Author Topic: Who Are We?  (Read 4415 times)

Luna

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Who Are We?
« on: December 22, 2011, 10:09:28 am »
It's late, and I've had wine, but I can't believe that I'm the only one who's noticed this: in the five or six years of posting here, and despite the petty interfaith shit flinging we do on a regular basis, there is this.

We have reached consensus.

Our little tribe has done a LOT of talking, and we've changed our minds quite a bit. TOWARDS each other.

Our core ideals and outlook are, at their heart, aligned. We've stripped away the outer biases, and now we only fight over our inner ones.

Who's going to argue over TGRRs prophecy? Cain's insights? Cram's IRL plots? Kai's science?  ECH's cooking?

We transformed from a bunch of strangers figuring things out into a group of friends, relating our daily struggles.

I don't really know how to say this without it sounding sort of insistent, but:
Wouldn't this be the time to compile all of these core ideals and observations into another Principa-level document? A sort of "progress report"? Maybe?


I like this idea.  (And, hi, Nyx, I don't think we've met.)

It has also sparked another idea...

What do y'all think of a project tentatively called, "Who Are We?"  This is off the top of my head, suggestions are welcome.

I'll collect pieces we write about each other.  No hit pieces, but not just gushing, tell me how you see somebody.  Several somebodies.  Make them funny, make them interesting, make them real, make them up.  Email them to me (one spag per email), I'll try my hand at editing them together, pick the best few I get for each poster.

Also to include, send me your best "Who are we?" bits.  (I love those, but will only use the ones you send, since that'd be permission... and search is borked, and they happen in random places.

Essays about the place in general.  What is peedee.com?  Tell me about shit here.  Tell me about douchenozzle n00bs.  Tell me about how we make you think, how we make you feel.

Default will be no author names, unless requested.  Don't ask me "who wrote that?"  I ain't saying, but if somebody recognizes your writing style, it ain't my fault.

If someone does not want pieces about them included, I will respect that, of course, just drop me an email.  If y'all prefer, I can run the finished "this is what I have on you" by people before it goes up for an, "oh, god, no."

Pics.  Artwork.  WOMPs.

What do you think?  Format will probably be a webpage, unless somebody wants to hold my hand through making something paper out of it.

Broken out of Roger's thread to see if it's got legs. 
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

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"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

LMNO

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2011, 12:54:10 pm »
Gonna have to do some digging, but I'm up for this.

Placid Dingo

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2011, 01:30:11 pm »
Likewise, but allow maybe a month for me to send something.
If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

Luna

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2011, 01:54:06 pm »
Great!  

Anybody who wants to contribute, please do, keep 'em coming until it's done.

Luna@princxxxxx.com, one piece per email, please.  (This is so I can sort 'em easier.)  It you remember to put something in the heading like "Who Are We? - LMNO" (or whoever you're writing about), I will be very happy.

I don't expect people to spit this out quickly, take your time, and don't stress over the holidays over it.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

LMNO

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2011, 02:02:36 pm »
Hey, I found about ten pages worth of "who are we" rants from the boards.  I could post them here, or send them to you.  It might be fun to see them all collected together in one thread, but I don't want to clog it up.

There are some real doozys.

Luna

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2011, 02:16:49 pm »
Hey, I found about ten pages worth of "who are we" rants from the boards.  I could post them here, or send them to you.  It might be fun to see them all collected together in one thread, but I don't want to clog it up.

There are some real doozys.

Post 'em up.  I won't use 'em without the author's OK, so if anybody sees theirs here and wants it in, gimme an OK.  Clog away, I love those.   :D
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

LMNO

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2011, 02:19:07 pm »
Who are we?

LMNO
We're the control people.  The In Charge people.  The people who put Ends before Means.  The Living Large, Taking Charge people.  The people who invented phrases like "acceptable losses".  "Collateral damage".  "Mutually assured destruction". We're the requirement people.  We're the sorting process.  The ladder.  We're the big hen who pecks the smaller hen. We're the smaller hen, looking for something to peck.  We're the Conditional Charity people. The Regulatory people.  The Authority™ people.
Who are we?

