For you new people, Iason was an evil man that used to post here before Indianpolis got nuked.
He made a xylophone from live kittens and played it with a taser. He shot gerbils into traffic with a PVC potato gun. He blackmailed Mayor Walkup into choking skeeter in public on Congress Street. He strangled Oakland (this is not an obscure sports reference). He invented "reverse obstetrics". He convinced Rick Perry to run for president.
He was a friend of mine and a colleague, but I have to say that the government did the right thing.
Society must be protected.
I love it when you do that.
What, tell the horrible truth about Iason?
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"