06:19 am »
Printed :P
*sigh* You have to be kidding me.