TGRR
We're the snarling bumper-to-bumper dog men who honk our horns in traffic jams.  We're the fat guy on a plane berating a young mother for her crying infant.  We're the jackass who puts his seat right back into your lap.  We're the crooked sheriff, the bent politician, the smarmy bureaucrat that smiles when he says "no".  We're your neighbors, your school teachers, your bus driver.
Who are we?


LMNO
We're the Satisfied people.  The content people.  The people who see no need to go into the streets, because the couch is so comfortable.  We're the receptive people, the observers.  The people who believe what our parents, our teachers, our politicians, our priests tell us.  We're the people who do what we're told.  Who hate what we're told to hate.  We're the single-file people.  The sit up straight people. The status quo people.
Who are we?


RAT
We're the people that like to write words. We're the people that like to think a post on a forum replaces action and supporting your troops in blog comments makes you a Real American. We're the people that have abandoned the community we live in, with their different opinions, different habits, different beliefs and we've replaced it with a virtual community that is virtually us. They agree with our views and they believe in our beliefs and they support our heroes and hate our enemies. We're the future, the future of everything. Our laws WILL pass (everyone I know already supports it!), our beliefs will prevail (I haven't talked to a person in months that disagrees with that!!), our Truth is the Truth and that other virtual community over there that disagrees are virtually imbeciles.
Who are we?


LMNO
We're the Social People. People friending people. Informing our friends with how many they are. What they are. A numbers game. The more friends, the luckier they should feel to be one of those people. The group everybody wants to be part of. Your friends. Your people. The people that should know you're walking your dog. Instantly. Directly connected via the Web. Close to you. Just a few sticky strands away. Closer than would be possible or comfortable in reality. Our Tubes provide their nourishment. Always and everywhere.

We’re the FARMVILLE people.  We're the people that farm your time.  Because you weren't doing anything with it anyway, right?  We make everything happy, even stoop-labor sharecropping.  Because if you can't BE a farmer, you can FEEL like one.  It's like the old days, only without all that annoying productivity.  We'd like to take you back to a simpler time, when farming took only a few hours a day.  Who are we?

We're the FOURSQUARE people.  We know where you are, we know who you're with.  We can track you within a three meter radius.  We know when you've left your phone at home, and we know that you shouldn't be taking that right on red.  We know you're cheating on your wife, and we can track you from work to the porn shop on 86th street to home.  We can locate you, your family, and your pets.  Who are we?

We're the 3G people, the network people.  You're in our phone network, checking your social network, staying perfectly still in that fragile overstretched web.  Can't struggle or it'll break, can't revolt or you're just falling.  We are contact, we are social livelihood, and as far as you know we always have been.  Your kids have only ever known it this way and you can't remember when it wasn't.  You can't remember a phone call as something you did for an activity instead of something you did while doing something else.  You can't remember agreeing to meet at a specific time and place in advance of leaving your house, can't remember planning.  Who are we?

We're the people who give you what you need.  E-warmth.  E-Friends.  A place to put up all the private details of your life for the world to see.  Think of it this way:  Before, you had to go to great pains for strangers to get pictures and details about your children, and now you can do it in just minutes a day!  In your grandfather's day, stalkers and pedos were really hard to come by, but now you can have them all with just the click of a mouse, thanks to our state of the art technology and utter lack of annoying ethics!  Who are we?

Who's Big Brother? 

Not us.  We just provide the service.  That's what we do.  Sure you might have to look at a few tiny adds, but those are easy to ignore.  In fact, tell us if you don't liek them.  We'll find some better ones for you. 

You chose to use the service.  You wanted to.  You thought it looked fun. 
Have a weird view, or don't like somethign that's happeneing?  Please log in, post an update about it!  We're the people that provide the milieu.  Jsut so you can play with it.  Jsut so we can watch you play. 

