Author Topic: ParliGASM  (Read 591 times)

Demolition_Squid

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 3551
  • Bank?! OH SHIIIIIIIIT!
    • View Profile
ParliGASM
« on: September 13, 2011, 07:48:05 am »
So, I had an idea on the way into work this morning - one of my jobs has been to handle mass emails to our clients. Why not put that to better use?

I'm going to send a template email to every MP, and I'll post the responses I get here. I think the chances of the email actually reaching most of them will be fairly minimal, but you don't really know until you try. Worst case scenario, wasted a couple of hours. Best case scenario, I find an MP who is worth a damn.  :D

I've signed up for the hotmail account PoliticalYouth@hotmail.com. My working template is:

Dear (Name)

I am 22 years old, and me and my friends are worried about the state of the country today. We feel that we have been robbed by the banks with the help of the government. We watched the G20 protests and saw peaceful protesters beaten down. We read about the police outright killing innocent people and not a single officer held accountable (we started reading about the IPCC after the riots, very disturbing). And we feel that the coalition government is determined to paint us - the 'youth of today' - as the root of the problem. We are told that we are 'sick', and this rhetoric seems to be used to justify hurting us - turfing families out of council housing, and sending people like us who have 'gone too far' to prison for long periods of time for crimes as vile as stealing a bottle of drink.

My friends have lost faith in the political system. They don't think that anything can be changed. They believe that the banks will rob us again, that (no offence) politicians are only interested in lining their pockets, and they have no way to make their voices heard. I would like to believe they are wrong.

Could you please tell me what you would recommend we do? If you could tell me how you, personally, are helping to make the system for us rather than against us, that would help as well. We feel powerless to stop the crazy situation our country is in, and though we'd like to live in a better place, we have no idea how to get there.

Thank you,

-Political Youth.


Any comments/ideas/advice would be appreciated. I'll post any responses I get in this thread. Going to aim to put the spreadsheet for the MPs together tonight (approx. 11 hours from now) and send it out shortly after.
Truly, though our element is time,
We are not suited to the long perspectives
Open at each instant of our lives.
They link us to our losses: worse,
They show us what we have as it once was,
Blindingly undiminished, just as though
By acting differently, we could have kept it so.

-Reference Back, Phillip Larkin

Telarus

  • Fictional Ego
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 11858
  • Ratcheting Metallic Sex Doll of The End Times
    • View Profile
Re: ParliGASM
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2011, 08:01:54 am »
Interesting way to re-frame the rhetoric and shove it in their faces. Seeing responses would be cool.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2011, 06:19:05 pm by Telarus »
Telarus, KSC,
.__.  Keeper of the Contradictory Cephalopod, Zenarchist Swordsman,
(0o)  Tender to the Edible Zen Garden, Ratcheting Metallic Sex Doll of The End Times,
/||\   Episkopos of the Amorphous Dreams Cabal

Join the Doll Underground! Experience the Phantasmagorical Safari!

Placid Dingo

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 27259
    • View Profile
    • Me!
Re: ParliGASM
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2011, 01:56:01 pm »
Cool idea.
If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

Triple Zero

  • DO NOT ABUSE EXCEPT FOR URGENT FURNITURE MOVING EMERGENCIES
  • One-Armed Jizz Moppers
  • Deserved It
  • **
  • Posts: 80835
  • Horrible and Sexy Queen of Cheese
    • View Profile
    • Random BIP
Re: ParliGASM
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2011, 03:03:17 pm »
I like it!!
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Cain

  • Chekha
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 96257
    • View Profile
Re: ParliGASM
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2011, 03:21:24 pm »
I predict if Norman Baker responds, it will be a very interesting response.

Demolition_Squid

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 3551
  • Bank?! OH SHIIIIIIIIT!
    • View Profile
Re: ParliGASM
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2011, 07:25:26 pm »
Underestimated how long it is taking to put together this spreadsheet  :eek:

I'm up to 130/650. May take a couple of days.

