They get everyone in the end. They put a funnel of cream corn in Brittney Spears’ mouth and turned her into Sally Struthers, They killed MLK, they turned Michael Jackson White, They sold our economy and They can’t even say who they sold it to, because They ran all the loans through a blender first. They got Dr James Semaj, They took your job and put it somewhere, only They can’t say why because that’s a national security issue, and by the way, you’re going to jail for 5 years because you watched the wrong video on Youtube.
Wow, it’s a good thing all my pessimistic predictions turned out to be idiotically optimistic, right? I mean, I was thinking they’d just haul the Troublemakers™ off to indefinite detention, but why do that when you can just make the whole fucking country a prison? HAR HAR! Private prisons didn’t make prisons look like the “real world” (work for peanuts or you get no “good time” towards release), instead, we made the “real world” look like a prison! It’s the biggest damn jail in the world, and what puzzles me is that thousands of people risk their lives screaming across the desert to get INTO that prison!
Are they RETARDED? Or, and this question is for you foreign types, is the myth of America still believed anywhere? Do people still have some fucked up idea that this is “the land of opportunity”? Because the only opportunity I see here is the opportunity to be upside down on your mortgage, stuffing your face with lard mixed with binders, and the opportunity to stress out so hard you have to take all manner of PILLS HERE.
But don’t worry too much. It’s just the future, here to say “HELLO, THERE!” It’s just the glut of bad signal – fear and anxiety – that means our natural filters aren’t enough, and so we have to chemically make ourselves dumber, just to get through the day without twitching ourselves into a seizure. Ho ho! Isn’t that what you asked for? Isn’t that what you PAID for? Sure, the ad showed sexy people in flying cars or in spaceships heading for Alpha Centauri, but you DIDN’T READ THE FINE PRINT.
You see, YOU aren’t going. We’re sending robots to have our adventures FOR US, while we act like slightly off-kilter automatons here. And you’ll LIKE IT. You’ll say, “PLEASE GIVE ME MORE THINGS, AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, LET’S GET ALL THE BAD GUYS. YOU JUST TELL US WHO THOSE BAD GUYS ARE, AND WE’LL CHANGE THE WORLD BY ATTENDING HATE-INS OR JUST GOING TO BURNING MAN.”
There has never been a safer time to be a bad guy. You can steal ANYTHING and get away with it, so long as that ANYTHING is worth a lot of money and/or is REALLY IMPORTANT. Steal a Big Mac, of course, and you’re going away for years. Even poor old Charles Manson, right? He only killed a half-dozen people without actually being the trigger man, so he’s still in prison. The president and congress send proxies to kill people all the time, and they get paid to do it! That’s because when THEY do it, they don’t fuck around. What, you killed 3500 of us on September 11th, 2001? Well, FUCK YOU. WE will kill 4500 of our own people in a totally unrelated country, JUST TO SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE. We’ll also throw in a few hundred thousand of the locals, just to show you how bad we skunked you.
And don’t think you can belly-crawl or ass-lick your way out of this, either? Remember the horse in Animal Farm? Even if you ARE the number one fan of Obama or the teabaggers or the dems or the GOP, you’re STILL going to get it in the neck. Everyone will. It’s how the future works, it’s like a big set of gears, and GUESS WHO GETS THROWN IN AS LUBE? Grind, grind, grind, oh hey! I knew that guy? Cool. Well, throw another hundred in the hopper.
What’s really funny is people like the Oathkeepers, law enforcement & military folks who say they won’t take part in any round ups or whatnot. Even if they wouldn’t (they would, if the correct party was doing it), it doesn’t matter, because there isn’t going to be any Nazi-esque roundup! That was 1940. This is today. They’ve ALREADY rounded us up, just by leaving us in our own fucking homes!
NOW HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY?
Don’t answer yet! There’s MORE! It turns out that the prison has a restricted reading list. We can’t have the inmates running around getting IDEAS or maybe realizing that ALL OF THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. That would only cause trouble, and then they’ll have to stop giving us dessert for a week.
You get ALL that, and it will STILL CUT THROUGH A TOMATO (and your pitiful excuse for a life). NOW HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY? Easy, you fucking sap, just look at your W2 this month. YOU PAID FOR THIS. If you didn’t LIKE IT, you WOULDN’T PAY. Oh, there’s shipping & handling costs, too, but they’re fairly inconsequential, and you’ll never feel a thing, you fucking sap.
OR KILL ME.