We're the line you follow.  Routes are hard and streets are confusing, especially because they're the last damn thing you had to think about dynamically.  There's a bright green line on the same screen that has your friends' smiling faces.  Just keep on that line.  You don't need to choose your own route and if you can't manage to do it we'll fix that line for you to follow again.  Don't stray, and give us your rapt attention.  There are beautiful things out the windows and relaxing daydreams to be had that'll only serve to get you irrevocably lost.  Then you're in a right fiasco because all the faces not on our screen are out to get you and none of them know the way even if you asked because they're following their own lines.  Listen to the voice that comes with the line.  It'll make you feel less alone.
Who are we?


RICHTER
We're the web 3.0 people. We'll bring you the sights, the sounds, the sneak peak trailers right after this message.  The helpful adds that pop up when you roll over our banner, the seperate windows referring you to products associated with highlighted words.  Any marketing is good marketing, and we'll put good marketing anywhere.  Remember those web pages you used to surf?  Isolated islands and webrings hooked up only by links?  No need to use that now.  We'll show you the things that are the best matches to what you want, right at the tip of your search engine.
Who are we?


EOC
We're the beginning.  We're upstart, fledgling.  A decade ago you would have laughed if we'd told you where we'd be today.  Just like you'd recoil in horror if we could tell you where we'll be a decade from now.  That isn't how we work, though.  When that day is actually here, you'll hardly blink an eye.  Who are we?  Second nature.  Intuition.  Thumb flick tap slide pinch click response.  You can't remember what a learning curve is.  The phrase has a dirty word in it, one that's opposite of accessible and open and easy.  What were we doing, when you thought we were making operation simpler for on-the-go?  We were minimizing down time, time away, your time.  Who are we?
RICHTER
We're the hip people.  The smiling faces in all those club night pictures you see three friends over from your.  The party people.  The ones having the good time at places you'll enver be allowed into, drinking the good drinks.  The noise is never loud to us and the crowd never a problem for us.  We're happy.  If you measure up, we might let you join us.
Who are we?


UNCLE WALLIFIED
We're the political people.  We are the revolutionaries, the bold dreamers of a new era. We know you work hard, and we know that sometimes you get frustrated at the way the world goes round. You're tired of socialism, right? Aren't you tired of all those bleeding-heart liberals ruining the nation? We want you to know that that's ok. You do have options. You may not be able to afford them right now, but do things our way and you'll have plenty of money to pay for your own roads when the time finally comes. We promise. Who are we?

JENNE
We're the righteous people.  We give you all you need to feel you're right.  Think you're not?  That's OK!  We have plenty of bullhorns and misspelled signage that drowns those niggling little fears right away!  Afraid you might still be going to Hell?  Not to worry, we have all you need to feel the right way.  Sunday mornings, Wednesday evenings!  Coffee shops inside your local box church to make YOU feel right at home.  Consume your religion, and you'll get a Grade A bonus of sending the little ones who can't afford it Jesus Camp!  We donate 10% of our profits not to a prophet but to preach and teach to those nasty, sinning neighbors of yours!

Who are we?  We're the people on YOUR side.  Right, wrong, indifferent?  That's ok!  We have a club for you!  You'll always belong, you'll always have a label.  We want you to fit in, fit right and move forward.  Nothing will get done, but you'll still feel like it is!  We'll funnel your tax money into the causes you think you want, and if you don't know what you want, we'll TELL you.  We're the people with answers, answers to questions you didn't even know existed!  Why suffer with education, information and soundbites no one understands anymore?

We will tell you what you need to know, what you need to think, and which group you belong to.  You belong.  You belong with us.
Who are we?


GARBO
We are your neighbors. The ones with the nicer car and the nicer house. Our kids are better, our wives prettier, our husbands more handsome, our pets cuter than yours. Your wife wants to have coffee with ours, your husband wants to bullshit with ours over the fence, your kids want to hang out with ours. Hell, you and yours want to be us.
But you can't.
Who are we?


