Discordianism in one sentence:

[El Twid]

In b4 anti-trix mob mentality takes hold and paints me as a deluded retarded attention whore drug addict hippy with assburgers.

Nah, you just sound like the typical naive, wide-eyed college student. 

You'll grow out of it. 

And then he can be an embittered old fuck like me.

And thus, another generation passes on the torch of GIT OFF MA LAWN!

Is thirty old enough for that? Cuz I'm itching to use it.

Take this simple test:  You see a teenager wearing a shirt for an emo band.  You say what?

Probably something like, "ARRRGGHHHH!!! FUCKING EMO KIDS!

You still have a ways to go, I'm afraid.  That merits at least 3 paragraphs, and two mentions of "why, in MY day...".

Hmmm. That might be within the next 2 years. I'm feeling inordinately nostalgic about the time period between 1993-1997

[Doktor Howl]

In b4 anti-trix mob mentality takes hold and paints me as a deluded retarded attention whore drug addict hippy with assburgers.

Nah, you just sound like the typical naive, wide-eyed college student. 

You'll grow out of it. 

And then he can be an embittered old fuck like me.

And thus, another generation passes on the torch of GIT OFF MA LAWN!

Is thirty old enough for that? Cuz I'm itching to use it.

Take this simple test:  You see a teenager wearing a shirt for an emo band.  You say what?

Probably something like, "ARRRGGHHHH!!! FUCKING EMO KIDS!

You still have a ways to go, I'm afraid.  That merits at least 3 paragraphs, and two mentions of "why, in MY day...".

Hmmm. That might be within the next 2 years. I'm feeling inordinately nostalgic about the time period between 1993-1997

Not me.  I was in the army at that time.   

[M. Nigel Salt]

nah, by "walkway" i mean the smoking bridge, which is more than large enough for plenty of people to get by.  The point is the administration of the school already doesn't like that students found a spot to smoke on campus, and that the spot has become the social center of the campus, and that the sack kickers are the most popular group.

Oh look, rude brats who think they're special!

I said we were special?

Oh look, jumping to conclusions based on a tiny bit of second-hand information.

Highlighted for derp.

[M. Nigel Salt]

nah, by "walkway" i mean the smoking bridge, which is more than large enough for plenty of people to get by.  The point is the administration of the school already doesn't like that students found a spot to smoke on campus, and that the spot has become the social center of the campus, and that the sack kickers are the most popular group.

My rant gland just cramped the fuck up.  Seriously.  My neck is now at an odd angle, and my right leg is convulsing.

Would you like to know more?

YES PLEASE!

Dok, your rants, even* the ones targeted at me, are the nectar that keeps my blood pumping.

* - By even, I of course mean especially

Okay, first you say "Bonus points for kicking people on the busiest walkway on campus between classes", then you say "We're REVOLUTIONARIES fighting for THE PEOPLE" by being THE MOST POPULAR GROUP.

The first part was just a joke, and hasn't actually happened.

The second part, despite that you put quotes on it, I did NOT say.  I made a tongue-in-cheek reference to sticking it to the man, sure, but I didn't really mean it how you guys seem to be taking it.  I didn't think I'd have to defend a random comment, but I'm bored so okay sure.  We play hackey sack because we like to play hackey sack.  That's really it.  We crack jokes, have fun, kick a bean bag around.  I don't really see us as accomplishing any sort of larger goal when we play hackey sack for 20 minutes a day, and I'm a little surprised that you satire experts
 would take that that way.  By "administration" I actually meant the one campus security guard that gives us shit sometimes, as the rest don't care.  This is a guy who takes his job way too seriously, and thinks we are the evil and he is a superhero, so we like to fuck with him and be the villains he so badly wants someone to be.  But mostly we just dick around and play hackey sack for 20 minutes at lunch.  No more, no less.   Not really enough of an event to warrant so much discord, but being PD I guess it's inevitable.

Not sure how that works.

What I AM sure of is that at least SOME of those people are on their way to their classes, where they hope to get, you know, an education, and here you are, trying to kick them, because wasting your time at school playing hackey sack during the school day is going to BRING THE SYSTEM DOWN!

Way to STICK IT TO THE MAN, Trix!  I'm sure the proctors and department heads sit around the board room table, shouting at each other to find a way to stop your JUGGERNAUT OF RADICALISM before you TOPPLE THE ENTRENCHED POWER STRUCTURE.  

