Tonight I came across the obituary of a person whom I never met and I never knew.
Even though we had no connection in life, the impact of his death reached me through a series of chance (?) events. Like ripples on a pond, like links on a chain. Without ever intending it, he permanently altered the context of all my future romantic relationships. (Thanks.)
The comments on the obituary page are breaking my heart. It’s weird to read them - to feel so involved and yet uninvolved at the same time. I’m reading the private diary of my lover and discovering a portion of their inner life that utterly excludes me.
I cried. For lots of reasons. It’s complicated. Partly because I felt so sad that I couldn’t help them, either the living or the dead. They have this monumental, world-bridging connection, and I’m just some transient observer in it all. Partly because now that I know more fully, it doesn’t matter at all.
So I float away, silently, like I’m the ghost.