So it's been almost a year since the EB&G debacle and I've been
somewhat surprised to find the resentment I felt, melt away. That has
been replaced by the realization that someone stuck out their
figurative leg, I saw it - then eagerly tripped myself up over it.
I ignored the advice I was given, and I fucked up.
Going back to the Original Snub - it is an intrinsically Discordian
behaviour to illuminate ones conceits and fancies by orchestrating
them into Chaos. If you can't laugh when the joke is played on
you, then the joke is still on you. If you don't choose to throw
out the bitter tea, then you're stuck drinking it. Recognising all
this, I could no longer hold onto my cherished resentment.
Having a cause, a forum, a vision to protect - it blinded me,
it flattered me, it seduced me. Then it stole my
wallet and left me tied to the bed. It exposed me, and I was
found wanting. Now replace "it" with "I". I don't know how I could
have successfully dealt with the threats I perceived to EB&G,
but I do know that I failed utterly and made countless stupid mistakes
and errors of judgement. Shamefully, it's taken this long to accept
responsibility for what happened.
I still consider myself a Discordian. But I miss reading and
discussing Discordian ideas and bullshit. And PD remains the best
place for that.
I'd like to come back.
I don't know how that would be possible.
I pissed off and alienated everyone I considered a friend. I tested
patience past its limit. I declared futile war on PD knowing that I
had no allies. And while the fight was a lot of cathartic fun, in
truth I held neither the charisma nor skill to achieve anything else
other than waste everyones time. Too much of it was lame-drama and
attention-seeking. For the cause! Eggs, Omelette, etc.
Ah whatever - I am sorry for my part in the whole affair - and at
least I'd like to ask for the forgiveness of the community. I miss
you guys. I have no interest in settling scores, dredging up old
fights nor starting new ones. When I wasn't feuding, I think most of
my contributions to PD were generally positive - I'd like to get back
to that if possible.
Acknowledging that I have no right to ask any favours from you - I
would deeply appreciate it if you could post my apology to Apple Talk,
regardless of the decision. While I understand that PD is not an
e-democracy, and the decision rests with the admin team - if the
community is vehemently opposed to the idea then there's probably not
much point considering it.