Besides the part above where I explained that we don't actually try to kick people, which I now regret the joke which clearly rubbed you the wrong way, I'd also like to reiterate that we usually only play for 20 minutes during lunch, and when people actually walk through to get to class, so do we.  Because, well, we are students too.  Add to that the fact that I already mentioned the bridge where we play is more than big enough for us to play AND students to walk by comfortably.  Unlike the social groups in the indoor hallways that will stop dead center to talk about their facebook status or whatever and actually DO interrupt the flow of traffic through congested hallways.

For a place with so much satire and humor, you folks sure do take a lot of what I say very seriously.

Beats going to comparitive lit or macro-economics or whatever classes you're taking, I suppose.

And when you finally flunk out, or score an average too low to warrant gainful employment, you can hang out in hipster glasses with people who gradually become younger and younger with respect to yourself, as some sort of self-appointed guru, until you finally wake up screaming in horror and kill yourself by trying to swallow your hackey sack.

You know those pathetic 40-somethings, still hiring out to tutor freshmen at Denny's?  Take a good, long look...And despair.

I could respond here defensively by pointing out my actual grades, my difficult major, or my interesting hobbies, but really, you seem to have a picture that you really want to paint of me, based on a few random comments about hackey sack, and who am I to get in the way of your fun?

In b4 anti-trix mob mentality takes hold and paints me as a deluded retarded attention whore drug addict hippy with assburgers.

tl;dr. Short version: "boring brats who think they're special".

[trix]

tl;dr. Short version: "boring brats who think they're special".

Oh look, jumping to conclusions based on a tiny bit of second-hand information.

[six to the quixotic]

In b4 anti-trix mob mentality takes hold and paints me as a deluded retarded attention whore drug addict hippy with assburgers.

Nah, you just sound like the typical naive, wide-eyed college student. 

You'll grow out of it. 

And then he can be an embittered old fuck like me.

And thus, another generation passes on the torch of GIT OFF MA LAWN!

Is thirty old enough for that? Cuz I'm itching to use it.

Take this simple test:  You see a teenager wearing a shirt for an emo band.  You say what?

And I am reminded of the night I came home, when I was in college so I was in my early 20s as opposed to my mid 20s , and there were emos or punks or something on my lawn and front stoop. I think I growled and howled obscenities at them until someone suggested they all left my lawn.

[Freeky Queen of DERP]

In b4 anti-trix mob mentality takes hold and paints me as a deluded retarded attention whore drug addict hippy with assburgers.

Nah, you just sound like the typical naive, wide-eyed college student. 

You'll grow out of it. 

And then he can be an embittered old fuck like me.

And thus, another generation passes on the torch of GIT OFF MA LAWN!

Is thirty old enough for that? Cuz I'm itching to use it.

Take this simple test:  You see a teenager wearing a shirt for an emo band.  You say what?

I presonally would say, "What the fuck is wrong with your stupid ass?  Have you even SEEN what Falling In Reverse looks like?  For fuck's sake, they ALL have died their hair black, even the guy who's natural hair color is probably black, they ALL wear black dress shirts with white or red ties and skinny jeans (and what the fuck is up with that anyways? When I was in highschool nobody wore skinny jeans because they were and still are retarded), they've got their faces all pierced up, which is fine for some people but their frontman can't even pull it off, tattoos up the yin-yang (yeah THOSE are gonna be attractive in ten years' time, because they're thirty years old if they're a day, and what is it even with FUCKING THIRTY YEAR OLD MEN DRESSING UP LIKE TEENAGERS AND SINGING SONGS THAT ONLY APPEAL TO TEENAGERS AND THEN THEY GET THE TEENAGE GIRLS ALL HOT AND BOTHERED FUCKING GROSS) and I forgot my point, but good god, take some pride in yourself, and if you like them at all keep that shit a secret."

[Kurt Christ]

I was aiming for the greyface, but seem to have missed and hit the Dok in the nutsack.  I'm dreadfully sorry, Dok.  I'm working to improve my aim, I promise!

Hey, I *ASKED* if you wanted to hear more.  You said that in fact you did, even if it was at your expense.

Now you're implying that I'm butthurt?   

You college kids...you get all the best drugs.

That is true, I did ask for it.

You'd think, with the incredible amount of lurking I've done and Dok rants I've read, that I'd know better than to ask Dok for it, but I guess I have a bit of a masochist impulse.

This is likely the same impulse that pushes me to tune in to the "news" stations now and again.  Or to read posts made by GIGGLES.

Take back your libelous implications, you provincial cur.
GIGGLES is the absolute pinnacle of wit, class, and sophistication. We all hope to someday live up to his high caliber of writing.

[Alty]

In b4 anti-trix mob mentality takes hold and paints me as a deluded retarded attention whore drug addict hippy with assburgers.

Nah, you just sound like the typical naive, wide-eyed college student. 

You'll grow out of it. 

