Author Topic: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V  (Read 2575 times)

N E T

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #15 on: December 01, 2011, 01:36:21 am »
The "I've never seen the show" posts are making me  :cry:.

While I was supposed to be watching classic television shows as a kid, I was writing to a local zoologist asking for pointers on keeping a wolf spider as a pet, perfecting the art of throwing ants at girls without harming the insect, and spending long hours at the surrounding creeks poking crayfish with sticks.

I hardly ever got to watch TV when I was young and by the time I was allowed to, I wasn't interested.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #16 on: December 01, 2011, 01:44:07 am »
The "I've never seen the show" posts are making me  :cry:.

While I was supposed to be watching classic television shows as a kid, I was writing to a local zoologist asking for pointers on keeping a wolf spider as a pet, perfecting the art of throwing ants at girls without harming the insect, and spending long hours at the surrounding creeks poking crayfish with sticks.

I hardly ever got to watch TV when I was young and by the time I was allowed to, I wasn't interested.

You missed out on an important experience.  The trouble with writing this piece is that Gilligan's Island was AWFUL.  No shit.  It was the worst thing ever put on TV.  Finding a way to make it horrible was like carrying coals to Newcastle.
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N E T

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #17 on: December 01, 2011, 01:56:13 am »
The "I've never seen the show" posts are making me  :cry:.

While I was supposed to be watching classic television shows as a kid, I was writing to a local zoologist asking for pointers on keeping a wolf spider as a pet, perfecting the art of throwing ants at girls without harming the insect, and spending long hours at the surrounding creeks poking crayfish with sticks.

I hardly ever got to watch TV when I was young and by the time I was allowed to, I wasn't interested.

You missed out on an important experience.  The trouble with writing this piece is that Gilligan's Island was AWFUL.  No shit.  It was the worst thing ever put on TV.  Finding a way to make it horrible was like carrying coals to Newcastle.

Part of the brilliance of your piece is that even people with passing knowledge of Gilligan's Island, like me, still will absorb the brunt of the message.
“There are some defeats more triumphant than victories.” - M I C H E L   D E   M O N T A I G N E

Richter

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #18 on: December 01, 2011, 02:00:02 am »
Best "Gotcha" ending since Hellraiser:Inferno
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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #19 on: December 01, 2011, 02:06:17 am »
I once heard a fan theory about Gilligan's Island where they were all in Hell and each of the seven characters represented one of the seven deadly sins.

This one is much better.  It makes it personal to the reader.  The reader will (or should) ask himself or herself, "Is there enough of me to qualify for either place?"
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Richter

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #20 on: December 01, 2011, 02:19:41 am »
I put the same theory out about Muppets on Sesame Street.  Bullshit, but it starts some fun discussion.
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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #21 on: December 01, 2011, 12:59:47 pm »
I put the same theory out about Muppets on Sesame Street.  Bullshit, but it starts some fun discussion.

We need to either finish compiling those, or make more of them.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #22 on: December 01, 2011, 08:55:13 pm »
Part III is written, but won't be posted until tomorrow, for reasons involving load times, time outs, and my utter hatred of my network at work.
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 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Richter

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #23 on: December 01, 2011, 11:42:31 pm »
I put the same theory out about Muppets on Sesame Street.  Bullshit, but it starts some fun discussion.

We need to either finish compiling those, or make more of them.

SRSLY.
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #24 on: December 01, 2011, 11:46:34 pm »
I put the same theory out about Muppets on Sesame Street.  Bullshit, but it starts some fun discussion.

We need to either finish compiling those, or AND make more of them.

Fixed that for ya...
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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #25 on: September 24, 2012, 05:53:24 pm »
Gilligan hated the Skipper.  Let’s just get that straight, right up front.  He hated him with an intensity that always shocked him, almost as much as he was shocked that the fat fuck couldn’t ever see that hate on his face. 

The Skipper’s incompetence had landed them on that fucking island 5 years back, and it became increasingly hard to hide his resentment…But he kept up the front of the loveable, dim-witted scamp, even after that time the professor made booze out of coconuts and Gilligan woke up with a sore ass.  After that, every time the fat bastard called him “little buddy”, it was all he could do to not shank the bastard.

But lately, Gilligan was beginning to have, you know, bad dreams.  In these dreams, he was talking to the professor, who kept harping about how their clothes never seemed to wear out, and how they sure lived civilized on an island that had few resources and hadn’t even been all the way explored.  The prof also mentioned other things that didn’t add up, and all of this began to really wear on the poor young sailor.

He tried to talk to the other castaways, but Ginger would just smile her vapid smile, and Maryanne would listen to him while looking at him like he was an idiot (Christ, stranded on a desert island with two hotties, and they both don’t even know you’re there).  The Howells, of course, were still laboring under the delusion that they were rich, and everyone played along with the lazy fucking bastards.

The professor just smiled at him.  Not the empty smile Ginger had, or the condescending smile that Maryanne had tried to hide…No, this was a small, sad smile. 

“You still don’t remember, do you, Gilligan?”

“Remember what?”

“The night of the wreck, kid.  What do you remember?”

“Well, I remember that it was really confusing, and I thought we were goners for sure.”

“Well, maybe you should think about it a little more.”

That night, Gilligan dreamed about the wreck, for the first time since the disaster.  The ship – boat, really – was tossed to and fro, and was making some really ugly noises.  The storm got worse and worse, and then they hit the reef off the island.  The Skipper hollered for everyone to abandon ship (What the fuck?  That never happened, did it?), and people started panicking.  A yard swung around and more or less decapitated Ginger, and the rope attached to it hit Gilligan and tangled around him.

While he was trying to free himself, the boat gave a groan and broke in half, sinking instantly.  Gilligan woke up in a cold sweat at the point of the dream at which his lungs gave out as he struggled to get loose from the ropes.

As he sat up in his cot, he noticed that he wasn’t alone in the hut.  The professor was sitting in one of the ridiculous chairs they’d somehow managed to make while supposedly finding the things they needed to survive.

“Figured it out yet?”, the professor asked, in his usual mild tones.

“I don’t think I made it to shore, professor.  What’s happening?”

“Well, this is where you wound up, Gilligan.  Well, the part of you that wasn’t eaten by crabs, anyway.”

“This doesn’t look like heaven, professor.  Or hell.”

“It isn’t either one, Gilligan.  You see, heaven’s where good people go, and hell is where bad people go.  You, on the other hand, were neither good nor evil.  You were a drone.  You floated along in life, letting that sadistic sodomizing prick make all of your decisions.  You acted dumb so that people would make all of your choices for you.  So when you drowned, you weren’t really fit for a proper afterlife…There wasn’t enough YOU, so to speak, to qualify for either place.  So you got this island.  Forever.”

“What?  NO!”

The professor's grin changed, becoming more...plastic.

“Anyway, there’s no time for this, Gilligan.  You’ll be late for the Luau.  Maryanne even made those flower necklaces for us.” 

The professor walked out of the hut, followed by the shrieks and screams of the young sailor inside.

To be continued.

Bump for later use.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Luna

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #26 on: September 25, 2012, 12:28:35 am »
Fuck me, how'd I forget about this one?
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"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #27 on: September 25, 2012, 12:38:12 am »
Jesus fuck, this piece sure packs a visceral punch.... I remembered and still a big hit to the gut...

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #28 on: December 10, 2013, 02:12:08 am »
Bump for bearman.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: Nine Years of Trying to Explain My Position, part II of V
« Reply #29 on: December 10, 2013, 02:23:18 am »
FUCK!
SET EVERYTHING ON FIRE!

Also lawl at the rich couple.
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