Tonight I came across the obituary of a person whom I never met and I never knew.
Even though we had no connection in life, the impact of his death reached me through a series of chance (?) events. Like ripples on a pond, like links on a chain. Without ever intending it, he permanently altered the context of all my future romantic relationships. (Thanks.)
The comments on the obituary page are breaking my heart. Itís weird to read them - to feel so involved and yet uninvolved at the same time. Iím reading the private diary of my lover and discovering a portion of their inner life that utterly excludes me.
I cried. For lots of reasons. Itís complicated. Partly because I felt so sad that I couldnít help them, either the living or the dead. They have this monumental, world-bridging connection, and Iím just some transient observer in it all. Partly because now that I know more fully, it doesnít matter at all.
So I float away, silently, like Iím the ghost.