ROARING BISCUIT
We're the enemies you haven't made yet, we're the friends you don't speak to anymore.  We're the people who used to care for you, and the people who still do.  We're the hippes and vegans and the people who think that making a statement is what matters.  Who are we?

We're the dead flies on your windscreen, the skeletons in your closet.  We're the hedgehog crushed under your car tire when you were 17, and your girlfriend cried for an hour.  We're the wanderlust and the fear.

We're the teachers, parents and friends who never believed in you.  We killed your dreams.  We're the dull pavement that carries you to work.  We're the hollow skyscrapers and the walls of your office cubicles.  We are the pathetic displays of individuality that you think are keeping you sane.  We are everything you hate and fear, and we define everything you love.

We made you, and you will be ours.

Who aren't we.

LMNO
We’re the tweeting people.  The updating people.  The people who desperately need to keep you informed of what is going on, in detailed minu

tia, in 140 characters or less.  To describe to you our dog’s dietary habits, from both ends.  And where we are.  And that we just put anoth

er $500 on our credit cards, almost maxed it out, ; - )  And to tell you exactly what we think about the latest reality show where desperate w

omen whose best days have passed them by in exchange for silicon and imitation designer handbags suck up the brackish residue of celebrity in

an attempt to salvage their long-ago abandoned hopes for love and stability, but are ultimately ground down into hair-pulling caricatures th

at only make a mockery of your struggles to get through an ordinary day without eating the barrel of your grandfather’s service revolver.  LOL

LMNO

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2011, 02:19:55 pm »
FUJIKOMA
Who are we? We are the battered, bitter shells. We are the hollow product of broken glass homes. We keep quite while the world goes by. When you pass by you do not see us, when you look we are not there. We find our homes in cold, dark corners. We are the coming storm.

Who are we? We are the children of tomorrow, of yesterday, but never of today. The outcasts, the unfriendly people. You see us when we act out, and you torment us when we do not. The sad people, the broken people, and deservedly so. We continue the cycle, we are the bitter fruit that stings the tongue.

Who are we? We are the product of consumerism, the inadvertent outcome of nepotism, the slimy shades in back alleyways that melt into the eaves. We watch you while you are fortunate, we drag you down, and we take from you when you fall. We are the chosen fools, disciples of the madness you created, to which you show unconcern. We are a debt someone never paid, an obligation unfulfilled, this is who we are.
Who are we?


RWHN
We're the people waiting for you to go first.  We talk a good game but never throw down.  We praise your good ideas and exhalt your plans.  We'll be right there behind you!  Well, actually, right after we wash our hair.  Then we're right there with you!  Oh, well, no, we have to renew our gym membership, I mean, it's gonna be a new year, we're going to hit the stair climbers for sure this year!  Then, we'll be ripped and ready to fight the good fight along side you...oh wait, we just remembered we need to clean up the hard drive.  That shouldn't take too long, and then, holy fuck are we ready to rumble!!!  Well, we probably should get a new bottle of asprin first.  We might get a headache while trying to fight The Man.  Go on ahead, we'll be there eventually, really, trust us, who are we?
LMNO
We're the glitch people.  The people in the back, wearing ties, throwing packets of fake blood and blaming the kids behind us.  The people who you see leaving last before the building collapses.  We're the fading people.  The people who simply aren't there when the riot cops show up.  The people you pass by every day, failing to comprehend the chaos left in our wake.  The ones who know how to get things done, but keep our heads down, our mouths shut.
Who are we?

TGRR
We're the technical people.  The people that seem to be just another crowd of jackasses, but always seem to be gone 10 minutes before it happens.  The quiet people, the people who look sort of like you, but maybe grin a bit too much.  The people who don't seem to care about important things, like the troops and mom and apple pie, but never seem to ride in the back seat of the squad cars.
Who are we?

ADIOS (CHARLEY?)
Sometimes you think you see us out of the corner of your eye, almost ethereal, but never there when you turn your head to look directly at us. We smile and occasionally laugh at your confusion and consternation. We are the ones who are aware of what goes on behind the scenes, which is all that really matters anyway, because everything else is just show and glitter. A whitewashed version of the truth.
Who are we?


