Author Topic: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne  (Read 795 times)

Cramulus

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ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« on: February 08, 2012, 01:52:15 am »
This guy is our Messiah



let's list his holy properties

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2012, 01:52:46 am »
He can stick to a window like a gecko.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

Cramulus

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2012, 01:53:11 am »
2. he's fucking awesome

3. he came back from the dead

4. he might be controlled by an old voodoo lady

Choppas an' Sluggas

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2012, 01:53:39 am »
He can give women fake orgasms from across the room, but Pixie wont allow that anymore.
Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial increases in corpse production.

Cramulus

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2012, 01:54:14 am »
9. He once commanded me to make a bat signal

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2012, 01:54:19 am »
He can give women fake orgasms from across the room, but Pixie wont allow that anymore.

No, that's me.

He can beat up Johnny Cash in a fight.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

Cramulus

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2012, 01:55:58 am »
Do you guys find it weird that our messiah may be the mind-puppet of an old voodoo lady? Do you think that she is really the holy one?

no that's fucking ridiculous, nevermind


11. Payne is a leavening agent

12. He co-founded the WOMP cabal


The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2012, 01:56:40 am »
Payne cured my hypochondria, over the internet.  He didn't even have to touch me.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

Eater of Clowns

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2012, 01:57:13 am »
Payne stole his name from Clint Eastwood's character in the "Dollars" trilogy of spaghetti westerns.  They still use it in the movies, but it cannot be heard except by iguanas.
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Choppas an' Sluggas

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #9 on: February 08, 2012, 01:57:32 am »
He's a Scot  (isn't he?)  and he stands upright.
Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial increases in corpse production.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #10 on: February 08, 2012, 01:58:05 am »
He's a Scot  (isn't he?)  and he stands upright.
This alone is proof of divine intervention.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

Eater of Clowns

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2012, 01:59:49 am »
Payne can erase punctuation - all instances of a single kind of punctuation.  Ask him what happened to the doublecolon.
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

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the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Cramulus

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2012, 02:00:16 am »
31. one time he fell out of a car and landed in another car

32. he redeems sins

33. He's dating pixie, who is also holy and awesome in every way.  They met here on the forum, which is the cutest thing on the gaddam planet


The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #13 on: February 08, 2012, 02:00:31 am »
Payne can erase punctuation - all instances of a single kind of punctuation.  Ask him what happened to the doublecolon.

Or the semi-period.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

Choppas an' Sluggas

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Re: ITT: Things that are Holy About Payne
« Reply #14 on: February 08, 2012, 02:00:57 am »
He's a Scott and he can communicate in more than pointing and grunting.
Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial increases in corpse production.