Author Topic: Pixie: Cutie from Southampton, or Vile Terrorist. You Decide.  (Read 392 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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Pixie: Cutie from Southampton, or Vile Terrorist. You Decide.
« on: February 01, 2012, 03:27:02 pm »
Pixie lives in Southampton, because she isn’t allowed in London.  In most cases, this could be blamed on over-zealous policing, but I feel that they are in fact justified in this decision.  It’s not just the company she keeps, after all, that makes Londoners shit themselves at her approach.  Let’s just review some of the crimes she has committed, below (NOT an exhaustive list).

2007:  Pixie climbed up the statue of Nelson in Trafalgar Square, and punched Lord Nelson’s good eye out.

2007:  Pixie sold bottles of “Genuine River Fleet Sparkling Water” to tourists, resulting in the grounds of the Tower of London being swamped to a depth of 6” in vomit, and almost causing another war with America.

2008:  Pixie threw anvils onto the tracks of “the tube”, causing multiple casualties.

2009:  Pixie got Prince Harry drunk again, knowing that he can’t handle his liquor.  His subsequent channeling of King Edward VIII was a national embarrassment, with Harry crawling around the gutters of Soho, screaming out “WALLIS!  WAAAAALLIS!” and throwing up on his security staff.

2010:  Pixie paid a Diana look-alike to cover herself in fake blood and run around in the chunnel screaming like the damned, causing multiple accidents, two heart attacks, and one very upset terrier belonging to Duchess Fergie, who herself needed to change her pants.

2011:  Pixie paid 3 idiots from Kent to bang on a buried WWII “blockbuster” bomb with hammers.  The resulting explosion was covered up with a story concerning improperly prepared Tikka Masala.

2011:  Pixie caught pissing in Queen Victoria’s rose garden.  This was the final straw, and she was exiled to Southampton.

Given the above, I think we can forgive both the Metro police and also the American consulate, who have banned anyone from Southampton from visiting or immigrating to the United States.  Canada has passed a bill of attainder against her, and has tried her in absentia for “being Pixie”.  Ireland has likewise banned her presence.

The Scots, of course, have demanded her release and subsequent move to Scotland.  But they’re just fucking weird.

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Pope Pixie Pickle

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Re: Pixie: Cutie from Southampton, or Vile Terrorist. You Decide.
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2012, 03:36:58 pm »
They cannot ban me from Ireland. I have an entitlement to dual nationality.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Pixie: Cutie from Southampton, or Vile Terrorist. You Decide.
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2012, 03:38:24 pm »
They cannot ban me from Ireland. I have an entitlement to dual nationality.

They made a new rule.  You can only go there in a straight jacket & mask, lashed to a dolly.  Like that Hannibal Lecter guy.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.