LUNA
We're the ones who realize that caring about everything is as useless as caring about nothing, and caring about everybody is as useless as caring about nobody.  We're the ones who can find the mirth under the horror and embrace it, despite it being covered with gore.  We're the ones who realize that the only thing really worth being serious about is having a good time.
Who are we?


NIGEL
We're the salvage people. The people with the truck and the jumpsuits loading unknown debris from the abandoned building around the corner. We're the pitchfork people, the people you see at the side of the road cleaning up something you can't quite identify as you drive past. We're the lawn care people, and you've never asked what we use in the spray that keeps the grass so green. We're the people with the unmarked white trailer parked outside of your neighbor's house for three days, and you never see us move anything in or out of it but you know something's gone terribly wrong and you don't want to know, so you don't think of it, never think of it again. We're the people who clean up the mess so you don't have to. We do it for you; we're here to protect you from knowing.
Who are we?

TGRR
We're the night time people.  We're the people who come in the night.  Remember Janis Joplin and Captain Kangaroo and that nice old man that used to live down the street?  Neither do we, because we're the clean-up people...We clean your neighborhood, and remove unsightly and unprofitable people who say things that make you think about things that you'd rather just ignore.
Who are we?

SYLPH
We are the legion worshippers of magnaninous blood splattered Eris, she who set in motion certain events leading to the burning of Troy because nobody invited her to the party. Unsurprisingly, we don't get invited to a lot of parties. Inevitably, horrible things keep happening to you. Fair's Fair.
Who are we?

BAD BEAST
We are the reviled, the deliberately misunderstood, the veterans of a truth so savage, the telling of which can send the strongest of men retreating into an ever increasing catatonia, that some never walk out from.
We are the witnesses of the last honest man, and we carry his words, imprinted across the inside of our eyelids, lest we forget.
The Guardians of a path so hard to find, that only the soles of our feet know the direction it takes.

That's who we are

The trail of our broken and discarded dreams show where we have passed.
We are greeted as Heroes by strangers, strangers who would avail themselves of out particular talents.

Then we are held up as Saviours, for maybe a week, and tales of us are sent out into the lands, because always we are known, every town finds time to cheer us and welcome us, until the job's done.
although nothing's ever said, no-one mourns our absence when it's time to move on.

That, is also who we are.

A thousand Wars, and myriad deaths these hands have delivered.
Not for glory, or honour, or any moral holding of ideas, but because, quite simply, ithat's what we do. But the toll of death weighs heavily upon us, we never kill lightly.
But we do it with such professional excellence that none other can compete. So gather around, you're quite safe, please feel free to ask questions from the FAQ books you were issued during your trip, and our mod team will be happy to take questions by PM, relating to any matters deemed "too sensitive" to tell in polite company. (Confessional confidence is, of course expected of us)

That's who we are.

 But never seek to use subterfuge, or attempt to deceive us, for this you will be flayed of your skin, and the red flag of your hide shall adorn our tree of skinnings, while your slick,wet body screams defiance, then pleas, then just sobs from the anthill your broken, bleeding carcasse shall laid upon.

That's who we are. 
ECH
We're the Giving People. We're all about giving you more of what you want in quantities you can't possibly need. We're going to force-feed your head until you've got mental fois gras coming out your ears. We're committed to rekindling your commitment to Sparkle Motion. We do these things and more, at prices you can barely almost afford, because we KNOW in our HEARTS that too much is NEVER enough.

Who are we?

We're the providers. We'll tell you what you want while we give you what you need and tell you that you can trade it in as a 20% down payment on what you want. We're the Pay-It-Forward People. You'll never notice how hard we're fucking you in the ass because we've made sure that you'll be too busy buggering someone else while we're doing it. It feels good to give, doesn't it?

Who are we?