Of course, when it is done, I'll have a spreadsheet for mass emailing the entire (current) UK parliament, with the possible exception of the Prime Minister.

If anyone might have a use for such a thing, drop me a PM and I can email it to you.
Truly, though our element is time,
We are not suited to the long perspectives
Open at each instant of our lives.
They link us to our losses: worse,
They show us what we have as it once was,
Blindingly undiminished, just as though
By acting differently, we could have kept it so.

-Reference Back, Phillip Larkin

BadBeast

  • BadBeast so totally fucking
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 85482
  • Prefect Priapicus Fukmuk, Lord of the opening I
    • View Profile
Re: ParliGASM
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2011, 07:30:37 pm »
I like the idea, and it's perfectly presented. However, the person you are sending it to more than likely doesn't give a flying fart about trying to reassure young political youth. I predict that he'll do no more than sneer before sending your email to his trash box. It would be nice if I'm wrong, and he responds like a human being, addresses the issues you present in a considered, and thoughtful, reply, but somehow I'm not too optimistic about that.  
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconnaisance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul"


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

Demolition_Squid

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 3551
  • Bank?! OH SHIIIIIIIIT!
    • View Profile
Re: ParliGASM
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2011, 07:38:58 pm »
I predict that the responses I get will be from the offices, and they will largely be form email responses. I can't imagine that I'll get many personalized responses. They'll probably only be read by assistants.

But, there are 650 MPs, and some of them represent very small constituencies who have less demands on their time. Of the ones that represent larger places, there's always a chance that it'll get passed up the line. In contested constituencies I can particularly imagine that they will want to jump on *anything* that seems like it might bring them a few votes - thus why I'm coming in essentially asking to be converted.

If I get a 1/100 personal response, that'll be 6 responses that come from an honest-to-god MP who read the email.
Truly, though our element is time,
We are not suited to the long perspectives
Open at each instant of our lives.
They link us to our losses: worse,
They show us what we have as it once was,
Blindingly undiminished, just as though
By acting differently, we could have kept it so.

-Reference Back, Phillip Larkin

Doktor Howl

  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 337643
  • MECHANICALLY SEPARATED MEAT HOLE
    • View Profile
Re: ParliGASM
« Reply #8 on: September 13, 2011, 07:40:50 pm »
I predict that the responses I get will be from the offices, and they will largely be form email responses. I can't imagine that I'll get many personalized responses. They'll probably only be read by assistants.

But, there are 650 MPs, and some of them represent very small constituencies who have less demands on their time. Of the ones that represent larger places, there's always a chance that it'll get passed up the line. In contested constituencies I can particularly imagine that they will want to jump on *anything* that seems like it might bring them a few votes - thus why I'm coming in essentially asking to be converted.

If I get a 1/100 personal response, that'll be 6 responses that come from an honest-to-god MP who read the email.


Also...At least here in the states, the staffers are the ones who actually form the agendas.   If you can coopt a staffer, you've coopted the representative.
Don't tell me what to fucking do.  In exchange, I will not tell you what to fucking do.  Note that mocking each other's actions is still permissable under this system.

Demolition_Squid

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 3551
  • Bank?! OH SHIIIIIIIIT!
    • View Profile
Re: ParliGASM
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2011, 08:30:09 am »
Just a note - still plugging away at this when I have time.

The site I have for their email addresses comes with a photo of them.

These. People. Are. Horrifying.  :eek:

The half that don't look soulless and dead, as though moulded into the sharp suits they wear, are pasty and ... hungry. You can see it in their eyes; these are men and women who would gnaw off their own arm if it would get them closer to power.

I'm approximately halfway through the list now. I pray that I don't descend into Lovecraftian madness by the time I'm done.  :scared:
Truly, though our element is time,
We are not suited to the long perspectives
Open at each instant of our lives.
They link us to our losses: worse,
They show us what we have as it once was,
Blindingly undiminished, just as though
By acting differently, we could have kept it so.

-Reference Back, Phillip Larkin