Author Topic: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I  (Read 3035 times)

Doktor Howl

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Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« on: March 20, 2012, 07:05:35 pm »
There is a tendency among Discordians to play up the benefits of neophilia, and the disadvantages of neophobia.  While this may more often than not lead to desirable results, this isn't always the case.

For example, there are basically four ways people travel:

1.  The Texan.  The Texan is the extreme neophobe, and constantly compares everything he sees in a foriegn land to America (or Texas), exclusively to the detriment of the foreign land.  He's the guy who goes to India and bitches because he can't find a steak house.  No new experience is worth having, because he's seen the best already, at home.  He is also quick to tell the foreigners about the superiority of America, and then comes home and bitches about how unfriendly everyone Over There is. 

2.  The German.  The German is the mild neophobe, and is visiting a foreign land for reasons that are outside of his control.  He'd rather be home, and he does his best to forget or ignore the fact that he's even in a foreign land in the first place.  He's not hostile, he's just disinterested.  The trip is something to be endured, not enjoyed.

3.  The Tourist.  The Tourist is the mild neophobe.  He wants to see unrepresentative behavior from unrepresentative people in the nation he visits.  He wants new things, but in small, easily controlled amounts, with lots of momentos (pictures, knick-knacks, etc), to take home so he can remember how neat that foreign country was.  At no time will he be found outside of a hotel, tourist trap, or tour group.

4.  The Tofu.  The Tofu is the extreme neophile, who adopts the flavor of the foreign nation, uncritically and completely.  He immerses himself in as many aspects of the foreign land, with no distinction between the good parts and the bad...Or he simply ignores the bad.  Everything in the new country is better than it is at home, and home becomes the example of everything that's wrong with the world.  If the Tofu comes home, he insists on telling his friends and family how fucked up everything at home is, in comparison to the flawless country he just visited.

The same four people, on race:

The Texan:  "Keep Those People out of my neighborhood.  They have their own communities."  The Texan wants to be among "his own people".  He doesn't necessarily belong to the Klan, but let's just say he isn't going to run out and join the NAACP tomorrow.

The German:  "I don't see color.  There's no time for that."  Funny thing:  He doesn't.  He's so self-absorbed in who he is and what he's doing, that he can't put himself in anyone else's shoes, even for a moment.

The Tourist:  "I knew a Black guy in college.  He wasn't what I was led to expect.  He dressed just like I do."  The tourist is typically the patronizing sort of racist.  Joe Biden's comment about Obama "being clean for his race" comes to mind.

The Tofu:  "Yo yo yo!"   The Tofu tries to become Black.  He's the White guy who runs around with cornrows, wearing a dashiki, listening to NWA, and claiming that he's from The Street (Technically true:  Even Morris, Illinois has streets). 

As demonstrated, being a neophile isn't always an advantage.  There is no worldview that guarantees that you're not an embarrassing jerk. 

Okay for now,
Dok
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2012, 07:18:43 pm »
This is brilliant. :lol:
Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial increases in corpse production.

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2012, 07:36:23 pm »
Good shit. Question- does the tofu eventually revert back to the way he was when placed back in his normal environment or does he end up having to sponge up another thing in order to change?
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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2012, 07:37:58 pm »
Nailed it.

All I can add is that the Texan goes to another state and bitches that he can't find chickenfried steak.  :lulz:
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2012, 07:50:25 pm »
Good shit. Question- does the tofu eventually revert back to the way he was when placed back in his normal environment or does he end up having to sponge up another thing in order to change?

Eventually, he gets bored and goes on to sell insurance until he dies of congestive heart failure in a Holiday Inn.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

Nepos twiddletonis

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2012, 07:57:03 pm »
Fucking hell thats depressing.

So im guessing that a tendency towards pinealism is the result of being tofu?
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2012, 08:00:37 pm »
Fucking hell thats depressing.

So im guessing that a tendency towards pinealism is the result of being tofu?

No, I think that's pretty much tourist behavior.  You want weird, but manageable weird.  Easy weird, that anyone can do, that isn't scary or distressing.

Tofu would be aini.  Buying into an entire subculture as a whole, no questions asked.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2012, 08:03:02 pm »
She the dude who became a half cat half woman monstrosity yeah?
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2012, 08:04:03 pm »
She the dude who became a half cat half woman monstrosity yeah?

She's the dude that because a half cat half fat guy monstrosity and disappeared while hitchhiking through Texas, yeah.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2012, 08:20:26 pm »
She the dude who became a half cat half woman monstrosity yeah?

She's the dude that because a half cat half fat guy monstrosity and disappeared while hitchhiking through Texas, yeah.

???

 :horrormirth:
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2012, 08:25:58 pm »
She the dude who became a half cat half woman monstrosity yeah?

She's the dude that because a half cat half fat guy monstrosity and disappeared while hitchhiking through Texas, yeah.

???

 :horrormirth:

Toldja about that.  She dropped out of sight in Redwater, TX.

Though she HAD de-friended me for making fun of ICP.  Her FB login is Kristine Kadaverous (first name might have an alternate spelling).

If she's posted this month, then she's probably not buried behind a roadhouse somewhere.
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2012, 08:36:17 pm »
She the dude who became a half cat half woman monstrosity yeah?

She's the dude that because a half cat half fat guy monstrosity and disappeared while hitchhiking through Texas, yeah.

???

 :horrormirth:

Toldja about that.  She dropped out of sight in Redwater, TX.

Though she HAD de-friended me for making fun of ICP.  Her FB login is Kristine Kadaverous (first name might have an alternate spelling).

If she's posted this month, then she's probably not buried behind a roadhouse somewhere.

Ah, yes, I remember now.

She's not on facebook with anything like that spelling, but there's a Christine Cadaverous who posted something March 10. Don't know if it's her or not.
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Doktor Howl

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #12 on: March 20, 2012, 08:40:42 pm »
She the dude who became a half cat half woman monstrosity yeah?

She's the dude that because a half cat half fat guy monstrosity and disappeared while hitchhiking through Texas, yeah.

???

 :horrormirth:

Toldja about that.  She dropped out of sight in Redwater, TX.

Though she HAD de-friended me for making fun of ICP.  Her FB login is Kristine Kadaverous (first name might have an alternate spelling).

If she's posted this month, then she's probably not buried behind a roadhouse somewhere.

Ah, yes, I remember now.

She's not on facebook with anything like that spelling, but there's a Christine Cadaverous who posted something March 10. Don't know if it's her or not.

That's probably her.  Are her pictures hideous?
"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown... the mysterious. The unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you, the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are bringing you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimony, of the miserable souls, who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places. My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?"

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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2012, 08:46:43 pm »
I can only see one and it's cute...might be a really old pic, though.
Am I looking for a mastodon?
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Re: Jackasses, Four Different Kinds, part I
« Reply #14 on: March 20, 2012, 10:36:27 pm »
I am very interested in your further analysis of these people, my good Doktor.