We're the Growing People. We've counteracted the recession with our innovative hiring practices. We know how to get more done with less, and we're making you know how as well. Spreading the message and teaching the methods, that's our way. More jobs for less wages. We're the Efficiency People. We won't need to replace you with a robot because we can replace you with 3 part-time Yous for less money.

Who are we?
CAINAD
We're the Opportunity People. It's our pleasure to hook you up with a loan for that thing you desperately need. After all, we know that it can't ALL be fun and games and fifty-two-inch High Definition TVs, though we do our best. That 50 grand you need to get through college another year or two? No problem at all, friend. We know you'll be around for a long, long time, and you'll have plenty of opportunities to pay us back, whether or not you feel like buying food that month. We're so eager to share this money with you, we'll drop you the cash for a brand-spanking-new $500,000 house at a barely-noticeable down payment, hardly any questions asked!
Who are we?


JOH’NYX
We're the Virtuous Crusaders, that know what's best for you and know that sacrifices need to be done if things will be as we envision them. Those 30,000 died so that we can still go to church and not feel indignant that our fellow brothers are getting high instead of being productive, so that we can stare right into our children's eyes and say "They all died to get you a better future, you should be grateful". And you will be grateful, or else.

Who are we?

NIGEL
We're the Opinion People. It's our job to think, so you don't have to. We understand that the burdens of work, family, church, and making those loan payments on time are already enough without the added stress of having to come up with a position on the latest public events; that's why we're here to tell you not only what to think, but how to think it. Don't you worry; everything is going to be just fine. We have people on it. The food is perfectly safe, and the economy is just about to turn around. Studies show that working multiple part-time jobs is good for your health, and medical insurance is really just an unnecessary luxury for effete ivory-tower left-wing bleeding-heart liberals. A sixpack or two after work is a good way to relax and watching TV supports our economy. If you're worried, depressed, anxious, can't sleep, or suffer from cold sweats, poverty, headaches, impotence, or blurred vision, just mention us to your doctor by name.

Who are we?

HOOPLA
We're the Starfuckers.  It's our job to pry into the deepest corners of the lives of those who choose to entertain us.  We pay them to entertain us, and they do entertain us, but they owe us.  They owe us more.  They owe us their personal details, they owe us their intimate moments, they owe us their opinions, they owe us their soul.  We know that they are both bizarre and alien to us and yet exactly like us... they snort ground hedgehogs off the foreheads of midgets while fucking petrified octopus but they also shop at Target - just! like! us!  They also wear sweatpants and consume Big Macs and drive drunk and shoot their wives - there but for the grace of Judy Garland go all of us.  We create social networks, ostensibly to keep in touch with our "friends", but really to trick the gods of Hollywood to tell us how heavy their latest bowel movement was, or how often they clean lint from their bellybuttons, they owe us at least that much.  We paid for their mansions, we paid for their Bentley, we paid for their Mexican housekeeper, we paid for their alleged privacy, we own that privacy!  We own it!  They owe us!  They owe us!  They owe the Starfuckers, because we made them and we can break them just as easily.

Who are we?

LMNO
We're the horror junkies.  We track down the worst examples of humanity, and present it to you in snappy 12.5 minute segments.  We provide the tragedy you need, from aiplane disasters to floods in third world shitholes, tornadoes, earthquakes and famine.  We're the premium providers of impersonal pain.  But it doesn't stop there.  We're the Human Interest people.  We show you the burnouts, the fame whores, the poor-impule-control freakshows.  The megalomaniacal daddy issue fuckups, screaming for attention.  We scrape the pathetic bottom of those who bought into Warhol's prophecy, and parade them in front of you.  We're the ones who make you think these behaviors are "normal".  We're the ones who condition you into passive acceptance of evolutionary decline.

Who are we?



LMNO

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2011, 02:21:22 pm »
I'm not sure what it means that I don't actually remember writing the ones attributed to me.

Luna

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2011, 02:33:11 pm »
I'm not sure what it means that I don't actually remember writing the ones attributed to me.

