Author Topic: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne  (Read 703 times)

Cramulus

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ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« on: February 08, 2012, 01:52:15 am »
This guy is our Messiah



let's list his holy properties

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2012, 01:52:46 am »
He can stick to a window like a gecko.
"The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it's profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way, and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theatre."
- Frank Zappa

Cramulus

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2012, 01:53:11 am »
2. he's fucking awesome

3. he came back from the dead

4. he might be controlled by an old voodoo lady

Freeky Queen of DERP

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2012, 01:53:39 am »
He can give women fake orgasms from across the room, but Pixie wont allow that anymore.
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Cramulus

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2012, 01:54:14 am »
9. He once commanded me to make a bat signal

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2012, 01:54:19 am »
He can give women fake orgasms from across the room, but Pixie wont allow that anymore.

No, that's me.

He can beat up Johnny Cash in a fight.
"The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it's profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way, and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theatre."
- Frank Zappa

Cramulus

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2012, 01:55:58 am »
Do you guys find it weird that our messiah may be the mind-puppet of an old voodoo lady? Do you think that she is really the holy one?

no that's fucking ridiculous, nevermind


11. Payne is a leavening agent

12. He co-founded the WOMP cabal


The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2012, 01:56:40 am »
Payne cured my hypochondria, over the internet.  He didn't even have to touch me.
"The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it's profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way, and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theatre."
- Frank Zappa

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2012, 01:57:13 am »
Payne stole his name from Clint Eastwood's character in the "Dollars" trilogy of spaghetti westerns.  They still use it in the movies, but it cannot be heard except by iguanas.
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #9 on: February 08, 2012, 01:57:32 am »
He's a Scot  (isn't he?)  and he stands upright.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #10 on: February 08, 2012, 01:58:05 am »
He's a Scot  (isn't he?)  and he stands upright.
This alone is proof of divine intervention.
"The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it's profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way, and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theatre."
- Frank Zappa

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2012, 01:59:49 am »
Payne can erase punctuation - all instances of a single kind of punctuation.  Ask him what happened to the doublecolon.
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

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the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Cramulus

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2012, 02:00:16 am »
31. one time he fell out of a car and landed in another car

32. he redeems sins

33. He's dating pixie, who is also holy and awesome in every way.  They met here on the forum, which is the cutest thing on the gaddam planet


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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #13 on: February 08, 2012, 02:00:31 am »
Payne can erase punctuation - all instances of a single kind of punctuation.  Ask him what happened to the doublecolon.

Or the semi-period.
"The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it's profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way, and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theatre."
- Frank Zappa

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #14 on: February 08, 2012, 02:00:57 am »
He's a Scott and he can communicate in more than pointing and grunting.
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