And then he can be an embittered old fuck like me.

And thus, another generation passes on the torch of GIT OFF MA LAWN!

Is thirty old enough for that? Cuz I'm itching to use it.

Take this simple test:  You see a teenager wearing a shirt for an emo band.  You say what?

I presonally would say, "What the fuck is wrong with your stupid ass?  Have you even SEEN what Falling In Reverse looks like?  For fuck's sake, they ALL have died their hair black, even the guy who's natural hair color is probably black, they ALL wear black dress shirts with white or red ties and skinny jeans (and what the fuck is up with that anyways? When I was in highschool nobody wore skinny jeans because they were and still are retarded), they've got their faces all pierced up, which is fine for some people but their frontman can't even pull it off, tattoos up the yin-yang (yeah THOSE are gonna be attractive in ten years' time, because they're thirty years old if they're a day, and what is it even with FUCKING THIRTY YEAR OLD MEN DRESSING UP LIKE TEENAGERS AND SINGING SONGS THAT ONLY APPEAL TO TEENAGERS AND THEN THEY GET THE TEENAGE GIRLS ALL HOT AND BOTHERED FUCKING GROSS) and I forgot my point, but good god, take some pride in yourself, and if you like them at all keep that shit a secret."

That's pretty good.

I would simply shout:
GIT OFF MAH LAWN!!!
so loud into his/her face that he/she would have no choice but to take it off, fold it up, and eat it to stop the vibrations.

But we don't have emo kids up here. They just shrivel up and die. No, we do have a lot of hippies though.

[M. Nigel Salt]

tl;dr. Short version: "boring brats who think they're special".

Oh look, jumping to conclusions based on a tiny bit of second-hand information.

Secondhand information that who thought was brilliant and interesting and special enough to post?

Oh. That's right.

[M. Nigel Salt]

In b4 anti-trix mob mentality takes hold and paints me as a deluded retarded attention whore drug addict hippy with assburgers.

Nah, you just sound like the typical naive, wide-eyed college student. 

You'll grow out of it. 

And then he can be an embittered old fuck like me.

And thus, another generation passes on the torch of GIT OFF MA LAWN!

Is thirty old enough for that? Cuz I'm itching to use it.

Take this simple test:  You see a teenager wearing a shirt for an emo band.  You say what?

And I am reminded of the night I came home, when I was in college so I was in my early 20s as opposed to my mid 20s , and there were emos or punks or something on my lawn and front stoop. I think I growled and howled obscenities at them until someone suggested they all left my lawn.

That's when you bust out the hose.

[Triple Zero]

[M. Nigel Salt]

 

[Freeky Queen of DERP]

In b4 anti-trix mob mentality takes hold and paints me as a deluded retarded attention whore drug addict hippy with assburgers.

Nah, you just sound like the typical naive, wide-eyed college student.  

You'll grow out of it.  

And then he can be an embittered old fuck like me.

And thus, another generation passes on the torch of GIT OFF MA LAWN!

Is thirty old enough for that? Cuz I'm itching to use it.

Take this simple test:  You see a teenager wearing a shirt for an emo band.  You say what?

I presonally would say, "What the fuck is wrong with your stupid ass?  Have you even SEEN what Falling In Reverse looks like?  For fuck's sake, they ALL have died their hair black, even the guy who's natural hair color is probably black, they ALL wear black dress shirts with white or red ties and skinny jeans (and what the fuck is up with that anyways? When I was in highschool nobody wore skinny jeans because they were and still are retarded), they've got their faces all pierced up, which is fine for some people but their frontman can't even pull it off, tattoos up the yin-yang (yeah THOSE are gonna be attractive in ten years' time, because they're thirty years old if they're a day, and what is it even with FUCKING THIRTY YEAR OLD MEN DRESSING UP LIKE TEENAGERS AND SINGING SONGS THAT ONLY APPEAL TO TEENAGERS AND THEN THEY GET THE TEENAGE GIRLS ALL HOT AND BOTHERED FUCKING GROSS) and I forgot my point, but good god, take some pride in yourself, and if you like them at all keep that shit a secret."

That's pretty good.

I would simply shout:
GIT OFF MAH LAWN!!!
so loud into his/her face that he/she would have no choice but to take it off, fold it up, and eat it to stop the vibrations.

But we don't have emo kids up here. They just shrivel up and die. No, we do have a lot of hippies though.

I just want to know if I can apply for the position of crotchety old guy now.  I am very precocious when it comes to GIT FF MAH LAWN.

Also,

[trix]

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE!?

I'm reporting you to the FBI.  As a hacker, terrorist, and, just to make sure they bring out the big guns, MUSIC PIRATE!!!