The TGRR Rules, Adages, and Redman-esque Advice for Humans.

[Triple Zero]

Oh I don't generally play for free, but there have been a few rare occasions where my friends really didn't want to do anything else so I weighed off the certainty of losing my buy-in (about $3.50) versus hanging around a bit more and having some fun. Fun being, pushing chips around until they're gone, maybe fucking someone over because the money's lost anyway.

Usually I decide to spend it on beer instead. ($3.50 equals about two pilsners at that place)

I never really saw the appeal of poker, though. As far as I understand, even if you're strictly smarter than the other people, if they have a littlebit of skill (aka much better than me), you're still going to play a very long time to come out ahead on average? My experience is, you (obviously) hardly ever get the awesome hands they get in the movies, and the whole pokerface/bluffing thing is quite oversold as well.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Oh I don't generally play for free, but there have been a few rare occasions where my friends really didn't want to do anything else so I weighed off the certainty of losing my buy-in (about $3.50) versus hanging around a bit more and having some fun. Fun being, pushing chips around until they're gone, maybe fucking someone over because the money's lost anyway.

Usually I decide to spend it on beer instead. ($3.50 equals about two pilsners at that place)

I never really saw the appeal of poker, though. As far as I understand, even if you're strictly smarter than the other people, if they have a littlebit of skill (aka much better than me), you're still going to play a very long time to come out ahead on average? My experience is, you (obviously) hardly ever get the awesome hands they get in the movies, and the whole pokerface/bluffing thing is quite oversold as well.

Balls.  The entire game is based on bluffing, and in keeping track of probabilities to see if the other guy is bluffing.

[Triple Zero]

Okay I probably underestimated the bluffing aspect then, as you need a good sense of the probabilities to use it, or even notice it.

Sounds like I should build a Monte Carlo simulation of Texas Holdem and figure out how the probabilities go, then

(indeed named after the casino, a simulation technique that roughly involves doing millions of random trials and counting them)

[LMNO, PhD (life continues)]

If you want to skip that part, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_poker_hands has the probabilities.

[M. Nigel Salt]

I like this installment.

[Triple Zero]

If you want to skip that part, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_poker_hands has the probabilities.

Thanks Less fun that way though: I'm a really odd gamer, I tend to enjoy "cracking" or subverting the rules a lot more than actually playing.

If you know the probabilities by heart though, does that tell you exactly how to play? When to fold, etc? It also depends on the other player's actions until now, right?

But it's a good reference anyway because I don't quite exactly recall which hands are worth more than others either.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

If you want to skip that part, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_poker_hands has the probabilities.

Thanks Less fun that way though: I'm a really odd gamer, I tend to enjoy "cracking" or subverting the rules a lot more than actually playing.

Around here, that gets the big BWYD.

[Triple Zero]

Checked your Devil's Dictionary and Urban Dictionary, coming up with nothing. But it sounds bad.

It's my hacker genes, sorry?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Checked your Devil's Dictionary and Urban Dictionary, coming up with nothing. But it sounds bad.

It's my hacker genes, sorry?

*BANG*  WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

(Shoot first, then ask silly questions.)

[Triple Zero]

Well that's a good reason why 1) not playing for big money [i'd just lose it anyhow] and 2) cracking a game doesn't even require playing it and subverting is only funny once (which means I can wait for an opportunity with a bit more forgiving buddies )

[Luna]

Never, ever bet (or loan) what you can't afford to and aren't willing to give away.

[NoLeDeMiel]

69.  Never draw on an inside straight.

...Unless you're playing for a long term payout against a really serious, super knowledgeable, highly superior player. In which case, do it when you can afford it, because one of those 13 or so times you're gonna hit it, and then when you show, and Mr. Poker sees that you drew on an inside straight and hit it, that summabitch is gonna erupt like Vesuvius and spit fire, destruction, and chips (mainly chips...mountains of chips) all over your sorry donk ass. Piss them off good enough and it could take a month or two at a weekly game before they get tired of losing to people so far below their skill level and go find a game worthy of an elite player.

Oh...and also, unless you're playing against me...in which case ALWAYS draw on an inside straight.

[Payne]

Oh I don't generally play for free, but there have been a few rare occasions where my friends really didn't want to do anything else so I weighed off the certainty of losing my buy-in (about $3.50) versus hanging around a bit more and having some fun. Fun being, pushing chips around until they're gone, maybe fucking someone over because the money's lost anyway.

Usually I decide to spend it on beer instead. ($3.50 equals about two pilsners at that place)

I never really saw the appeal of poker, though. As far as I understand, even if you're strictly smarter than the other people, if they have a littlebit of skill (aka much better than me), you're still going to play a very long time to come out ahead on average? My experience is, you (obviously) hardly ever get the awesome hands they get in the movies, and the whole pokerface/bluffing thing is quite oversold as well.

Balls.  The entire game is based on bluffing, and in keeping track of probabilities to see if the other guy is bluffing.

Poker is an intriguing game. But how it's shown on TV and presented in the media is very much "Wrestling! WITH CARDS!". Crazy outfits, big talk and odd rivalries permeate the late night shows on TV here, at least, and I assume over in the States too (a lot of our programming originates there). It's crazy fabulous, but it does seem to stop me from properly wrapping my head around it. What happens if I end up like one of them?

It's odd that I should think like this maybe, that I should put so much emphasis on not wanting to wear a silly hat on TV is what is stopping me from learning the game properly. But screw it, the ways of The Messiah are mysterious.

[Xicked]

If you want to skip that part, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_poker_hands has the probabilities.

Thanks Less fun that way though: I'm a really odd gamer, I tend to enjoy "cracking" or subverting the rules a lot more than actually playing.

If you know the probabilities by heart though, does that tell you exactly how to play? When to fold, etc? It also depends on the other player's actions until now, right?

But it's a good reference anyway because I don't quite exactly recall which hands are worth more than others either.

Knowing probabilities can help you to make the best mathematical decisions (which over the long run will result in profit) but making the most profitable decisions (and stroking your ego as the greatest poker player in the universe) often depends on your knowledge of the other player.  You may have a low probability of hitting your hand, but what are the odds of that particular opponent paying you off if you do hit, and are you getting the right price to take this chance?  How can you use his perception of you against him and make him fold what is probably a better hand?  So many variables come into play with different types of players and can result in a beautifully complex game.  With highly skilled players the cards often don't even matter... they play their opponent; not the cards.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

"If you beat your sword into a plowshare, you will end up plowing the fields of those who kept their swords."
- Anonymous