Author Topic: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.  (Read 649 times)

Cuddlefish

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Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« on: August 02, 2011, 01:37:13 am »

Quote from: dimo
   Three villagers sat in the center square, and began a discussion of the sudden realization that they were surrounded by Fucked Up Shit.

   “This Shit here is all Fucked Up!” said Gift-For-The-Obvious. “Just look! What a mess!” he proclaimed with hands in the air, akimbo.

   “Somebody ought to clean this all up, right now! All this Fucked Up Shit is violating my personal rights, and getting in my way!” said False-Sense-Of-Entitlement.

   “I agree,” said Supporting-The-Status-Quo, sternly, “we must find who’s to Blame for all of this Fucked Up Shit! That will give us a solution!”

   And, thus, the debate had began. Where to place the blame? How shall it be assigned, divided, and dealt? Should it be awarded to a person? A place? A thing? Could we not just blame it on the rain like Milli Vanilli, and be done with it?  The difficulties of the task of Blame Management were slowly becoming apparent to Gift-For-The-Obvious, False-Sense-Of-Entitlement and Supporting-The-Status-Quo.

   Hours become like days in moments of intensity, and none of the villagers could tell how much time had passed since the beginning of their quarrel. A small eternity? A momentary infinity? And as the smudges of time began to paint a picture, the three villagers were each beginning to see a different image.

   False-Sense-of-Entitlement felt that Supporting-The-Status-Quo was to Blame for all the Fucked Up Shit. Supporting-The-Status-Quo blamed all the Fucked Up Shit on Gift-For-The-Obvious. Gift-For-The-Obvious was pretty sure they were both dead-wrong. There, they came to an impasse. 

   At that very moment, a traveler named Won’t-Eat-The-Menu passed by the three villagers, and couldn’t help but to over hear their debate.

   “Look here!” said Won‘t-Eat-The-Menu, “I think I can help you. Why not place all the blame on me? I’m leaving town shortly, so with me gone, you three can get on with your lives.”

   Gift-For-The-Obvious, False-Sense-Of-Entitlement and Supporting-The-Status-Quo looked at each other with shifty eyes, sensing a way out of their mess. They began to whisper among themselves.

   “What a burden to bear! It will crush him!” whispered Gift-For-The-Obvious to his two companions.

   “”Surely, we should drop all of the Blame on this unsuspecting traveler, lest we carry it ourselves!” False-Sense-Of-Entitlement proclaimed.

   “Indeed!” agreed Supporting-The-Status-Quo, “So, it is done! We shall place the blame on this traveler, by his request.” They turned to the young man, “Young traveler, we shall grant your request. You are officially to Blame for all this Fucked Up Shit! Thank you for your help, now, kindly, GET THE FUCK OUT!”

   Won’t-Eat-The-Menu nodded, gathered his packs, and walked off carrying the ultimate burden, light as free air.

   The three villagers, pleased with their trickery snickered and sneered.

   “How utterly stupid!” laughed Gift-For-The-Obvious.

   “I can’t believe that spag took all the Blame! What an asshat!” chortled False-Sense-Of-Entitlement.

   “I know, right? What a maroon!” agreed Supporting-The-Status-Quo.

   And the three villagers laughed at the travelers apparent stupidity, and it took a full two and a half hours for them to realize that, despite the issue of Blame being resolved, all the Fucked Up Shit remained.
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Eve

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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2011, 02:19:16 am »
Hey, I remember this! Still like it.
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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2011, 07:20:47 am »
I don't remember it, but totally like it.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2011, 09:55:28 am »
So true.
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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2011, 10:22:25 am »
I quickly scrolled down the page so I didn't accidentally read it.
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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2011, 01:40:12 pm »
:mittens:
"Man, there's nothin' to do in this stupid town rope swing's busted, stinking cops always kicking me out of the park manager of the 7-11 always says "get off my curb you good for nothing" all the girls already know I'm a bad kisser so they don't come anywhere near me I don't know how many times I've been to TGIF a kid can eat an onion bloom only so many times bowling's boring, the skating rink's been taken over by 12 year olds there ain't no good movies out, blockbuster never has any good games in I don't want to play Bombad Racing, I mean what the heck is that? I'm sick of all my records and every time I walk into a record store, I forget what I want to get and their ain't nothing on TV, not a stupid thing! There ain't nothing to do 'cept take naps and wait patiently for death!"
- Brak

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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2011, 02:26:54 pm »
Okay so I read it, and I love it!

also, that one character that got the blame for everything, he reminds me of a certain someone during a certain weekend ... :)
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Jenne

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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2011, 04:07:12 pm »
Wish I could say I remember this--but it's awesome and :mittens:

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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2011, 08:30:01 pm »
I don't remember it, but totally like it.

That's actually comforting, because it sure would be weird if you had been at the Memorial Day Meatup and none of us remembered. :p


I remember this too. Good stuff.

Cuddlefish

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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2011, 10:08:22 pm »
I don't remember it, but totally like it.

That's actually comforting, because it sure would be weird if you had been at the Memorial Day Meatup and none of us remembered. :p


I remember this too. Good stuff.

For those of you that were at the meatup, The meatup issue of intemittens will be done... eventually. I'm actually still waiting on a peice or two and some other stuff. I just wanted to put this up because I wanted Dingo to be able to read it for his IM presents thing.

Also, thanks to those who dig.
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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #10 on: August 03, 2011, 06:25:00 am »
:mittens:
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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #11 on: August 05, 2011, 07:14:18 am »
It's vaguely familiar. And awesome. :mittens:
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iarmit

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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #12 on: August 17, 2011, 04:32:57 pm »
still not too certain what :mittens: mean, but i think i concur  :)

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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #13 on: August 17, 2011, 04:35:55 pm »
Nice!!!

:mittens:

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Re: Don't read this. Don't. No. Stop it. Stop.
« Reply #14 on: August 17, 2011, 07:11:31 pm »
still not too certain what :mittens: mean, but i think i concur  :)

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