Dunno...  but, these are good stuff. 
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

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"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2011, 03:18:58 pm »
Welcome aboard, Flashlight dude.  You may have by now noticed that we're a collection of insufferable jackasses.  We kind of like it that way, and we hope you do, too.  If not, you are by now asking yourself "who are these assholes?"

We're the rectum people.  We pound sand up rectums, with an efficiency only dreamed of by your grandfather's generation.  How CAN we maintain that kind of quality at such rock bottom prices?  Glad you asked.  We do it by using the technology of tomorrow on the innocent passers-by of today.  Our patented process guarantees that every grain of sand goes up, or triple your money back!

You won't see our competitors offering that kind of warranty.  No, they are ankle people.  They stop at the ankle.  We, on the other hand, insist that the knee is the FIRST acceptable stopping place of the great boot o' correction, and our complaints department are the loneliest people on Earth!  After all, when you pay your hard-earned dollar for a boot up the arse, we know you want the whole ride.

Contact our sales representatives:

Badbeast - A complete cunt of an Englishman, who exists solely to heave bricks through the windows of Maggie Thatcher's mansion.

Doktor Zero - A science experiment gone horribly wrong, she preys upon the webbed-toed dwellers of Southern Illinois.

East Coast Hustle - 169% Genuine sailor man, eats spinach and pounds Bluto into pulped meat, just because he can.

Dark Empress Nigel - She strangled Oakland.  No, that's not an obscure sports term.

Professor Cramulus - aka "The Mad Taxidermist of Upstate New York."

Freeky - She'll bend your fucking space time.

Call today.  Quantities are apparently unlimited, but why wait?  Your colon deserves the finest sifted sands from the four corners of Tucson, and we pride ourselves on our delivery!

Who are we?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #11 on: December 22, 2011, 03:19:54 pm »
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2011, 03:22:22 pm »
Oh, hey!  Thanks.

We're the upside-down people. The Chop and Scratch people. We have our ears to the ground, listening. Listening to what you're REALLY asking for. And we'll GIVE it to you. You may not have known what you were asking for, but no matter. We understand what's best. We know. Hours of research in places where the corners aren't quite right have given us... Perspective. And most importantly, Access. Never you mind how we found that "special" drawer in your closet. We like to get close with our clients. Because its the personal touch that means so much. So don't be shocked when you find that the shortness of breath that comes late at night is just our way of getting right up close. Right on top of you, you might say. Who are we?

We're the abyss people. We've turned the corner and found the abject lack of meaning that lurks behind your deepest fears. AND WE FRENCH KISSED IT.  We embraced it with all our strength, and then wrestled it to the ground, and ate it. Swallowed the nothingness, the absence, the empty-eyed forever, with a soured, bitter grimace. Because we've reached the end of the end, where not even a beginning can burst through the unending void of the universe. Because we're the next people. The before people. Who are we?

We're the HUNGRY people. We want what you have. Because we don't have it. But we want it. And you're. Of using it. You sit there, just giving it away for the most banal of reasons, and we're starting to think that you don't have any reasons to start with. So you won't be missing them. Because you don't care about them. But we do. Because we can use them. Use them to bring you the things you want. The things you ask for, when you stare into the horizon. Because that's what you asked for. To give up your responsibility. And we can make it useful. To make you a better person. Who are we?

Luna

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #13 on: December 22, 2011, 03:30:07 pm »
Unless otherwise stated, I'll take an original author (LMNO and TGRR, so far) reposting here as permission to use it.  When I get down to doing this, I may hunt down other originators for permission if I didn't get it.  This may involve a crossbow.   :wink:
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Who Are We?
« Reply #14 on: December 22, 2011, 03:40:44 pm »
Unless otherwise stated, I'll take an original author (LMNO and TGRR, so far) reposting here as permission to use it.  When I get down to doing this, I may hunt down other originators for permission if I didn't get it.  This may involve a crossbow.   :wink:

Standard rules apply.  Other than that, go nuts.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.